Where Do I Go From Here? (Reprised)

The title of the first "blog" that I ever construed back in 2007 was "Where Do I Go From Here?"  A question that many of us continuously ponder from day to day, hour-2-hour, and minute-to-minute.  I thought I had it all figured out.  I thought I understood what I am called to be.  But the deeper I dig, the more confused I become.  The mantra that I held while I was finishing high school has not become any clearer now that I've been out of college and integrated into the adult life.  Wasn't this thing called life supposed to make more sense??

That's probably the reason I haven't been blogging recently; there are so many underdeveloped thoughts in my head that I can't get it out to form a complete thought.  Or worse, as I work on the process to compile a complete thought I end up spiraling into a wave of confusion.  It feels like my brain isn't able to fully process anything.  My humanly, finite brain isn't able and it's frustrating.

Sure I've tried to talk about it to others.  My relationship with my parents hasn't been stronger since pre-teen years.  But religiously, ever night, I spiral into this deep sense of establishing my worth.  When I say my worth, I don't mean it in the negative way because believe me, I know to whom I am.  I am a child of the Most High King and as that child, I know where I'm going once that one glad morning happens.

No, when I say my worth, I mean what am I supposed to be doing on this planet.  How can I be the best person I possibly can in the church, in the workplace, in my family, and with my friends.  If you have any answer besides the cliched one I welcome them.  In church I often feel, to take the words of a former substitute teacher: "lost-in-the-ghetto-sacuce."  At work I'm now changing mindsets and paths thus having absolutely no clue where it's leading.  With my family, I'm consistently trying to bring us all together by being more societal driven by fighting back our urges to be individual robots.  And with my friends, oh with my friends, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.  We'll leave it at that.

It's suffice to say that I'm lost.  It's not a coincidence that my recent studies have evolved around Job and the Psalms.  The theme of desertion is plastered throughout those pages along with the thought of whether God is really listening and if so, where is he?  Why aren't my ways his ways?  Why aren't my thoughts his thoughts?  I want to be like David- a man after God's heart but I don't feel it...

Remember.

Hope in God.

Trust.

Those are the three words that are continually echoing in my head.  Maybe it's because I just got finished reading Ps 42 and 43 where hope in God and remembrance with a dabble of trust are sprinkled in the literature.  God is present.  Jesus is alive and is coming back.  I look back and remember the sacrifice that my God made and all the wonderful works that he's done in the lives before, around, and in me.  Through that remembrance I find a hope in God. A hope that I'm not going through all of this confusion and questions for no reason.  Hope that there is a great plan because sometimes there doesn't feel like one.  One of the products of hope is faith (Hebrews 11:1).  The product of faith is trust.

Any time I think about trust, I'm always brought back to a Donnie McClurkin song that reminds us that we need to trust in God.  Remembering helps us hope which helps us trust..

I don't know if this is going to help anyone out there.  This could be something that I'm just going through that no one else is struggling with.  But if you're out there and reading this now, I want to remind you to just trust Jesus.  That's what I'm (trying) to do.

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all of your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Prov. 3:5-6

That my friends, is what I'm trying to do.  

Take care everyone,
-MJA

How To Love

I am currently reading a book by Bishop TD Jakes (whom I designate as one of the wisest men alive) called Let It God: Forgive so that you can be forgiven.  This reading focuses on the many aspects of our day-to-day lives and how the unforgiving heart can stunt our growth in every conceivable way.  I absolutely had to read this book since my first sermon was on forgiveness.  So let me preface this blog by saying that the main idea came from Bishop Jakes.
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I am one emotional man.  I will be the first to admit it.  Sometimes during movies I can feel a tear coming during those impactful scenes (but for the record, I don't cry!).  It's easy for me to admit that my emotions made me who I am today.  Although most of the times I shade them and hide them until I can't control them anymore (which can be good and bad), I am no longer ashamed to admit that I am just an emotional man.

One of issues that really has an impact on my heart is self-love.  Maybe it's because I grew up with 3 older women or maybe it's another reason, but my heart goes out to people who don't love themselves and just beat themselves up on a daily.  I just want to wrap them in a love that tells them that they are worth more; tell them that they are loved...

