Represent The Love

Today is my parents 36th Wedding Anniversary!

Ok now that that is out the way let me get to the real point.  If you know anything about my parents and their relationship, you would know that it is a weird one.  My mom says that her greatest mistake was ever marrying my dad.  With that being said, lets talk about that four letter word that can strike fear in even the toughest man's psyche: L-O-V-E.

Despite the issues that they have had, despite the fact that my dad is a curmudgeon at all times, my mom still loves it.  At the same note, my mom probably doesn't communicate the way that my dad would like her to and the fact that she doesn't spend as much time home as he wishes at times, they still love each other.

It's hilarious to see what 36 years of marriage will do to a couple.  They know each other idiosyncrasies to a T but despite that, they both try to do things they aren't supposed to do.  No, I'm not talking about illegal measures, but little things such as pushing their bodies to limits it can't handle and then they yell at each other (my dad calls these, discussions).

Still despite getting on each others nervess (my mom's nerves more than my dad's) they still love each other.  It's crazy.  It's incomprehensible to me.  It's ridiculous that two people can be in so much love but rarely say it to each other.  A conversation that happens in the household is as follows:
Dad: I love you.
Mom: You Better.

Hil-a-rious.  I'm not going to lie, at times in my life I wasn't sure whether my mom really loved my dad but after recent events, I'm reminded that their mutual love runs deeper than I even imagined.

My dad has recently had his 3rd back surgery in 5 or 6 years.  Ever since the surgery my mom has been the general of the house.  She's making sure my dad doesn't do anything detrimental to his health.  She's protecting him, caring for him, and it's amazing to watch especially for me because I NEVER see that type of affection between my parental units.

The day my dad was released from the hospital he received shaking news.  For the purposes of confidentiality, I'm not going to disclose the news.  However, I will say that I've only seen my dad tear up once before that moment.  I didn't know what to do, but then I saw my mother provide the first ounce of wifely affection I've seen in my life.  She grabbed his hand immediately and talked to him.  That BLEW MY MIND.

That single moment has been running through my head on replay as a reminder that there was a reason they were married.  They were both my age at one time. They both probably had their doubts about relationships and life in general, but they made a commitment to spend their lives together and they are upholding it.  I'm blessed you guys.  I am an black male in an urban setting with both of my parents still upholding their matrimonial vows that they took over three and a half decades ago.

My mom might not be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman.  And my dad might not be the perfect 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9 man.  But praise the Lord they are trying!

They truly, in their own quirky way, represent the love.  I can only hope and pray that one day I may have a relationship as fruitful, but maybe not as weird, as theirs.  They have successfully modeled to me the idea of commitment.  The idea of a lifelong commitment.  If I do end up getting married to a beautiful soul, I will remember their relationship (at least I hope I do).

This isn't a fix-it blog.  Rather this is an encouragement blog.  To let my readers out there know that there is hope.  Let everyone know that vows and commitments are a real thing.  To prosper through the tough and weird times with you future or current spouses because you never know who's watching and looking to emulate.

With that being said, lets play a real lovin song!

For Colored Girls

There is a reason that at the moment in my life that I'm reading a book to become a better man (Kingdom Man by Tony Evans), at a time where I'm struggling to find out who I am in relation to woman, I just happen to fall across a movie that places me into a vortex of thoughts and emotions.

That movie is For Colored Girls which is directed by Tyler Perry featuring an all African American cast.  The movie centers around nine separatred but yet intertwined black woman who all share their own struggles (albeit some worse than others).  I can't as a black man directly relate to their experiences per se, but I can feel it.  I can feel the hurt.  I can feel the shame.  I can feel the pain.  I can feel the disappointment.  I can feel the...the emotions.

What the heck is going on men? That's a question that is continuously echoing in my head.  I know we aren't perfect, but seriously bros.  We can do better.

Yes, there was a silver lining in the movie: aka 1 good black man in the ENTIRE movie (which I don't believe to be completely true).  However the point still stands.  Why are all the Adam's out there leaving the Eve's on their own.  Why are we constantly hurting them?  Is there something about our DNA.  I really don't know.

Fatherless homes?  Babies making babies? Abuse? Neglect? Sin?

In Kingdom Man, Dr. Tony Evans made a statement that I couldn't register until now.  He basically said that if you don't love being a man, then there is something wrong with you.  And after watching this movie, and all the hell my counterparts go through, I absolutely know that God knew what he was doing in making me a man. A Man of Color.  Because Lord knows, what I would end up doing if I was in the position that some of my sisters were in.

I do understand that this is a movie and al ot of it is dramatized, but the principle sticks in.  Black Women have it rough.  You have the media telling you to straighten your hair, you have the magazines telling you that being dark is out, you have your dads telling you that ain't good enough (if they are even in the picture).  You have your hearts continuously being stomped on and trashed and for what?  So a dude like me can have you for a moment and when he gets tired of you he just goes on to something better.

No, that just isn't right!

I know I've said this before, but now I feel it with much much more conviction: Women Are A Gift From God.  We need to start treating you like it.  Until I feel mature enough to handle my insecurities, whom I am, I don't deserve as a man, as an aspiring Kingdom Man to be part of this continual rinse cycle that's degraded, dehumanizing, and just debilitating these Black Queens.

I'm only speaking for myself here.  Me, Michael Adams, young African American Man.  You have the absolute right to hold me to these words; they aren't going anywhere.  I pray that Jesus continues to transform my heart so that I can be like David (a man after God's Heart--Acts 13:22).

This is just ridiculous.

--MJA

How To Love

I am currently reading a book by Bishop TD Jakes (whom I designate as one of the wisest men alive) called Let It God: Forgive so that you can be forgiven.  This reading focuses on the many aspects of our day-to-day lives and how the unforgiving heart can stunt our growth in every conceivable way.  I absolutely had to read this book since my first sermon was on forgiveness.  So let me preface this blog by saying that the main idea came from Bishop Jakes.
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I am one emotional man.  I will be the first to admit it.  Sometimes during movies I can feel a tear coming during those impactful scenes (but for the record, I don't cry!).  It's easy for me to admit that my emotions made me who I am today.  Although most of the times I shade them and hide them until I can't control them anymore (which can be good and bad), I am no longer ashamed to admit that I am just an emotional man.

