What's Goin On (Part 1)

Soooo this is part 1 of a 4 part series of where I will take the job of a sociologist to find out what's going on between male and female interaction.  There are a lot of issues/complaints I've heard over the years from one side to the other, so now here's the chance to iron everything out.

For this part, I interviewed 14 ladies of different ethnicities and ages and I asked the vague question: "What are the top 5 things that men do that anger/frustrate you?" The vague question allowed a plethora of different answers.  The purpose is two fold: 1. To become a better man when I do get in a relationship, and secondly, to help men understand women and visa-versa in any way whatsoever.  I'm here to help!

Without further a due, I put together the five most annoying/frustrating things that we men tend to do.

The most complained issue (in at least 9 surveys) was: communication issues.  We men are notoriously bad at communicating things to our ladies.  Now this topic is a vague/overlapping issue within itself but we need to get better at expressing ourselves!  We need to be honest and upfront with women not shady and unclear (which I'm notoriously known to be).  A lot of the issue is that we are veryyyy slow to trust and very slow to make friends.  But once we have a woman we can trust, we gotta open up to them, we gotta trust them, we gotta communicate with them.  We need to understand our women.  One of the ladies I surveyed said: "...sometimes guys label us as overemotional, dramatic criers.  Which, for some of us is not even true, and other times it's just how girls know how to express themselves. It means a lot when a guy figures out how to communicate with a girl."  You see that, its just that simple step of just understanding the lady you are dealing with and how she communicates and work with her.  It's a relationship!  Give and take both ways.

The next most complained about issue is related to the first: emotionless.  Whether it's claiming to be emotionless or making our women feel like we are emotionless, this is a real issue.  We tend to hide our emotions because it's not manly to be emotional.  It's not manly to be vulnerable.  But let me tell you something men, it takes a REAL man to be vulnerable with himself and with his mate.  Our ladies want to understand us, to know what makes our hearts break and what makes us joyous. So let them! I know...I know...its extremely hard; I've been there.  But once you do, your relationship will go to a whole nother level..beyond sex. As one of the women surveyed said: "I hate when men pretend they don't have an emotional or compassionate side.  I don't see what's wrong with showing that.  I actually appreciate that.  No one (or at least I don't) need a man that doesn't have emotion."  You see!  They want a man that has emotion.  How fun would it be to take a scarecrow??

This next point really hit me hard as a man, especially as a black man, but the next point of annoyance is the fact that we are prideful.  Pride can bring out the best in us, or the worst in us.  Unfortunately it tends to bring out the latter.  Women expressed our prideful tendencies is how we are arrogant and cocky to name a few.  The bible states (somewhere) that pride comes before the fall.  When we get to the point where we feel like we don't need each other or other people, that's where the devil starts to tear apart relationships.  When it comes down to it, we do need each other.  I am a confident man sometimes, and unfortunately I can be cocky and arrogant.  That's something that is a work in progress.  There's a difference between being proud and being boastful because when it all comes down to it, it's never our doing, rather it's the Lord, who gives each of us men our talents and abilities doing.  One aspect of pride that one of the ladies stated is that we have a tendency to never admit when we are wrong.  That's a problem...let's fix it!

Fourthly, we are known to be disrespectful. Oh boy, that's a big one.  Disrespect can come in many different shapes and sizes, but when it comes down to it: disrespect is disrespect.  The media disrespects/objectifies out women enough, why do we need to aid in that!  Women are not objects that we obtain like I used to think (unknowingly).  They are human beings with a capacity to think, act, and learn.  They want to be loved and respected.  One of the biggest importance for men is that we want to be respected.  We HAVE to be respected, but let me tell you, in order to get respect you gotta give it.  One way that we disrespect them is by, "tryna get my number without asking for my name first."  Really!?  Can't ask the lady her name??  Come on men, use your God given head!

The last issue that I am going to address here that was expressed in at least six different surveys is the idea that we under-appreciate our women of God.  Just like I wrote my blog: Women are a gift from God.  We, I, need to start acting like it.  Whether its doing something as simple as putting the toilet seat down after we are done (which a couple people wrote down), or actually listening to what they are saying as opposed to just hearing.  We gotta appreciate them.  Yes, mentally portraying women falling in the toilet seat is a hilarious thought in my head (sorry I can't help it), it's still wrong.  We have a habit of trying to focus on the bigger issues instead of valuing the "smaller" things.  As one of the ladies said: "[We] seem to handle the tangible and visible things and forget other things that are just as important, but not directly in front of them."

Finally, this isn't something that was a trend, but I found a couple of women that noted that we as men have a habit of trying to fix everything!  Sometimes they need to just vent and express themselves.  It goes along with the whole "shoulder to cry on" aspect.  Women don't expect us to be superman even though it seems like they do after reading this.  They just want someone to care for them, to love and appreciate them.  Is that really to much to ask for?  Besides, women are a gift from God...let's treat them like they are: Queens of our lives.

I hope this helps men understand what women are looking for.  And I hope this assures women that at least this man is trying to become what you want him to be!  Work with me and I'll work with you!

*Next up, it's the brothas turn to vent.  What do women do that annoy/frustrate us??? This should be fun!