I am privileged to have grown up in a stable home with both parents fully present.  I'm not just privileged to have that, I'm blessed.  The older I get the more I realize that my nuclear family is becoming the exception rather the rule especially in the urban context that I grew up in.  I've never had to question my parents support for me even when I do something that was to their disproval.  So that no matter what, I felt loved.  Even before I fully comprehended my Christian faith, I felt the love of Christ on my life.

Growing up with that blessing, I've come to realize that many people don't have that.  Some people grow up with their mom and/or dad talking down on them.  Making them believe that they will fail.  Or even worse patronizing them for their errors over and over again.  And if one of you are reading this, I am, from the pit of my heart, very sorry.

I'm not hear however for a pity party.  I'm hear to just say that regardless of the past, you can move forward.  For every time someone tells you that you can't, God tells you that you can thrice that!  Sometimes it's hard to believe to understand without feeling the love or support growing up that you can't do it.  As a result you take it out on your self with self-mutilation, depression, anxiety.

Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves, but if we don't love ourselves, how can we learn to love our neighbors.  A lot of people I know that have the issue of self-disdain treat others around them like kings and queens and then as a result get trampled on by people like yours truly   When that happens the cycle continues. Over. And Over. Again.  I can't tell you how to love yourselves.  I can only pray for you.  I can only pray from our generation.  I can only pray that you feel the unconditional love that I receive from my father. No, not my earthly father, but my heavenly father.

I can support you.  I can love on you like a brother or a sister.  I can tell you that you were made in the image of God and that God didn't make a mistake when he made you.  I can affirm you and remind you that because of God's love for you that he sent Jesus to die on the cross for your sins.  I can and will do what I can to help the hurting.

One of, if not my, favorite gospel artists is Kirk Franklin.  Kirk Franklin has an interesting story of a kid who grew up without a father, and he overheard his mother say that he was a mistake.  As a result he became a constant people pleaser, always looking for affirmation in the wrong places.  What makes him amazing is that he allows his emotions, his past, to bleed through the lyrics of some of his songs.  One song that it's evident in is called Imagine Me.  The song reminds me that no matter what your past has done to you it's gone.  Your past is literally your past.  Imagine you breaking free from the chains of bondage yesterday put you in to live today like theres no tomorrow!

Like I said, I don't have the blueprint for teaching people how to love themselves.  All I can do is point, point to the Bible, point to the cross, and point to my Father in heaven.

My heart goes out to all those that are hurting.  I pray that you discover that unconditional love and accompanied by peace.  A peace that passes all understanding.

--MJA

Imagine Me

Get Out Of My Life!

Do you have that thing?  Do you have that thing that you can't get rid of?  That fallacy that will probably follow you for the rest of your life...That weakness that you have that you consistently have to keep it under grips or else it can ruin your life.  That burning desire that you just have to constantly be aware of or else it can consume you and those around you...

Of course you do.  We all do. We are broken, sinful people that are just screwed up.  We all have fallacies but we all have that one major fallacy.  For me, mine always seems to come out at the most inopportune times.  At times when I'm the most vulnerable. And to be honest, it's only my the grace of God that I don't allow it to consume those around me.

You know what I'm talking about.  That issue that you have that you hide.  That problem that you lock deep down inside of you.  You can't let anyone see it.  It's just between you and God right?  The Apostle Paul knew exactly what was going on. 

"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleased with the Lord to take it away from me." - 2 Cor. 12:7-8

A messenger of Satan to torment you.  Does anyone here know what I mean??  TORMENT, won't leave you alone! Why can't these thoughts just leave my head...Why do I have this huge flaw?  I've asked God to take it away.  To fully cleanse me of this issue but He hasn't.  Are you listening to me God?  I need to stop, I need to fully take charge of my life.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties   For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Cor. 12:9-10

Why does Paul, why do you, why do I have this thorn in the flesh?  For one, it's to stop us from being conceited   But more importantly, it's so we realize...we recognize that it is literally only by the Grace of God that we are able to control it even a little bit.  When I have my "outbreaks" I have to literally stop and pray.  It's the times when I am the weakest, when I actually paradoxically become the strongest because I'm fully relying in the Lord.