One of issues that really has an impact on my heart is self-love.  Maybe it's because I grew up with 3 older women or maybe it's another reason, but my heart goes out to people who don't love themselves and just beat themselves up on a daily.  I just want to wrap them in a love that tells them that they are worth more; tell them that they are loved...

I am privileged to have grown up in a stable home with both parents fully present.  I'm not just privileged to have that, I'm blessed.  The older I get the more I realize that my nuclear family is becoming the exception rather the rule especially in the urban context that I grew up in.  I've never had to question my parents support for me even when I do something that was to their disproval.  So that no matter what, I felt loved.  Even before I fully comprehended my Christian faith, I felt the love of Christ on my life.

Growing up with that blessing, I've come to realize that many people don't have that.  Some people grow up with their mom and/or dad talking down on them.  Making them believe that they will fail.  Or even worse patronizing them for their errors over and over again.  And if one of you are reading this, I am, from the pit of my heart, very sorry.

I'm not hear however for a pity party.  I'm hear to just say that regardless of the past, you can move forward.  For every time someone tells you that you can't, God tells you that you can thrice that!  Sometimes it's hard to believe to understand without feeling the love or support growing up that you can't do it.  As a result you take it out on your self with self-mutilation, depression, anxiety.

Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves, but if we don't love ourselves, how can we learn to love our neighbors.  A lot of people I know that have the issue of self-disdain treat others around them like kings and queens and then as a result get trampled on by people like yours truly   When that happens the cycle continues. Over. And Over. Again.  I can't tell you how to love yourselves.  I can only pray for you.  I can only pray from our generation.  I can only pray that you feel the unconditional love that I receive from my father. No, not my earthly father, but my heavenly father.

I can support you.  I can love on you like a brother or a sister.  I can tell you that you were made in the image of God and that God didn't make a mistake when he made you.  I can affirm you and remind you that because of God's love for you that he sent Jesus to die on the cross for your sins.  I can and will do what I can to help the hurting.

One of, if not my, favorite gospel artists is Kirk Franklin.  Kirk Franklin has an interesting story of a kid who grew up without a father, and he overheard his mother say that he was a mistake.  As a result he became a constant people pleaser, always looking for affirmation in the wrong places.  What makes him amazing is that he allows his emotions, his past, to bleed through the lyrics of some of his songs.  One song that it's evident in is called Imagine Me.  The song reminds me that no matter what your past has done to you it's gone.  Your past is literally your past.  Imagine you breaking free from the chains of bondage yesterday put you in to live today like theres no tomorrow!

Like I said, I don't have the blueprint for teaching people how to love themselves.  All I can do is point, point to the Bible, point to the cross, and point to my Father in heaven.

My heart goes out to all those that are hurting.  I pray that you discover that unconditional love and accompanied by peace.  A peace that passes all understanding.

--MJA

Imagine Me

The Christian Lovers' Dilemma

One day, when I die and go to heaven, I'm going to ask God, why did you make men and women soo different?  We are soo different and yet, for the most part, we can't stay away from each other.  Now whether that's a good thing or bad thing is TBD but this blog is about relationships.  I'm not in a relationship.  In fact I'm nowhere close to a relationship, but I've read a ton about relationships and I was told I give good advice, so I'm going to give this a try.

This blog right here, is dedicated to all my Christian Lovers.

Ya know, as a Christian it's tough.  We have to "deal" with all the things that a normal person has to deal with but we also have to "deal" with a spiriutal aspect.  We have to constantly make sure that we and the Man Upstairs are on the same wave length.  We have to consistently check to make sure that it's our Father's will that we do X or Y and sometimes we don't even recieve an audible answer so we go around blind hoping that we are making the right decision.

This is especially tough in the dating/relationship realm.  What's the proper way for a Christian to date? (Yeaaa...I'm not gonna go there) However, one problem that I've had in the past is the mindset.  Too many Christians, especially younger ones have this non-biblical principle that says that: "God has this perfect person out there that is perfect for me, all I have to do is meet her/him and everything will go smoothly."  Am I bowling down your alley?  My peeps, our concept of The One is.NOT.biblical.  If you go through your life turning down he's and she's looking for your Mr. Perfect, you are going on a wild goose chase.

Yes, I do believe that God has a plan for your life and every once ina while God does seem to pull you in one direction or another but I do not believe that God tells John Doe that he will meet Jane Doe on December 21, 2012 (when the world ends).  Noooooooooo.  We have free will.  God knows ultimately what we are going to do, and there are some people more compatiable than others for us, but there isn't that one person.  We need to get out that mindset.  Let's consider the compaitable beings as little tugs from God that this person is a possibility.

Once you get locked out of that mindset, you my friends are liberated.  I know I was!  You no longer look into ever person and think: OMG is this The ONE.  Getting to know people is about having fun.  We Christians are guilty of stressifying the dating period soo much that we lose sight of the true meaning of dating.  Everyone you go on a date with shouldn't feel like they are filling out a husband/wife application.  Nein! In the get-to-know phase you do exactly that: you _________________.  Find out their interests.  Find our their passions.  If you look at this phase as having fun, you're en route to living a less stressful life!

But wait there's more!  Actually, I held back on ya'll a little.  The concept of The One is biblical.  The One I'm talking about is Jesus. God is supposed to be first in foremost in our lives.  And logically if God is first, then maybe, just maybe, we need to start looking for Number Two.

Whoa.  Number two?  That's radical and yes, you can slap me later on.  But think about it.  Let it marinate in your noggin.  You can't have two number ones can ya?  Just a thought...

But seriously people, we need to revamp our thoughts.  If you are in a relationship and you are thinking about getting out of it because the person isn't you're Mr. Perfect but you are crazy about the person nonetheless, don't be naive and do that to yourself.

I'm going to let everyone in on a secret.  No matter who you date.  No matter who you marry. No matter...you are going to have arguments.  They are going to drive you crazy?  Why?  Because you are two different people with two different opinions/interest/livelihood.

I'm going to take off my Perfect-Christian Mask and say that I get angry at God.  Me and God bicker quite often. Sooooooo, if I disagree and question the LORD, why would I think that my relationship with another sinner like me will go smooth?  Stop having this expectation my brethren.  You are ruining chances with great people and you are ruining great relationships.

