How To Love

I am currently reading a book by Bishop TD Jakes (whom I designate as one of the wisest men alive) called Let It God: Forgive so that you can be forgiven.  This reading focuses on the many aspects of our day-to-day lives and how the unforgiving heart can stunt our growth in every conceivable way.  I absolutely had to read this book since my first sermon was on forgiveness.  So let me preface this blog by saying that the main idea came from Bishop Jakes.
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I am one emotional man.  I will be the first to admit it.  Sometimes during movies I can feel a tear coming during those impactful scenes (but for the record, I don't cry!).  It's easy for me to admit that my emotions made me who I am today.  Although most of the times I shade them and hide them until I can't control them anymore (which can be good and bad), I am no longer ashamed to admit that I am just an emotional man.

One of issues that really has an impact on my heart is self-love.  Maybe it's because I grew up with 3 older women or maybe it's another reason, but my heart goes out to people who don't love themselves and just beat themselves up on a daily.  I just want to wrap them in a love that tells them that they are worth more; tell them that they are loved...

I am privileged to have grown up in a stable home with both parents fully present.  I'm not just privileged to have that, I'm blessed.  The older I get the more I realize that my nuclear family is becoming the exception rather the rule especially in the urban context that I grew up in.  I've never had to question my parents support for me even when I do something that was to their disproval.  So that no matter what, I felt loved.  Even before I fully comprehended my Christian faith, I felt the love of Christ on my life.

Growing up with that blessing, I've come to realize that many people don't have that.  Some people grow up with their mom and/or dad talking down on them.  Making them believe that they will fail.  Or even worse patronizing them for their errors over and over again.  And if one of you are reading this, I am, from the pit of my heart, very sorry.

I'm not hear however for a pity party.  I'm hear to just say that regardless of the past, you can move forward.  For every time someone tells you that you can't, God tells you that you can thrice that!  Sometimes it's hard to believe to understand without feeling the love or support growing up that you can't do it.  As a result you take it out on your self with self-mutilation, depression, anxiety.

Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves, but if we don't love ourselves, how can we learn to love our neighbors.  A lot of people I know that have the issue of self-disdain treat others around them like kings and queens and then as a result get trampled on by people like yours truly   When that happens the cycle continues. Over. And Over. Again.  I can't tell you how to love yourselves.  I can only pray for you.  I can only pray from our generation.  I can only pray that you feel the unconditional love that I receive from my father. No, not my earthly father, but my heavenly father.

I can support you.  I can love on you like a brother or a sister.  I can tell you that you were made in the image of God and that God didn't make a mistake when he made you.  I can affirm you and remind you that because of God's love for you that he sent Jesus to die on the cross for your sins.  I can and will do what I can to help the hurting.

One of, if not my, favorite gospel artists is Kirk Franklin.  Kirk Franklin has an interesting story of a kid who grew up without a father, and he overheard his mother say that he was a mistake.  As a result he became a constant people pleaser, always looking for affirmation in the wrong places.  What makes him amazing is that he allows his emotions, his past, to bleed through the lyrics of some of his songs.  One song that it's evident in is called Imagine Me.  The song reminds me that no matter what your past has done to you it's gone.  Your past is literally your past.  Imagine you breaking free from the chains of bondage yesterday put you in to live today like theres no tomorrow!

Like I said, I don't have the blueprint for teaching people how to love themselves.  All I can do is point, point to the Bible, point to the cross, and point to my Father in heaven.

My heart goes out to all those that are hurting.  I pray that you discover that unconditional love and accompanied by peace.  A peace that passes all understanding.

--MJA

Imagine Me

Football Injuries

I'm afraid.  I'm can't front.  I'm scared to death.  I can't be on of those people, one of those people on stage, one of those people writing blogs, one of those people that just seem to have all the answers.  That seems to coast in life.  That has that strong shoulder to lean on.  Sometimes, I gotta get vulnerable. Sometimes I just..gotta be honest.

My future...what's going through my head can be summed up in one word: Doubt.  In football, when a player gets injured the team is required to post their injury and their status for the upcoming game.  There are four choices the coaches have: Probable,  Questionable, Doubtful, or Out.  The Probable status is understood to opposing players/coaches as to say that the player has a 75% chance of playing.  For each category, the chance of the player goes down 25% (Questionable = 50%; Doubtful = 25%, Out = 0%).  Basically, if you are a couch, and a player has anything under a probable....maybe a questionable, you assume that they aren't going to play.