But lets not stop there because trust me, I know.  I know that sometimes I slip.  And sometimes I have to repent.  Sometimes I say or do the wrong thing.  Sometimes my weakness(es) win.  And for that, I'm coming to realize that I need to tell someone about this.  I need someone to hold me accountable for my actions.  To check on me, to keep me grounded ya know? 

Here's the thing, I wouldn't suggest using a person that is of the gender that you are attracted to (for example, I shouldn't use a woman) because when you open up like that, feelings can become attached and if something were to happen such as a break-up, it could scar you for life.  Find someone that you can confide in.  That you can trust.  But most importantly, isn't afraid to get into your face and tell you to STOP IT. Or at least that's what I've realized.  I've come to the point where I keep losing.  My thoughts, my actions are failing.  My willpower is becoming futile.  I need help.  I need help from a brotha.  

You need help.  My brotha, you need to be able to trust another man to have your back!  My sister, you need to trust ya girly to hold you accountable.  It's a scary life out there.  BUT there is hope!   I know you need some scripture  "For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them." (Matt 18:20) And a huge emphasis on the power of 2: "How could one man chase a thousand, or two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, unless the Lord had given them up." (Deut. 32:30)  By yourself, you can chase 1,000, but with another...10,000.  That's kind of a big deal.

Most likely, my Thorn(s) will always be around.  Most likely, I will succumb to it.  But I know that when I fall, I won't be weak.  I'll be stronger than ever before.  However, falling into is still isn't fun.  I don't want my thorn to tear apart my future, my friends..my life. So, I'm going to chase off the ten thousand and find an accountability partner. I will NOT let this ruin me.  And I know you won't either.

--MJA

My Prayer

This post is going to be a little different.  For one, it's probably going to be my shortest post, but it's also not going to be a normal one.  This one is My Prayer.  I don't know if people are actually going to read this or not, but this is My Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I come into you name lifting up the readers,

I don't know if they are young

or if they are old.

I don't know if they are believers

or if they haven't yet professed your name.

But, I know that they are hurting.

I know that they are struggling.

I know that they need help.

I know that they need encouragement....

We all do.

I pray that you continue to use your Spirit.

To continue to dwell in the temple of your New Israel.

I just pray that you don't leave us...

I just pray...

Continue to bless our lives according to your will

Continue to accept us despite our faults...

our mistakes...

our blunders...

our sins...

I want to thank you for your Son.

I want to thank you for giving him up for the ultimate sacrifice.

I want to thank you for sparing your wrath.

Watch over us.

Please... watch over us as we embark on this crazy this crazy thing called life;

We need you...I need you!

I pray that this blog is reaching people in need.

I pray that your Word is being proclaimed eloquently and sufficiently.

Father, Your Grace Is Enough for me.

Ahhh your grace...it's so amazing and soooo undeserved.

I pray that you continue to use me as a vessel...

To use your people as a vessel for your namesake.

Teach us how to love...

how to forgive...

how to bless others as you did us.

When I doubt, be that comforter

When we cry, be the greatest hugger

When I yell, be my shoulder I can lean on

When we pray, hear us...

Bless Your people. Love Your People. Keep Your People

In Your Matchless Name I Pray.

Amen.

--MJA

I'll Make It

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not as all chippy as sometimes my blogs may portray me as.  Currently, I am a college graduate, unemployed and stuck in my parents house which is driving me absolutely INSANE (no offense to my parents).  It doesn't help that I look around and see successful preachers and I keep asking myself, How can I ever be that successful   These men of God have PH'Ds, leading choirs, singing while they are preaching, like MAN. How in the world would I EVER be able to do that.  Next thing I know, in the middle of a revival service, I'm just down....the complete opposite of a revival service.