With the fact that relationships are tough in your head, I need to press you on one more issue. People give up on things wayy too quickly.  When the going gets tough, we run. We're afraid.  We give up. ESPECIALLY in relationships (I am one of the biggest culprits of this).  But somehow.  Somehow we think that we can grow.  We can grow closer to our guy. Grow closer to our girl and not work at.  Here's a question: What, if anything, can you do where you stop working on it, and still have growth?
*Insert Cricket Sounds*

So then why do we magically think that we can just go through relationships half hearted and expect them to become fruitful.  Why do we think that you are supposed to be happy evvvvery day in a relationship or else boo-boo gots to go?  Why do we think that this girl isa dime, and my girl is getting on my nerves, so I can just do a lil sumthin sumthin and it'll be ok?  Why don't we work on our re-lation-ships? If you are at the point where the grass looks greener, then you need to nurture and water your lawn!

If you aren't mature enough to handle the ups and downs of a relationship, then you probably shouldn't be in one! (Ouchie)  Relationships take commitment and growth.

So what am I trying to say?  Have fun in the getting to know phase.  Don't stress about whether that person can fill out your marriage application because who knows how much your app will change when you're ready to get married. We need to get rid of the myth of the "one"  God will order our steps using His Word (Psalm 119:133) as a map but he will never tell you that you HAVE to do X.  Remember that.

When you do find that person you want to settle down with, don't give up.  If you really lovve them, you wouldn't give up so easily.  In order to have growth you have to...have to...have to work at it!

Overall, I think we need a changing.  A shifting of the phrase.  I'm looking for Miss. Perfect.  I'm looking for The One is no acceptable.  God has placed people in your lives that are compatible to you. Not perfect, but pretty darn close.  However, He wants you to seek him first.  So, I don't know about you, but I'm excited for my Number Two.

I Disagree...(2012 Election)

So, the election is finally over and we now have a victor.  Congratulations President Barack Obama.  But also, congratulations to Republican Candidate Mitt Romney for a well fought campaign that literally came down to the wire.  It was the prime example of how a great election could be numbers wise.

I now have to write an obligatory "political" blog about the election and how elated and/or disappointed I am in the results (I'll let you choose which one if any).  However, I've seen enough hate out of my Facebook friends, Twitter follows and talk within my ear that I don't feel the need to gloat/vent about the turnout of the election because everyone is doing it for me!

There isn't anything wrong with being passionate one way or another.  But it is wrong to put down someone else's view, to try to take someone else's joy just because you are upset with the outcome.  It is wrong to just be downright disrespectful to the victor or the loser.  It's dehumanizing as well as un-Christ like.  And that's what's bothering me about the outcome.

I can handle all the mudslinging for the politicians because that's what we've come to in todays life.  But when I hear, just like I did in '08 that the world is going to end, that everyone that's against the election is gonna move to Canada, my heart aches.  In life, there are winners and losers, in sports there are winners and loser, in politics there are winners and loser.  It's just the way things go.

Disagreeing with ones policies is one thing and if people were to say, that they don't think the economy, the deficit, education, etc etc is gonna improve then thats fine with me.  It's those extra extremities that is too much.  Whatever happened to civil disagreement.  That's how We are supposed to act.  We, Christians especially, are supposed to love one another despite differences, so why is there hate?  I just don't understand. And it reallllly frustrates me as I look through my feeds.  Aren't we supposed to do everything ina loving Christian manner as Paul continuously says through his letter?  Aren't people supposed to feel the love of Jesus through us?  Aren't we supposed to be the Salt and Light of the world??? (Matthew 5:13-16)

Mitt Romney put his heart out on this election.  He was sooo into it that he didn't write a concession speech. He didn't even wanna let the idea of losing creep into his head which is the sign of a great competitor   But when he lost, he went out with grace, respect, honesty, and love.  One of the (if not THE) most disappointed man in the nation, had to get out in front of his peeps, and tell them that its over.  I can't imagine all the thoughts that ran through his head...disappointment, anger, fear...But he knew what he had to do and did an absolutely amazing job at it.  He stated that we need to pray for this nation and the President.  And I get the feeling he wasn't just saying that if you know what I mean. He put it all out on the line, no remorse, just moving forward.

And that's what we all should do.  We should respond to the results with love and grace.  You can be disappointed, but don't become disrespectful ESPECIALLY in public my friends.  Join Mitt and pray for our nation, pray for our President, pray for each other.  There are plenty of issues in our daily lives that stress us out, sooo lets not let politics become divisions from friendships, spouses, or even the church!  You can disagree, you can be sad, you can be a little upset, but remember, in alll things do it with love. (1 Corinthians 16:1)  Let's chill with all this hate ya'll.

--MJA

Created and Called for....Friends

I honestly can't believe I'm writing this, but this blog kinda is an advocate for my Created and Called for Community Class (CCC) at Messiah College.  Lets be clear, the class within itself, I am not necessarily advocating for, however, I am advocating for it's literal message.  We, as human beings, are indeed Created & Called For Community.

Whether you believe that the story of Adam and Eve was a literal or figurative story isn't a debate I'm trying to have here.  But, if you just take the lessons and what God said throughout the story, you would notice that God made Adam first (sorry ladies but don't worry, thats not the main point).  However, Adam was alone with all these animals and fruits and plants and cells and gooey stuffs (maybe?) when God realized that maybeeee something is missing.  Maybe, just maybe, man should not be alone. (Genesis 2:18)  In fact, it is not good for (man) [or people] to be alone.  So, he made Eve!  What does this tell me?  That we are created and called for community.  We are created and called to be around other people.  We are created and called to laugh with other people. It's part of necessary structure to stay alive.

I'm going to be honest here, this is a pretty simple blog to write, and basically anyone could've written this.  But for me, this is a personal blog post.  This is a blog post where I am thanking my multitude of diverse friends far and near for accepting me into their community and becoming part of mine.  I've been extremely blessed to have all types of friends; all different shapes, sizes, races, and genders.  And the amazing thing is that I know that although we might not always agree on everything, that when it comes down to it, they have my back.  And I wanna say thank you to them, for loving, cherishing, and just being there for me.

Awwww, wasn't that sweet...Ok, now back to business.

