If the readers out there don't really know who I am, I was a Gospel Director for 2 choirs for the past 3 years. I've been known as being a bit eccentric crazy, wild, and just about any likewise definition you could think of. There's only one way I can really portray how I am when I direct and that's to show you. So here's a video of my Alma Mater, Messiah College doing Kirk Franklin's Song Hosanna. Now I'm not directing the song but I want you to guess which one I am...
Sometimes when I watch this video I cringe at how crazy I become when I'm praising my God. But if I'm honest, I wasn't always like that. Long story short, I didn't become like that until I freed myself. I'm naturally an introvert, but when I worship the Lord, I don't care who's watching and what I do. My God is great and is greatly to be praised!
However, I will be the first to admit that there have been times as a worship leader where I haven't felt like worshipping. Where I didn't want to be up there directing because I was having personal issues with God. When that happened 1 of 2 things occurred
The first time it happened I forced myself to be the man that everyone expected to see. It's like I had my head on wrong. When I first came out of my introvert shell and just danced like David danced I surprised myself. I didn't know that that much Jesus love was in me. After a while though, you hit that point where you start to get a little burned-out as a worship leader/choir director. When that point reached, I was putting on a show. I was trying wayy too hard. I was like the worship leader in the aforementioned article. I staged and planned everything. The worst (actually, probably the best) part about it was that people could tell. I was trying wayyyy to hard to put on a show and when I was approached by a couple of friends in my church, I denied it. I didn't see it, I thought my mask was secure. But it wasn't. After that point I talked with Pastor Woody about it and he reminded me to just be myself. Stop trying to hard. You see we as worship leaders get into trouble when we try to impress others with our style. When we try to impress the crowd with what we do. That's a dangerous problem to have.
The second time I caught myself in a rut however went a little bit differently. I was leading the school choir before chapel and I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I wasn't gonna really hide how I felt too much; I wasn't really into the directing thing but I couldn't just stop because I was the Student Director. So I just chugged through the service. BUT GOD had other plans for me. As we sang our last song (which to be honest wasn't one of my favorites), God worked on my heart ya'll. The hook went "Lord Have Your Way in This Place." And just kept getting repeated. All of a sudden I felt something on my heart. By the end of the song I was about to be into tears because of how great God is. For the first time in my life, I was about to weep for Jesus. Mannnnn that was one of the best moments of my life even though I still don't like the song very much!
What am I trying to say? We, as worship leaders, choir directors, music ministerials need to make sure we have our hearts in the right place at all times! There are going to be those days where you just ain't gonna feel like goin up there. But we have a job to do, we have a responsibility to be respective leaders in our churches. So when you go up there just be yourself. Don't put on a show. I'd rather a leader go up in front of a church and admit that he or she is struggling than for someone to put on their Sunday's Best and act like they are lollygagging through the flowers. Church is about real people with real issues so let's start being real with each other. Life sucks sometimes and that's ok. Let you brothers and sisters in Christ come around you and support you. That's what they are here for! :)
One of my favorite moments as a choir director was a couple of years ago when UVP (Messiah's Gospel Choir) did Byron Cage's rendition of the Praise & Worship song Breathe. I'll be the first to admit that the first part of the song was rehearsed but that was just the primer. But when you move out of the introduction and allow the Holy Spirit to enter into the sanctuary, things happened. I can't explain it ya'll. But to this day, I relive that moment in my head over and over again. Be a vessel for God. Since you are up there leading other people you HAVE to make sure your head is right. Don't put up a front. Just...Let Em UZE Ya! Cuz when the Praises go up! The Blessing come down! (Psalm 67)
--MJA
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