One of my greatest issues/weaknesses is the need-to-be-needed.  The need to feel important.  The past four years I was part of a family, my UVP family (Messiah College's Gospel Choir) and for the last 3 years I was a selected leader part of that family as well as the choir director of my church choir.  However, that season has passed in my life, and I find myself just doing nothing.  No job, no life, no money. Just blah.  I feel like I went from the pinnacle of Mount Klakilaki (My made up mountain..don't judge me) to now the bottom of the grand canyon.  And no matter how much I try to climb through those walls to get into leveled territory I keep slipping.

The more I think about my future, the more I become nervous and become stressed out.  Will I ever direct a choir again?  Will I actually ever preach again in my life.  The foreseeable future is uncertain about that and that drives...me....BONKER$!!!

Where in the World Do I go from here?  Sometimes when I blog about struggles, I write that "I heard a still small voice telling me that it'll be alright" but to be honest.  I'm not hearing that right now.  Where I am right now, is I'm at a place in my life where I need to be.  I am in a place in my life where I need to be fully dependent of God.  Somehow I'm still able to pay my car note because money is literally coming out of nowhere.  Somehow I can be down in the dumps for the entire day, but out of nowhere something happens to lift me up.  Sometimes I feel abandoned by God, and I, like the great psalmist David cries out: Where are you Lord? Why aren't you listening to my prayers?  You know my needs, why aren't you supplying them?  Why am I still in this place in my life?? (An example of David crying out can be found at Psalm 22)

It's frustrating.  It's very frustrating.  But after going to revival I actually feel a little better.  After hearing the preacher preach, I do feel a little encouraged   Hopefully I can pass this along to one of my readers.  The preacher preached from Isaiah 43:2 & 5.  And the part that really spoke to me is the end of verse 2, where it says: "When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."  The preacher pointed 2 points of emphasis   The fact that the passage says "when" and the fact that the passage says "through".

When you walk.  When you walk.  Not IF you walk through the fire. I mean think about it.  We will walk into the fire.  We will struggle.  We will be down.  So we need to prepare for it. We need to put on the full armor of God.  The myth that followers of Jesus won't struggle is asinine!  God does NOT taking away all of our sufferings   Sometimes, we need to suffer in order to become new.  A caterpillar doesn't become a butterfly with a snap of finger.  It has to eat, get fat, and stay ina tight, annoying cocoon until nature (erm...God) tells it that it's ready. Struggle isn't always bad.

The second point is through.  The fact that the passage says that you will walk THROUGH the fire.  You aren't going to get scorched   You will not become set ablaze.  Wow.  That's encouraging.  That though we will have to walk through the fire, we will survive.  We will make it like the Hezekiah Walker song.

Even though I get annoyed with myself.  Even though at times I feel like God has abandoned me.  Even though I don't know the future.  I know that I will make it.  I know that I know that I can Stand.  No matter what may come my way.  My life is in YOUR hands. (My Life Is In Your Hands) Mannnnn....I'm encouraged!  I'm being completely honest with ya'll, at the start of this blog, I was down.  But the more I wrote, the better I was feeling.  So, this blog in general isn't just to encourage you the readers, it also helps me express myself and answer my own questions.  So, I thank you for reading.  I pray that you've been encouraged as I have been.

God Bless You All!
--MJA

I See You (The Stories)

A.
I see you....young man.  You've come from a pretty privileged lifestyle.  You've never experienced a truly rough moment in your life financially.  You've now grown up and have your own job, your own life, your own career...your own money.  Life is good.  You somehow thought that money would make you happy.  I mean it seemingly made your parents happy all their lives right?  But for you, you was looking for something more...You have even more money than you can spend.  But you need something more.  So you turn to alcohol...then drugs.  Eventually you find yourself so caught up in a cycle of addiction that you start getting angry. Angry at God for allowing this to happen.  "God, if you make me stop drinking I promise I'll serve you forever."  But it hasn't happened...Why hasn't it happened.

B.
I see you woman.  Your dad abused you when you was younger.  Not only did he abuse you sexually, but verbally and physically as well.  Before high school he could be described as an absentee but present father.  He was working all the time.  Never reaching out to talk to you, to teach you about his love.  Never to appreciate you.  But now little girl has all grown up into her high school body, and now he's no longer an absentee but present father.  He's an always present, always thirsty man.  A man of authority in your life that made you do horrendous things.  Things that you'll never forget forever.  It haunts you that you can still remember these things.  "Why did this happen to me!"  You fall in a cycle of clinical depression that drives you up the walls.  You have a hard time trusting any man in your life so why would you trust God the Father...why?? What hope is out there...