I personally think that it's important for everyone to have a set group of friends.  Now obviously, there are going to be friends that you "like" more than others.  There are friends that you will just naturally wanna be around with more than others (Unless you are me because I AM the exception to the rule...just kidding).  And that's great and peachy.  So, you may be like me where you have Childhood friends, Grade School Friends, Freshman of College Friends and other College friends.  And if you have those I pray that you continue to cherish them.  I pray that you continue to love them.  Friends, are just amazing.

But, what I've learned is that there is one sub-sub-sub category of friends, that just seemingly transcends months, years, and decades.  I'm talking about Spiritual Friends.  Friends that you have a spiritual connection with.  Friends or a friend that, every time you hang out, you just become closer and closer.  You can't seem to put your finger on it, but somehow it just happened.  Those friends in my opinion are the rarest to find and if you happen to find one, consider yourself extremely blessed.

The Biblical example of probably the greatest spiritual friendship is between the (apparent) heir to the throne, Jonathan and the actual heir to the throne David.  Now check this out, these two fellas were actually competing for the same exact throne!  Jonathan was the son of the current King Saul but David was the king God had foresaw.  Now lets be clear, Jonathan was a baddddd man.  He slew people by the dozens but he came across a thing that he couldn't even defeat.  Goliath.  And David was just a little shaped   My man Jon, the warrior, wasn't able to kil goliath.  But my boy David, was able to with a rock and a slight shot!  What!?

Now, David didn't really care about the glory.  But when he gave the head of the giant Goliath (see what I did there? Double G...ima stupid) to Saul, it was all a wrap.  And you know what Jonathan did? He could've been jealous that he lost his throne, but he wasn't.  He was happy for David.  And it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  A friendship where they had love, connection, vulnerability  loyalty, and prayer.  What more can you ask for ina friend! (For more info on this connect check out 1 Samuel 18-21-ish)

I am not trying to bash any friends here cuz I appreciate every single one of mine and I'm sure you do of yours, but when you find that spiritual friend do not...I repeat: do NOT let him or her go!  It's a great friend to have.  It's a great person to rely on...Now I'm personally not going to say who my Spiritual Friend is because this is a public thingy, and I don't wanna put alllll my life out there.  But he knows who he is, and he needs to know that I thank the Lord for his friendship and his prayers.

Welp, that's all I have for this post.  Do me a favor.  Send a text, facebook, phone call, tweet, airplane, shout over to your friends.  Let them know that you appreciate them all!  That's what I'm going to do! Until next time my brothers and sisters.

--MJA

Truth Is I'm Tired

I know that I said I wasn't going to blog for a while, but this has entered into my heart like a fire.  Like a raging, rushing river.  I'm just disgusted.  Epically Disgusted at what I've seen.  What I've read.  What I've heard.  We...are killing each other.  We are drawing people away from the Truth.

If I was to sum my Christian beliefs in a 4 Point Sermon, I would say:

1. Jesus Lived

2. Jesus Died

3. Jesus Rose

4. He's Coming

Am I missing anything?  Did I omit anything?  Where's my talk about the hatred of homosexuals?  Where is my debate about Abortion?  Where's my controversial decision to pray in schools?  Oh wait, that's not there.  You know why?  Because when it alll comes down to it, those ideas aren't that important.  The important things in my life all circle around those 4 ideals.

Firstly, I believe that Jesus lived on this earth.  He was the living example of how all humans should be, both male and female.  He was perfect in all ways, never sinning.  And you know what is the most important thing that he taught in his ministry?  To LOVE.  Jesus ate and drank with prostitutes and tax collectors (whom at that time were perceived as some of the most vile people).  He reprimanded the "religious" because they held all God's statutes but forgot about God's creation.  They didn't love each other or the others.

Secondly, I believe that Jesus Died on the Cross.  He died on the cross Just for me.  But wait, it wasn't just for me.  He died on the cross for everyone.  The Jew and the Gentile.  The Greek and the Hebrew. The Westerner and the Easterner.  The believer and the non-believer.  I know I've said this before, but Jesus died the worst death possible for the time he lived, crucifixion   And He did it when everyone deserted him, mocked him, and forsake him.  But he still Loved everyone!  When the robber on the side of him proclaimed him to be the Son of God he told him that the robber would go to heaven.  While he was up there giving his life, he thought of me...he thought of us.

Thirdly, I believe that Jesus Rose from the grave.  Why did He rise?  So that all those people that mocked him, would see who He really was.  He rose so that the unbeliever would believe.  I picture it as Jesus telling everyone, "I'm not dead!  Wake Up! I'm right in front of your face!"  He also rose again to combat the devil.  To tell the devil that this isn't your kingdom.  It's mine!  You think you can kill my savior?  You don't have any chance!

Most importantly, I believe that he is coming back!  It is my motivation to do what I do.  To say what I say.  No one knows when that day comes, but it is coming ya'll.

So what am I angry about?  I am angry that the "believers" aren't acting like it.  We seemingly don't have the urgency that we should.  Keep in mind that I am saying the "we believers" in a general tone because if one of us is failing, it looks bad on all of us!  We are too busy occupying ourselves with the politics of the body, politics of the mind.  We are killing ourselves....we are killing everyone.  I'm not even talking about a Physical death.  I'm talking about a spiritual death.

For me, you will never see me get into a heated debate about the "controversial" topics.  I personally am against abortion except in extreme cases.  I do believe that homosexuality is a sin.  It is a sin along with drukenness, audultry, gluttony and a host of other things.  When it comes down to it, I honestly don't care about the "controversial" topics. If I met a woman who had an abortion or a person that is attracted to the same-sex I wouldn't care.  I'm not going to turn away and judge somebody for their past.  I'm going to do what I'm commanded to do.  To love them.  To show them Christ's love through mine actions, through my words.

Wake up people!  We are driving generations (especially mine) from the Church in astronomical numbers.  I read in a recent book that ina a recent survey, 91% of young adults who are nonbelievers call christians judgmental.  Whoa.  Aren't we the ones that believe in Jesus.  And isn't Jesus the one that said on numerous occasions that He didn't come to condemn the world?  Why are we going around condemning everyone?  Why are we going around judging everyone?  What's up with dat! (For more information check out my pervious blog post "No Condemnation"

It's hard for me to find a church family as a believer because I go in alot of places and I feel a disconnect.  And it's not necessarily from the congregation, but it's also some times from the pastoral staff!  We are called to spread the Gospel.  To shed light on the world. Ahhhhhhh!!!

