What's Goin On (Part 2)

Well, the time has come for me to make a host of enemies with the female constituents.  The first part of this blog asked women the question: What are the top 5 things that men do that anger/frustrate you?. Well, I got a host of various responses which can be found by viewing this link: What's Goin On Part 1.  I'm not gonna get too much into the details.  But, lets just say that its time for the brothas to respond!  We heard you ladies, and we took your criticism.  Now its your turn to do the same.  You can disagree with me if you want, but I'm just saying the vibes you ladies give off. 

My only hope is that I have earned the trust and respect of my women readers that you are able to read this without feeling like I'm taking a shot at ya.  This is no shot against any specific woman, but just women in general.  For this study (I feel soo professional) I interviewed 12 guys.  This number does include myself but I answered the question before I interviewed and compiled everyone else's answers.  Andddd my results are weighted just as much as every other guy.

Ok, now that we are on the same page, I'm going to present the top 5 annoyances due to women.  

I know I did the listing of the top 5 in the previous blog in descending order, but this time, I'm going to do it in ascending order to add drama. So, the 5th most responded to answer was: Dress Appeal.  What in the world do I mean by dress appeal?  Well ya know, a true/real man isn't going to want his girlfriend to dress like she's going to the club 24/7.  A real man realizes that beauty comes from within and not from without.  Yes, I would be the first person to admit that I love a woman that can dress.  One of the most attractive things for me is when a woman can out dress me, but dress isn't everything.  Especially if you are consistently showing off your B's (went over your head didn't I?)  This is a huge issue for us men that call ourselves Christians.  We try to live by a lifestyle, but the flesh is a hard thing to control and it's even harder when too much is shown.  One of the men said: "girls that feel the need to 'flaunt' themselves....like guys struggle with lust enough.  I don't need to see everything all the time."Like I said, its nice to be a good dresser, but try to control yourselves...for the benefit of us admitting struggling men.

The 4th most annoyance is: Assumptions.  Aww man, this one plays a huge role for me personally.  Assumptions...assumptions.  Women...ya'll have a habit of assuming everything about a man!  I'm going to give you a reality check: EVERY SINGLE MAN isn't a jerk!  There are legit good men out there!  One of my favorite lines that was stated by Pastor Waller is: just because you've had an experience with one bad dude doesn't make you an expert on all men just in the same way that a bad experience with one woman makes any man an expert on women.  I mean that's...just...logical.  Listen, I know you've been hurt by your love.  But seriously every guy in the world isn't out to hurt you.  Isn't out to purposefully make you cry.  To cheat on you.  As one of my brothas noted, "when girls start posting statuses on Facebook like 'all guys are jerks!' You're just not giving Mr. Right the chance to show up!  If girls don't like being called jerks, then why say something you don't like?"  OK, honestly check, I've called a girl a jerk, but I never mean it seriously (I think).  But, these assumptions doo sooo much more harm than good.  It's like you take us out of the running before we get a chance!  Just give us a chance!  Besides, my momma always said that when you assume you become the first three letter of the word...

The middle of the road annoyance which is: Devaluement.  Yep, I just made-up a word.  Devaluement. Deal with it!  What I mean when I say that word is that you say that we under--appreciate (See Part 1) ya'll and that may be true, but ya'll under-appreciate (or devalue) yourselves.  Whether it's changing your personalities just to fit in as one guy said or trying to be skinny like all the models as another guy noted, you were made in the image of God.  Come on!  You are beautiful just the way you are.  No, I'm not trying to sound like Bruno Mars, but it's true.  You need to recognize what ya'll are to us men.  You are Queens (as I said ina previous blog).  You are daughters of God!  A man I interviewed said that one of his annoyances is when a girl, "acts like a whore when they are worth so much more."  I chose to keep the exact language because it roots to the seriousness of the issue.  YOU ARE WORTH SOO MUCH MORE.  If you've never had a guy tell you that, I'm here telling you that as well as other men.

Now we are down to the top 2 responses!  Here we go!  The runner-up annoyance is: Self-Centered.  Now, I know, that word is a very harsh word.  And honestly, this is one of those lack of a better term words that encompasses a vast array of issues.  One array is when as one man noted, is when ya'll don't...can't...choose not to...control your emotions!  Men, we have a limit...a bar.  The worst thing we can call a woman is a *female dog*.  But women, ya'll just cut...to borrow from my favorite comedian Kevin Hart, when women get mad, "Ya'll see red."But this self-centered issue can stem from something as light hearted as wanting us to kiss ya'll while you are sick.  One of my friends made that observation.  He observed: "have 2 sick people isn't any better than have 1 sick person.  In fact, it's worse."  Here's a fact: we, as men, do care about ya'll.  But a relationship works two ways.  Learn to control your anger.  Don't ballon issues and make them bigger than they need to be.  I know...I know...imma man so I'll never understand women, but that still needs to be said as the intercessor.

Now the time has come!  The most noted complained by every single guy is when women are: Lying/Avoidant.  Let's see if I can simply explain what my fellas are trying to say here.

One thing I am solely noticing is that both men and women lie constantly.  But in completely different ways.  Men...we tell those stupid lies that get us in trouble or sometimes get us out of trouble (think about it....).  Women, ya'll on the other had lie by being avoidant.  You all expect us men to be mind-readers.  You say that you are fine, but in reality you aren't.  And in some situations I understand why you do it: you want the men to show that they care.  But in many other situations, it's completely unnecessary.  Or when a man asks you (genuinely) "What's wrong" and you say "nothing."  Do you understand how frustrating that is for us!?  Women...ya'll like to play games.  One of the biggest games is stating a statement that is false but you somehow expect us to know its true.  That's lying!