C.
I see you...Scared little girl, that's entering this big scary world.  With no direction.  With no hope. With no support.  I mean there is direction and hope but you don't see it.  You have loving parents.  You have a family that has done everything to prove their love to you in the past.  But now you've grown up.  Made some mistakes you regret, and now you have to live with them.  You feel like everyone has turned their back on you.  Those close to you act like they still love you, but do they really?  Do they really care about you?  Cuz if they did, they wouldn't have abandoned you at your weakest hour...at your weakest moment.  Then you turn to God, and you question Him...."How could you let this happen.  I've heard stories about your love and your grace but how could you let this happen to me!"....So you continue through life....

D.
I see you bro.  All your life you wanted to have confirmation.  Confirmation that what you was doing was the right thing.  Confirmation that you was good at sports.  Alll you wanted to hear was the man in your life say: "good job son."  But you never heard it....And you grew up hating your dad for it.  You didn't grow up with a father...you had a mom.  And sure, your mom tried, God bless her soul she tried and did an excellent job filling that void...but it just wasn't enough.  You go through your life angry at the world.  Angry at everything.  You've learned to turn that anger into productivity, but that anger still resides in you.  You reach out to other "Father" figures, but its not the same.  And now you here a preacher to tell you to call God your Father.  Are you kidding me???  Trust God, whom you've never met before.  Nah man, you trippin....

E.
I finally see you girl.  You grew up with a single parent.  And for he most part you are fine with it.  But there's a kicker to it.  Your mom is an alcoholic and extremely possessive.  There were two of you, but your bother died when you was younger and ever since then, she hasn't been the same.  She doesn't want you to go off to college.  She doesn't want you to grow up and leave her.  She's afraid of losing you...afraid of being alone.  So she guilts you into staying.  She makes you stay.  But you know that you have to get out.  You have to leave.  You've been out of college for a while and you see your friends moving on in life.  Jesus, why won't you just cure her of her loneliness and help her let me go.  It drives me crazy with her mood swings due to the alcohol.  I can't keep living like this!  I'm calling on you to help my mom.  Will you help her...please???? I pray for all the time.

These are just the stories that you may or may not be able to relate to.  I don't expect anyone to relate to any of these stories 100% but I expect most people to relate to some aspect of the stores.  This blog is about what I see, through my humanly, finite eyes.  The next blog post is going to be my attempt to describe what God sees and how God wants to help.

Football Injuries

I'm afraid.  I'm can't front.  I'm scared to death.  I can't be on of those people, one of those people on stage, one of those people writing blogs, one of those people that just seem to have all the answers.  That seems to coast in life.  That has that strong shoulder to lean on.  Sometimes, I gotta get vulnerable. Sometimes I just..gotta be honest.

My future...what's going through my head can be summed up in one word: Doubt.  In football, when a player gets injured the team is required to post their injury and their status for the upcoming game.  There are four choices the coaches have: Probable,  Questionable, Doubtful, or Out.  The Probable status is understood to opposing players/coaches as to say that the player has a 75% chance of playing.  For each category, the chance of the player goes down 25% (Questionable = 50%; Doubtful = 25%, Out = 0%).  Basically, if you are a couch, and a player has anything under a probable....maybe a questionable, you assume that they aren't going to play.

Why am I bringing up football injury talk.  Well that's bascially how my brain has been envisioning my future since November.  In November I was sure...ABSOLUTELY sure thatt I was going to go to Law School, pass the Bar and become a lawyer.  But once December came in and I had my little tête-à-tête with Abba, my confidence in my future became a probable.  I knew that I now wanted to be a Pastor, I didn't necessarily know any of the critical details, but I knew what I wanted to be in the long run...a Minister of the Gospel.