No more!  No more of it!  No more woman being turned away from the church because you found out she had an abortion.  No more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender men and women being turned away from the hospital because you feel like their sin is too great.  REALITY CHECK!  ALL sin kills.  The wages of sin is death people. As Pastor Woody said: "STOP ALL THIS HATIN'" Chill with the judgin and start focusing on the lovin'.  In theory, for the Christians, the Word should've changed you life.  Well......act like it! GAH!

We are in a war people.  The Devil is trying to tell everyone that us CHristians are judemental.  That we hate homosexuals.  That we are overly political.  But let me tell you that the devil is a LIAR!  Let's act like it!

Love

Love

Love

Grace Amazing

I'm currently reading this book called Grace by top selling author Max Lucado and it's very enlightening.  It talks about the single topic of God's Grace.  Wow.  An entire book dedicated to that phenomenon.  Why would someone want to devote an entire book to that?  Maybe because we still don't understand it.  Sure we talk about God's Grace in our songs, hymns, sermons, and daily Bible discussion but do we really...I mean really understand the ramifications of God's Grace??  I know that I don't/didn't.  It's not something I can wrap my heads around it.  Like Jimmy Needham's song says: "You got that Grace AMAZING."

Do you realize what Christ did??  I mean do you really realize what Christ did for you?  This man, who came from God, came to the earth NEVER sinned, but took the punishment for the greatest sinner.  Bore the most humiliating death at that time!  I know I've noted that before but mannnnnnn...

Today (August 27th) is my parents wedding anniversary.  This year (2012) they will be celebrating their 35th Anniversary.  And I'd like to think that if you were going to ask them to sacrifice me to die for this wicked world they wouldn't do it. (I could however be wrong...sigh) But GOD did it!  Jesus willing died for us ALL.  Why??

Why the heck would Jesus die for this world?

There are something that I just...can't understand.  That's why His grace is AMAZING.

Not only is His grace amazing but it's free!  How does the saying go: The best things in life are free.  So you are telling me, that I get:

1. A peace that passes all understanding (Philippines 4:7, John 14:27)
2. Salvation; Eternal Life (Romans 10:9)
3. Forgiveness for ANYTHING I do. (Ephesians 1:7)
4. Love...not just any love but UNCONDITIONAL love. (Psalm 86:15)
5. Protection. (Psalm 23:4)
6. Power (2 Timothy 1:7)

All for FREE!  I'm sooooo thankful for God's grace.  This undeserving grace towards me.

I could've been dead!

Sleeping in my grave;

But God blessed me to see

Another Day

And even when I did wrong

You were still there

I'm so glad that

God

Still

Hears

A

Sinner's Prayer

Of course it ain't all that simple.  There is a force, there is a pow'r, there is a being that HATE's God's Grace.  He/It/That Thang wants us all the die...to perish!  You know what I'm talking about.  The great Accuser.  The devil doesn't want you to love God's grace.  He doesn't want you to accept God's Grace.  He wants you to look at it with skeptical eyes.  Blind eyes.  Lucado, in my favorite paragraph of the book so far talks about how the Great Accuser tries to make you feel bad...tries to blame you for everything..tries to pervert God's Grace.

"Satan never shuts up...Day after day, hour after hour.  Relentless, tireless.  The Accuser makes a career out of accusing...Satan's condemnation brings...regret.  He has one aim: 'to steal, and to kill, and to destroy' (John 10:10).  Steal your peace, kill your dreams, and destroy your future....He enlists people to peddle his position.  Friends dredge up your past. Preachers preach all guilt and no grace. And parents, oh your parents.  They own a travel agency that specializes in guilt trips.  They distribute it twenty-four hours a day.  Long into adulthood you still hear their voice: 'Why can't you grow up?' 'When are you going to make me proud?' Condemnation (is) the preferred commodity of Satan."

Now I'm not saying all this is true about everyone because I don't personally fit the parents section.  I've always felt loved by my parents but I've certainly felt the other mentioned ones as well as others not listed and I know you have as well.  As my previous blog, "No Condemnation" says, Jesus repeatedly said that he did NOT come here to condemn us, but to love us.

That's why Ima Christian.  That's why Ima Christ follower.  Jesus loves me, he gots my back no matter what!  I can talk bad about him under my breath (which God still hears), I can yell/argue with him about life, I can vent to him, I can boast about him...No matter what I do, He will still love me.  He loved me enough to die on the cross for me.  I just wish, I just pray that everyone one day will realize God's grace.  Will realize that He loves you.  Realize that he wants your heart so he can guard it and keep it safe.  God doesn't want your heart to eat, he doesn't want your heart cuz he's selfish.  He wants your heart because He knows that it's the only way to keep it safe for an eternity.  It's a fail-proof lock ya'll.

Ima end it with the song we used to sing at the end of my old church service:

Grace, grace, God's grace,

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

Grace, grace, God's grace,

Grace that is greater than all our sin.

What's Goin On (Part 2)

Well, the time has come for me to make a host of enemies with the female constituents.  The first part of this blog asked women the question: What are the top 5 things that men do that anger/frustrate you?. Well, I got a host of various responses which can be found by viewing this link: What's Goin On Part 1.  I'm not gonna get too much into the details.  But, lets just say that its time for the brothas to respond!  We heard you ladies, and we took your criticism.  Now its your turn to do the same.  You can disagree with me if you want, but I'm just saying the vibes you ladies give off. 

My only hope is that I have earned the trust and respect of my women readers that you are able to read this without feeling like I'm taking a shot at ya.  This is no shot against any specific woman, but just women in general.  For this study (I feel soo professional) I interviewed 12 guys.  This number does include myself but I answered the question before I interviewed and compiled everyone else's answers.  Andddd my results are weighted just as much as every other guy.

Ok, now that we are on the same page, I'm going to present the top 5 annoyances due to women.  