Why am I bringing up football injury talk.  Well that's bascially how my brain has been envisioning my future since November.  In November I was sure...ABSOLUTELY sure thatt I was going to go to Law School, pass the Bar and become a lawyer.  But once December came in and I had my little tête-à-tête with Abba, my confidence in my future became a probable.  I knew that I now wanted to be a Pastor, I didn't necessarily know any of the critical details, but I knew what I wanted to be in the long run...a Minister of the Gospel.

Then came the Spring Semester of my Senior Year at college.  Mine eyes were illuminated to more than one thing but with that illumination came more messyness.  I started to learn more about the "profession" that I was gonna embark on.  The training I would need...The struggles of those in said "profession."  The questions...the uncertainty about being in the ministry because lets be real, what are the chances of me being the next Pastor Woody Dalton let alone the next Bishop TD Jakes...not veryyy high.  So I had to think of a way to make money...Enter PARALEGAL.  But that made my situation even more messy cuz now I had to get even more training.  So, I went from going to school for 3 years, getting my JD (Law Degree) and working on being a lawyer, to getting my Paralegal Certification & Master's of Divinity.  Yeah....the success of my future had now moved to the Questionable Phase.

Now, I've finished the summer (basically).  Finished with my internship at Harrisburg BIC Church (which I highly recommend for those in the area).  Came out with soo much more knowledge about Pastoring and what it really means to be in the Ministry.  Had a plan to take a Semester off and go to Seminary (PBU possibly) in the Spring and just chill in the fall/winter.  Welllll lets just say unforseeable, but great, circumstances have slightly altered my plans....DOubt.

And here I am, in High School my stress outlet was competitive Golf.  In college my stress outlet was choir, more specifically Directing Choirs.  And now I have lost all of it.  I feel like a college graduate...a college graduate that lives with his parents...A college graduate without a job....A college graduate that quickly loses money because of debt....A colllege graduate that can no longer express himself...A college graduate that has lost his stress reliever...A college graduate that feels like a bum.

At moments like these, I can't help but to doubt.  To question.  To think about whether their really is a plan for my life. Am I just aimlessly wandering around this life wasting each day changing plans...What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm reading all the "good" books, I'm talking all the "good" talks.  But I'm still wandering...I mean reallly God!  You said you have my back!  You said that you have a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) ...But I see all my friends being successful.  Having jobs lined up.  Having lives.  Having money.  Moving away from their parental units homes (no offense to my house).  And here I am...doing nothing!  I am worthless.  Unworthy of the gifts you gave me.  I'm just wasting them! AJDNMFHSM,MD!

But it's at that moment...The moment that I had shut down my computer at 1 AM on Sept. 4, 2012, that I heard a still small voice in my ear saying: "I got this." My God!  I'd just gotten finished reading about when Jacob wrestled with God and told Him: "I will not let go until you bless me." (Genesis 32:26)  And at that point, God blessed him.  I'm reminded that God comes in right at the right time.  That realization was sooo amazing that I had to Boot up my comp again and just blog about it.  Honestly, I don't know how many people are going to read this, but I'm encouraged!

Don't get me wrong my peoples, I still have doubts.  To be completely honest, my life is still in the Doubtful status.  The nights are still going to come, but in the morning, I'll be ok.  Why?  Because I know that it'll never reach the Out status until my life on this earth is done.  I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to Press toward that Mark.  Ima keep trugging (Yes, I just made up that word.) forward.  Trusting God.  Knowing that I got put in these weird situations.  But I am embracing these situations.  Besides it isn't all bad, I got a family that supports me, AND I have a lady in my life that has my back.

That plus God over all of them being my North Star.  I'm golden!

Blessed to be a Blessing

Here's a fact:

I've been blessed.  I have people in my life that care about me, and want to see me prosper.  But most importantly, challenge me and place high (sometimes unbearable) expectations on me.

I am a believer in the phrase, "to much is given, much is expected" (mostly because it is in the Bible Luke 12:48).  I've been given alot, so I need to be a blessing in someone else's life.  I hope people have seen the Jesus in me whether its through my ministry, through this blog, through interactions with me, or just watching me.  I take this mission very seriously so I mean it when I say: if anyone EVER needs me, even if its just for me to pray for them, I'm here.  Send me I'll Go!

I love you guys even if I don't know you.  May the Lord continue to places barriers and obstacles in your life because it will only make you stronger!  God Bless You All!