Then came the Spring Semester of my Senior Year at college.  Mine eyes were illuminated to more than one thing but with that illumination came more messyness.  I started to learn more about the "profession" that I was gonna embark on.  The training I would need...The struggles of those in said "profession."  The questions...the uncertainty about being in the ministry because lets be real, what are the chances of me being the next Pastor Woody Dalton let alone the next Bishop TD Jakes...not veryyy high.  So I had to think of a way to make money...Enter PARALEGAL.  But that made my situation even more messy cuz now I had to get even more training.  So, I went from going to school for 3 years, getting my JD (Law Degree) and working on being a lawyer, to getting my Paralegal Certification & Master's of Divinity.  Yeah....the success of my future had now moved to the Questionable Phase.

Now, I've finished the summer (basically).  Finished with my internship at Harrisburg BIC Church (which I highly recommend for those in the area).  Came out with soo much more knowledge about Pastoring and what it really means to be in the Ministry.  Had a plan to take a Semester off and go to Seminary (PBU possibly) in the Spring and just chill in the fall/winter.  Welllll lets just say unforseeable, but great, circumstances have slightly altered my plans....DOubt.

And here I am, in High School my stress outlet was competitive Golf.  In college my stress outlet was choir, more specifically Directing Choirs.  And now I have lost all of it.  I feel like a college graduate...a college graduate that lives with his parents...A college graduate without a job....A college graduate that quickly loses money because of debt....A colllege graduate that can no longer express himself...A college graduate that has lost his stress reliever...A college graduate that feels like a bum.

At moments like these, I can't help but to doubt.  To question.  To think about whether their really is a plan for my life. Am I just aimlessly wandering around this life wasting each day changing plans...What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm reading all the "good" books, I'm talking all the "good" talks.  But I'm still wandering...I mean reallly God!  You said you have my back!  You said that you have a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) ...But I see all my friends being successful.  Having jobs lined up.  Having lives.  Having money.  Moving away from their parental units homes (no offense to my house).  And here I am...doing nothing!  I am worthless.  Unworthy of the gifts you gave me.  I'm just wasting them! AJDNMFHSM,MD!

But it's at that moment...The moment that I had shut down my computer at 1 AM on Sept. 4, 2012, that I heard a still small voice in my ear saying: "I got this." My God!  I'd just gotten finished reading about when Jacob wrestled with God and told Him: "I will not let go until you bless me." (Genesis 32:26)  And at that point, God blessed him.  I'm reminded that God comes in right at the right time.  That realization was sooo amazing that I had to Boot up my comp again and just blog about it.  Honestly, I don't know how many people are going to read this, but I'm encouraged!

Don't get me wrong my peoples, I still have doubts.  To be completely honest, my life is still in the Doubtful status.  The nights are still going to come, but in the morning, I'll be ok.  Why?  Because I know that it'll never reach the Out status until my life on this earth is done.  I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to Press toward that Mark.  Ima keep trugging (Yes, I just made up that word.) forward.  Trusting God.  Knowing that I got put in these weird situations.  But I am embracing these situations.  Besides it isn't all bad, I got a family that supports me, AND I have a lady in my life that has my back.

That plus God over all of them being my North Star.  I'm golden!

The Sacrifice of Worship

What do you do when you've done all you can and it seems like you just can't make it through?  What do you do when you are down on life.  Maybe a relative passed away.  Maybe you lost your job.  Maybe you aren't succeeding in life as much as you would like.  What is the quickest, easiest way guaranteed to get you out of your funk?

Well I'm glad you asked these great questions.  I have the magic answer: You Worship God.  I can tell you from experience that when I am feeling down and out, the quickest and surest way to get out of my funk is to just starting singing the songs of Zion.

Listen, God loves us.  God wants nothing but for us to be happy.  But sometimes, things happen.  Life is an emotional roller coaster.  But the one constant in our life is the Love the Christ has for us.  Everything that happens, whether it's negative or positive, will ALWAYS work out for our God. (Romans 8:28) It may not be the immediate or foreseeable feature.  But, that's a promise that the Word of God gives us. But I would be naive if I didn't acknowledge the fact that it still sucks when bad things happen in life.  Like sucks A TON.