I know I did the listing of the top 5 in the previous blog in descending order, but this time, I'm going to do it in ascending order to add drama. So, the 5th most responded to answer was: Dress Appeal.  What in the world do I mean by dress appeal?  Well ya know, a true/real man isn't going to want his girlfriend to dress like she's going to the club 24/7.  A real man realizes that beauty comes from within and not from without.  Yes, I would be the first person to admit that I love a woman that can dress.  One of the most attractive things for me is when a woman can out dress me, but dress isn't everything.  Especially if you are consistently showing off your B's (went over your head didn't I?)  This is a huge issue for us men that call ourselves Christians.  We try to live by a lifestyle, but the flesh is a hard thing to control and it's even harder when too much is shown.  One of the men said: "girls that feel the need to 'flaunt' themselves....like guys struggle with lust enough.  I don't need to see everything all the time."Like I said, its nice to be a good dresser, but try to control yourselves...for the benefit of us admitting struggling men.

The 4th most annoyance is: Assumptions.  Aww man, this one plays a huge role for me personally.  Assumptions...assumptions.  Women...ya'll have a habit of assuming everything about a man!  I'm going to give you a reality check: EVERY SINGLE MAN isn't a jerk!  There are legit good men out there!  One of my favorite lines that was stated by Pastor Waller is: just because you've had an experience with one bad dude doesn't make you an expert on all men just in the same way that a bad experience with one woman makes any man an expert on women.  I mean that's...just...logical.  Listen, I know you've been hurt by your love.  But seriously every guy in the world isn't out to hurt you.  Isn't out to purposefully make you cry.  To cheat on you.  As one of my brothas noted, "when girls start posting statuses on Facebook like 'all guys are jerks!' You're just not giving Mr. Right the chance to show up!  If girls don't like being called jerks, then why say something you don't like?"  OK, honestly check, I've called a girl a jerk, but I never mean it seriously (I think).  But, these assumptions doo sooo much more harm than good.  It's like you take us out of the running before we get a chance!  Just give us a chance!  Besides, my momma always said that when you assume you become the first three letter of the word...

The middle of the road annoyance which is: Devaluement.  Yep, I just made-up a word.  Devaluement. Deal with it!  What I mean when I say that word is that you say that we under--appreciate (See Part 1) ya'll and that may be true, but ya'll under-appreciate (or devalue) yourselves.  Whether it's changing your personalities just to fit in as one guy said or trying to be skinny like all the models as another guy noted, you were made in the image of God.  Come on!  You are beautiful just the way you are.  No, I'm not trying to sound like Bruno Mars, but it's true.  You need to recognize what ya'll are to us men.  You are Queens (as I said ina previous blog).  You are daughters of God!  A man I interviewed said that one of his annoyances is when a girl, "acts like a whore when they are worth so much more."  I chose to keep the exact language because it roots to the seriousness of the issue.  YOU ARE WORTH SOO MUCH MORE.  If you've never had a guy tell you that, I'm here telling you that as well as other men.

Now we are down to the top 2 responses!  Here we go!  The runner-up annoyance is: Self-Centered.  Now, I know, that word is a very harsh word.  And honestly, this is one of those lack of a better term words that encompasses a vast array of issues.  One array is when as one man noted, is when ya'll don't...can't...choose not to...control your emotions!  Men, we have a limit...a bar.  The worst thing we can call a woman is a *female dog*.  But women, ya'll just cut...to borrow from my favorite comedian Kevin Hart, when women get mad, "Ya'll see red."But this self-centered issue can stem from something as light hearted as wanting us to kiss ya'll while you are sick.  One of my friends made that observation.  He observed: "have 2 sick people isn't any better than have 1 sick person.  In fact, it's worse."  Here's a fact: we, as men, do care about ya'll.  But a relationship works two ways.  Learn to control your anger.  Don't ballon issues and make them bigger than they need to be.  I know...I know...imma man so I'll never understand women, but that still needs to be said as the intercessor.

Now the time has come!  The most noted complained by every single guy is when women are: Lying/Avoidant.  Let's see if I can simply explain what my fellas are trying to say here.

One thing I am solely noticing is that both men and women lie constantly.  But in completely different ways.  Men...we tell those stupid lies that get us in trouble or sometimes get us out of trouble (think about it....).  Women, ya'll on the other had lie by being avoidant.  You all expect us men to be mind-readers.  You say that you are fine, but in reality you aren't.  And in some situations I understand why you do it: you want the men to show that they care.  But in many other situations, it's completely unnecessary.  Or when a man asks you (genuinely) "What's wrong" and you say "nothing."  Do you understand how frustrating that is for us!?  Women...ya'll like to play games.  One of the biggest games is stating a statement that is false but you somehow expect us to know its true.  That's lying!

How does this link to avoidance though?  Well, when you avoid the situation by saying that everything is alright when it isnt...that's lying.  That's just setting us up to fail!  I like to think I'm good at reading people (at least I used to think that) but I still miss a ton of those avoidance moments.  Oorrr even worse, I assume that the lady I'm talking to is lying to me when she isn't and then I don't believe her and it just ruins everything!  One of my brothers-in-Christ quoted Proverbs 31:26 which said: "she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."  According to him, that verse is talking about a noble woman; a wife.  And the context of him quoting that text is when a woman tried to "bait" him into asking her what's wrong.  Here's the situation if you didn't know.  If I am talking to you, that means I care about you.  You don't have to bait me in.  Just come out! But that's just me I guess(?).  If you are comfortable enough to throw out bait, then you are comfortable enough to cast the line and take a risk in catching a fish instead of a shark. (I got lost in my own metaphor but I guess I'm trying to say imma fish? maybe?)  I digressed again, but what I'm trying to say is (stealing the words from the same man): "Don't play games, just talk to me."

To wrap it all up, the top 5 annoyances are: Lying/Avoidant, being Self-Centered, the issues of Devaluement, always drawing Assumptions, and the Dress Appeal.

Now, if you made it to this part, it means that I didn't completely anger you with my observations.  Orr maybe I did and you just wanted to see some more of my invalid and asinine comments which is fine too.  I'm always open for criticism and debate (which I LOVE by the way).  But I'm just going to leave you with a statement: 

Women, I love ya'll.  I think you are the greatest thing God ever made.  But sometimes you do things that annoy me...greatly.  I hope this opens the door for the conversation and that both men and women can use both parts of the blog to learn and adapt.  Just remember that you are all queens and Daughters of the most high God!

The next part is a study on how women view other women.  As long as every woman in the world doesn't hate me for posting this, that will be an interesting study!