It's at these moments however, where God really needs to shine in your hearts.  There are sooo many great things that God has blessed us each with and we need to be thankful for that because the cliche holds true: it could ALWAYS be worse.

It's at these moments that you, as a creation of God, need to extol him.  Need to thank Him for all he did for your life.  This is called the "sacrifice of Worship."  When you are feeling down, sing.  When you are feeling depressed, sing.  When you are feeling suicidal, sing. I guarantee that if what you are singing is coming from the heart, you will get out of that funk.  In Psalm 22:3, the Bible tells us that God "inhabits the praises of His people."  Now it doesn't say that we have to be in the best mood when we praise.  Quite frankly, a lot of the times that I end up having to lead Praise & Worship in church or when I have to have my mini praise session, I don't feel like it.  The devil was getting to me, attack ing my soul.  But the beauty is that as long as I'm praising, extolling God, he will inhabit it.

Now what does inhabit mean?  It means to dwell, to live in.  Where will he dwell in?  In our hearts.  To calm the storms of our life for that moment.  Notice I didn't say permanently, but he will give us that peace that surpasses understanding.  Like out of nowhere, we will feel amazing.  Don't believe me, I have 2 great examples. One personal and one testimony.

I don't know if all my readers know, but one of the things I pride myself in, is directing Gospel Choirs.  My senior year of college I directed 2 choirs, one at school and one at church.  So, in essence, music is my life.  But this story comes from one of the choir members in the school choir who was a Sophomore for the 2011-2012 school year.  This was her first year in the choir after a rough freshman year filled with heartbreaks and disappointments.  And it's safe to say that she was having a rough relationship with God.

So she joined the choir after seeing us perform during the 2010-2011 school year (her Freshman year & my first year directing the choir) the next year having those thoughts looming around in her head.  For the first half of Fall 2011 she was still down, still having a plethora of thoughts running through her head constantly asking God: "Why? Why? Why?"  But, the more she sacrificed or forced herself to sing, the more peace she started to feel about it.  The situation in itself wasn't necessarily getting better, but she was gaining that It is Well With my Soul peace.  By the end of her Sophomore year, I'm sure she will tell you that forcing herself to praise God even though she didn't feel like it, realllly reallllly helped her.  Because God inhabited her praise.

For me, my one of many examples came from my Senior Year of College.  Where the school choir was scheduled to perform that morning and I rolled out of bed completely in the wrong spirit.  I legitimately rolled out of the wrong side of bed.  And when I direct, I don't just stand there and move my arms, I have energy, I engage the listeners and hype up the singers.  But that day...I just didn't feel like it and I know people could tell on my face.

So, the rehearsal right before the we sang i was just flat.  And when the actually moment came for us to sing our first few songs I was out of it.  I grabbed the mic started engaging the audience, and it was just....flat.  So I just stopped trying and just focused on the choir.  But the longer the service went the better I was solely starting to feel.  We sang approx... 3 songs and then the speaker for the morning spoke who was amazing by the way.  By the time the speaker was done speaking, I started to feel the Spirit but I needed that finial push.  So the choir went up to sing its final song which was a simple song called In This Place.  Where the main line is: "Lord have your way in this place."  This song, in its simplicity never really did anything to my spirit before.  But this wasn't any ordinary time.

For the first time in my life.  I started crying because of the Holy Spirit.  It was tears of joys.  It actually had a little trouble directing and thankfully made it through it.  But when it was over, I just sat in my chair and just started thanking God silently with my head buried in my hands.  That was the legit moment where I felt the Spirit move the most in my life and it ironically came at the time when I felt the worst initially.

See brethren!  You gotta force yourself sometimes.  The Sacrifice of Worship.  It's not about how you feel.  It's about recognizing the sovereignty of God.  That despite it all, The Lord Has Been Sooo Good to you.  I'm going to end it with the first verse and chorus to one of Kirk Franklin's most famous songs (I told you that music is my life) which was actually probably his first legit hit called Why We Sing.

Someone asked the question:

Why do we sing?

When we lift our hands to Jesus;

What do we really mean?

Someone may be wondering,

When we sing our song;

At times we maybe crying

And nothings even wrong.

-

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

His eye is on the sparrow

That's the reason why I sing.

Glory Hallelujah!

You're the reason why I sing!

Character

I'm reading a book called The Blueprint by Kirk Franklin and it is really openning mine eyes to alot of things.  You know its one of those things that has been going on in my head all the time and I think i subcounsciously knew, but now its being brought to life.  He did a section on Character.  He defines character as: "That thing that makes your eyes glow and causes people to wonder why little things don't drive you crazy."

How do you gain character?  By being tested, twisted and pulled.  The more trials you go through and survive the more you grow in faith because you realize that you can't make it without the Lord and He just keeps on keeping on pulling you out of those impossible situations.  That's why elders are as easily shaken as we youngins.  They've been through worse, they've had those sleepless nights, they've had those days where they didn't realize how they were going to feed their family.  I love it when he said:

"That's why every difficult situation, every storm in life that comes your way, has to be viewed with an eye on the truth that God allows hard times in our lives to build and devlop our character; therefore, you can't run away from every trial that comes.  Because if you do, you won't grow."

Wow, I guess Romans 8:28 is as true as it comes.  People complain (and I'm included) about how they want God to intervene in their lives and make it better.  When in actuallilty, we NEED these trials in order to become more godly men and women.  Building character is like lifting weights or training.  If you keep on doing the same amount every time you will reach a peak and never get stronger.  But keep on adding trusting that God is your "spotter" and he won't let you die.  Trust...oh such an hard thing.

So, I challenge you to accept these challenges to build your character.  I challenge myself to accept these challenges.  As much as I moan and complain, when it all comes down to it, all these things are happening to make me a better man of God.  For that my friends, it's worth it.

Deserving

What do I deserve?  I recently caught myself, like I always do, complaining.  Complaining about my life complaining about my mind even complaining about other peoples' lives (crazy I know!) but then I just stopped myself.  Why?  Because a thought came to my head that made me realize: WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN?  I do understand that it is the "Christian Thang" to complain but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do my best complaining.  

This month there has been a plethora of changes in my life; positive changes in my life but for some reason I find that thing to complain about. Why?  It is because I ine'vitably ungrateful.  I'm reminded of the Deitrick Haddon Song simply titled: "Ungrateful" where the bridge says:

Lord forgive me..., I'm sorry...so ungrateful/When I Should Be Thankful/Please Forgive me..Lord I'm sorry/I Should be thankful, but look at me/I'm so ungrateful after all that You've done..

And that right there makes me ponder the idea, what do I deserve?  Why do I feel like I'm entitled to anything.  Anything that I have whether it is material, relational, or spiritual is a GIFT from the Lord.  Why can't I get it across my thick skull and stop complaining?  As a believer its frustrating to complain about little things.  Ok, you don't like me like I like you, so, I have to get over it.  Ok, I didn't get the gift I wanted, I have to get over it.  Ok, I didn't get the grade I wanted because I didn't work as hard as I could've (because you can always work harder), well, I have to get over it & then work harder next time. Ok, I don't the singing voice I want, I have to get over it & make it work for me.  Dear Michael, stop being ungrateful.

The high positions I have is nothing but a blessing from God and I even catch myself complaining about that.  Are you kidding me?  I don't DESERVE to be the director of two choirs!  I thank God every day that he gives me the opportunity to bless others and that those that follow me...follow me.  Paul said that for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  There hasn't been a more true statement in my opinion.  I am no better than anyone else out there.  Why do I get mad when I didn't get the promotion I feel like I deserved.  Or why do I get mad when I didn't get the girl I felt like I deserved.  Why do I get mad when I didn't get the recognition I felt like I deserved.  Or get mad because I can't hit the tenor note all the time because I deserve to do it.  I can keep going, it is ridiculous when I type it out.  Truth be told the only thing I deserve is to go to Hell.  But by the grace of God, sending his ONLY begotten son Jesus the Christ am I not destined for that eternal pit.

You know, for the first time I'm being completely honest.  All these things are things I've personally struggled with.  I'm sure I'm missing some of the other things I'm missing which is fine.  But if you are reading this, just remember to Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 107:1).