What's Goin On (Part 1)

Soooo this is part 1 of a 4 part series of where I will take the job of a sociologist to find out what's going on between male and female interaction.  There are a lot of issues/complaints I've heard over the years from one side to the other, so now here's the chance to iron everything out.

For this part, I interviewed 14 ladies of different ethnicities and ages and I asked the vague question: "What are the top 5 things that men do that anger/frustrate you?" The vague question allowed a plethora of different answers.  The purpose is two fold: 1. To become a better man when I do get in a relationship, and secondly, to help men understand women and visa-versa in any way whatsoever.  I'm here to help!

Without further a due, I put together the five most annoying/frustrating things that we men tend to do.

The most complained issue (in at least 9 surveys) was: communication issues.  We men are notoriously bad at communicating things to our ladies.  Now this topic is a vague/overlapping issue within itself but we need to get better at expressing ourselves!  We need to be honest and upfront with women not shady and unclear (which I'm notoriously known to be).  A lot of the issue is that we are veryyyy slow to trust and very slow to make friends.  But once we have a woman we can trust, we gotta open up to them, we gotta trust them, we gotta communicate with them.  We need to understand our women.  One of the ladies I surveyed said: "...sometimes guys label us as overemotional, dramatic criers.  Which, for some of us is not even true, and other times it's just how girls know how to express themselves. It means a lot when a guy figures out how to communicate with a girl."  You see that, its just that simple step of just understanding the lady you are dealing with and how she communicates and work with her.  It's a relationship!  Give and take both ways.

The next most complained about issue is related to the first: emotionless.  Whether it's claiming to be emotionless or making our women feel like we are emotionless, this is a real issue.  We tend to hide our emotions because it's not manly to be emotional.  It's not manly to be vulnerable.  But let me tell you something men, it takes a REAL man to be vulnerable with himself and with his mate.  Our ladies want to understand us, to know what makes our hearts break and what makes us joyous. So let them! I know...I know...its extremely hard; I've been there.  But once you do, your relationship will go to a whole nother level..beyond sex. As one of the women surveyed said: "I hate when men pretend they don't have an emotional or compassionate side.  I don't see what's wrong with showing that.  I actually appreciate that.  No one (or at least I don't) need a man that doesn't have emotion."  You see!  They want a man that has emotion.  How fun would it be to take a scarecrow??

This next point really hit me hard as a man, especially as a black man, but the next point of annoyance is the fact that we are prideful.  Pride can bring out the best in us, or the worst in us.  Unfortunately it tends to bring out the latter.  Women expressed our prideful tendencies is how we are arrogant and cocky to name a few.  The bible states (somewhere) that pride comes before the fall.  When we get to the point where we feel like we don't need each other or other people, that's where the devil starts to tear apart relationships.  When it comes down to it, we do need each other.  I am a confident man sometimes, and unfortunately I can be cocky and arrogant.  That's something that is a work in progress.  There's a difference between being proud and being boastful because when it all comes down to it, it's never our doing, rather it's the Lord, who gives each of us men our talents and abilities doing.  One aspect of pride that one of the ladies stated is that we have a tendency to never admit when we are wrong.  That's a problem...let's fix it!

Fourthly, we are known to be disrespectful. Oh boy, that's a big one.  Disrespect can come in many different shapes and sizes, but when it comes down to it: disrespect is disrespect.  The media disrespects/objectifies out women enough, why do we need to aid in that!  Women are not objects that we obtain like I used to think (unknowingly).  They are human beings with a capacity to think, act, and learn.  They want to be loved and respected.  One of the biggest importance for men is that we want to be respected.  We HAVE to be respected, but let me tell you, in order to get respect you gotta give it.  One way that we disrespect them is by, "tryna get my number without asking for my name first."  Really!?  Can't ask the lady her name??  Come on men, use your God given head!

The last issue that I am going to address here that was expressed in at least six different surveys is the idea that we under-appreciate our women of God.  Just like I wrote my blog: Women are a gift from God.  We, I, need to start acting like it.  Whether its doing something as simple as putting the toilet seat down after we are done (which a couple people wrote down), or actually listening to what they are saying as opposed to just hearing.  We gotta appreciate them.  Yes, mentally portraying women falling in the toilet seat is a hilarious thought in my head (sorry I can't help it), it's still wrong.  We have a habit of trying to focus on the bigger issues instead of valuing the "smaller" things.  As one of the ladies said: "[We] seem to handle the tangible and visible things and forget other things that are just as important, but not directly in front of them."

Finally, this isn't something that was a trend, but I found a couple of women that noted that we as men have a habit of trying to fix everything!  Sometimes they need to just vent and express themselves.  It goes along with the whole "shoulder to cry on" aspect.  Women don't expect us to be superman even though it seems like they do after reading this.  They just want someone to care for them, to love and appreciate them.  Is that really to much to ask for?  Besides, women are a gift from God...let's treat them like they are: Queens of our lives.

I hope this helps men understand what women are looking for.  And I hope this assures women that at least this man is trying to become what you want him to be!  Work with me and I'll work with you!

*Next up, it's the brothas turn to vent.  What do women do that annoy/frustrate us??? This should be fun!

It's Time For A Wake Up Call

Calling all Christians!  Stand up!  Not Xtians, not christians, but Christians!  Oh you are standing?  I see you but I don't see you.  That's the problem.  We have a lot christians but no Christians.  But I mean, what does it mean to be a Christian? What does it mean to be a Christ-follower?  Does that mean I have to go to church?  Does that mean I have to be good/nice?  Sure, those things are nice, but there is an easier way to answer that: to be a Christian is to do simply one thing: to love.

I'm getting sick and tired of these "christians" out there.  If you allow me to speak bluntly, I'm tired of these people that say they are following the Lord's name, but aren't showing it.  Yes, Faith (belief) is what saves us. (Romans 5:1)  Yes, it really is that simple.  But when we believe in Jesus, when we follow him, we no longer bear our selves anymore.  We take on the name, the reputation of our Messiah.  And let me tell you, we have abused that privilege.  It is a true fact that we all have sinned.  It is a fact that we are all going to continue to sin.  But, there should be something different about you.  There should be something different about you.  How you walk, talk, not sulk (you like that?) people should see something in you.

But seriously, what does it mean to be a Christian?  It means to love.  To do everything in love.  Not lust, not anger, not spite, not hate, but love.  Why?  Because love never fails.  I'm tired of us that take advantage of the act that God did for us.  Let's go away from what he did personally in our lives.  But, have you ever stopped to think the magnitude of what the Lord did?  Wow.  God gave his only begotten son to not only die, but be crucified.  Which, at that time was the pinnacle, the worst death that could be given.  It's a slow, and agonizing public death.  And the only thing, God asked for, is for us to love.  Love God and love people. (Luke 10:25-28)

Why is that so hard?  I want to hate you.  I want you to pay for what you did to me.  What you did hurt me.  It scarred me for life!  But I can't....If I do, I lose.  I lose by hurting myself and hurting those around me.  It's easy to hate, it's incredibly difficult to love.  I'm that man in the mirror.  I'm that man that doesn't show God's grace, God's compassion in my everyday life.  I'm that christian.  And I'm sick and tired of it.

We did nothing, absolutely nothing, to deserve God's grace.  The wages (earnings) of sin (aka us) is DEATH (Romans 6:23).  Why aren't we living like we believe in that verse! When i see my brotha or sista hurting, I should not hesitate at all to help him/her.  But I do.  Because I'm selfish.  I only care about myself.  If I expend all my energy helping you, I'll have nothing left for myself.

My Christians, we need to get serious.  This is a wake-up call!  Stop taking this gift for granted.  We say we follow Christ, but do we really?  When someone trashes our reputation, do we turn the other cheek?  Are we trusting God will provide thus not envying our neighbor?

In reality, people should be able to tell you are a Christian without knowing your full name.  In reality, they don't.  Too many of us christians, are doing the exact opposite of what Jesus told us.  We are talking bad about our bosses, spreading rumors about our exes, trying to get with every pretty thing that moves on this earth with lust.   Come on people!

Yes, I do believe in the Triune God: God the Father, Son, Holy Ghost are all God.  Yes I believe that Jesus lived on this earth, was crucified, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven and is coming back again.  But people don't see what I believe.  My friends, actions do indeed speak louder than words.  In all things, I'm supposed to do in love.

One knock on Christians is that we are hypocrites.  And you know what, we absolutely are.  I am a hypocrite, I do believe that I should love all people, but I fail to do so.  I do believe that sex should be after marriage, but I personally failed to do so.  I do believe that Jesus is coming back again, but I fail to act like it.  But, the difference between me and an unbeliever is that I'm redeemed.  Yes, I fell.  I fell, I fell, and I will continue to fall, but every single time I will get back up.  I'm keeping mine eyes on the mark.  And I won't stop until I get there.  So, I'm not running away from that tag.  I am a hypocrite.  I will continue to be a hypocrite, but hopefully, over time, I will become a loving hypocrite.

With that being said:

Parents, It's time to start loving your kids.  Men it's time to start appreciating the fairer gender!  Women, its time to start loving your men!  It's time for the real Christians to stand up!  Take your spot in the world.  Let Jesus shine in your hearts.  Let the Gospel ooze from your pores.  Let the great commandment flow in your veins so that when you donate your blood, the reciever will jump up for joy because he/she felt Jesus' love in your blood! (A lil too much?  Ook)

But in all seriousness, we, Christians need to take our place in society.  We need to stand up and show the unbelievers what true love is.  No disrespect to my non-Christian readers.  But I really do believe that Jesus is the only way, truth, and life (John 14:6). So, I better live like I believe it, ya heard me!

Singleness Is A Gift From God

This is probably the hardest entry I've ever made due to the fact that this is what I've been struggling the most with recently.  It takes a lot out of me to admit this, but the more I meditate, read, and discuss with people, the more I realize that: Singleness is truly a gift from God.

I used to question why people enjoyed being single.  I mean, God made us relational beings, so when someone came around that you had some attraction to, you mind as well give them a chance right? Wrong!  It doesn't work that way and I thank God it doesn't work that way. 

I can be the first to acknowledge it: it really sucks to be single sometimes.  ESPECIALLY when all your freiends tend to be in relationships (thanks Messiah College) and you become the 7th Wheel.  You contstantly battle with that nasty bug called lonliness and you have to deal with the elephant in the room that there are going to be some nights where you are going to be alone.  But maybe that's not soo bad.  (See my blog about Divine Time-Outs).  It's necessary to be alone.  It's all about your mindset.  If you go into those nights saying, "woe is me, I'm so alone," it is definintely going to be a long night.  But, if you go into it excitied, things may change.  Now why in the world would you want to get exicted?  Well, I'll tell you!  

• You get to relax with no drama (my bros know what I mean!), no issues, just you and yourself!
• You get to do some soul searching (since its basically impossible to do it when you are with others).
• You can watch your favorite movie/tv show without ANY distractions.

Now doesn't that sounds great!!  Ok, I'm not naive enough to think that that's enough to convince anyone that spending a Friday Night alone is better than with a significant other.  But, I am going to make the argument that the world NEEDS single people.

Let's put it this way: we can do things in a much easier capacity than our coupled counterparts can.  We have an essential ingrediant called freedom.  To put it simple, we only need to worry about ourselves, and we can do whatever we want (within reason) to make us happy.

To make this practical, lets just say you are a successful musician.  Always touring and away from home.  It is SOOOO much easier to do this when you are single as opposed to married.  Married musicians constantly worry about leaving their man/woman/children and gone for Lawd know how long.  BUT if you are single, you are able to just go and do yo buisness!

Another practical example, is that, in the Bible, Jesus commands us to go and disciple right?  Well, let me ask a rhetorical question.  Is it easier to care for one person or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or (if you are ambiitous 10)?  Obvious answer.  Single people are able to do things for the Kingdom muhch more fluently and flexibly than those encumbered by relationships.

Now don't get me wrong.  When my Miss. Amazing comes along, I (hopefully) won't hesitant to sweep her up! Best believe that!  But, stastically, you are going to spend more of your time ina relationship, as opposed to single!  Sooooooo singleness is a gift!  It's a minority in our lives.  We should embrace it and ask God: Lord, what do you want me to do with this gift of singleness in my life?  Lead me Lord, I will follow because I can do it very easily as compared to Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Remember that emotions are only temporary, so don't let them leave a permant impact on your life! 

Weeping may endure for the night but....

--GOD BLESS YOU ALL!