How does this link to avoidance though?  Well, when you avoid the situation by saying that everything is alright when it isnt...that's lying.  That's just setting us up to fail!  I like to think I'm good at reading people (at least I used to think that) but I still miss a ton of those avoidance moments.  Oorrr even worse, I assume that the lady I'm talking to is lying to me when she isn't and then I don't believe her and it just ruins everything!  One of my brothers-in-Christ quoted Proverbs 31:26 which said: "she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."  According to him, that verse is talking about a noble woman; a wife.  And the context of him quoting that text is when a woman tried to "bait" him into asking her what's wrong.  Here's the situation if you didn't know.  If I am talking to you, that means I care about you.  You don't have to bait me in.  Just come out! But that's just me I guess(?).  If you are comfortable enough to throw out bait, then you are comfortable enough to cast the line and take a risk in catching a fish instead of a shark. (I got lost in my own metaphor but I guess I'm trying to say imma fish? maybe?)  I digressed again, but what I'm trying to say is (stealing the words from the same man): "Don't play games, just talk to me."

To wrap it all up, the top 5 annoyances are: Lying/Avoidant, being Self-Centered, the issues of Devaluement, always drawing Assumptions, and the Dress Appeal.

Now, if you made it to this part, it means that I didn't completely anger you with my observations.  Orr maybe I did and you just wanted to see some more of my invalid and asinine comments which is fine too.  I'm always open for criticism and debate (which I LOVE by the way).  But I'm just going to leave you with a statement: 

Women, I love ya'll.  I think you are the greatest thing God ever made.  But sometimes you do things that annoy me...greatly.  I hope this opens the door for the conversation and that both men and women can use both parts of the blog to learn and adapt.  Just remember that you are all queens and Daughters of the most high God!

The next part is a study on how women view other women.  As long as every woman in the world doesn't hate me for posting this, that will be an interesting study!

God's Got This!

So, I was driving back to Harrisburg from Erie gettin my Christian Jam on (Pop, Rock, Contemporary, & Gospel) when a song came on called: Your Will and it is written by a little known artist named Darius Brooks.  Now this song isn't what I would call recent, but Mr. Brooks is what we call a One-Hit Wonder.  Now I know I said that there is going to be a series on relationships, but once I started listening/singing (badly) the lyrics to the song I was hit.  Noooo, not by a car, but by the Spirit.  The song lyrics are soo indicative of how I feel soo many times that I just gotta put them on the page:

I wish I could tell you just what I want,

and you'd give it to me just like that.

The truth of the matter;

What I want just might hurt me

and you won't let me go out like that.

You know my end, before my beginning:

calculated blessings down to the penny.

So I'll cry 'till you tell me, "Let it go, let it be"

Cause Oh Lord,

Lord, Your will is what's best for me.

Wow....those lyrics describe me and my thoughts perfectly!  I know I've been a little harsh on my blogs recently but this...this has been placed on my heart to help people like me.  Constantly....I mean daily, I have a bunch of scenarios play in my head (another disadvantage of being an introvert).  With these scenarios comes questions...doubts.  One that constantly circles around my head is: Lord why doesn't any girl I'm interested in every like me back?  Is it the way I smell?  Do I look like roadkill to them? (You don't have to answer that).  And on the doubts spectrum I'm constantly worried...hoping that I'm doing the right thing with my life. Or, is my blog actually helping people...is it reaching people?  And I'm sure that my man Darius was thinking some of the same thoughts (probably not the SAME thoughts) when he wrote the first verse to the song.

"I wish I could tell you just what I want and you'd give it to me just...like THAT."  Wow, how many of us have these wants that we call needs.  I NEED this...I need a house...I need a significant other RIGHT NOW!  Whoa my friend..you don't NEED this right now because if you NEEDED it right now you would HAVE it right now.  How do I know this, because the Bible said it and I believe it.  "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory..." But wait...it doesn't stop there does it?  The verse concludes by saying: "....by Christ Jesus."  AKA all we NEED is Jesus. (Philippians 4:19).

Mr. Brooks continues, "The truth of the matter (is that) what I want just might hurt me and you won't let me go out like that."  God doesn't want us to hurt.  And we as humans, both male and female tend to think with our emotions/impulses which change ona daily/weekly/yearly basis.  We don't have the amazing ability of infinite foresight.  So, the things that might look good in the now might just hurt you in the long run.  I mean that's a complaint that the elders have about us, the youth.  We think too much about the present...gettin that quick bread (money).  Orrr for you practical people, think about the Stock Market crash and why that happened.  Since God loves us, He doesn't give us what we want all the time.  He won't let us go out like that.

Here's the part!  "You know my end...before my beginning (with) calculated blessings...down to the penny."  The Lord says in the twenty third chapter in the last "book" of the Bible that: "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."  The author of John opens up his "book" by saying: "In the Beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  I mean it doesn't get any simpler than that!  God knows what's going to happen in the long run...He knows how much money we are going to have..down the the penny.  Not to the dollar. Not to the quarter. To the penny!  And yet we still have a constant lack of trust in Him.

But I love this chorus because it's resolved. So I'll cry until you tell me, "Let it go, let it be." Cause oh Lord, Your will is what's best for me." Praise God!  I don't even need to say anymore.  Sometimes you are soo confused...so lost..that you cry.  But its in those moments where God, the Great Comforter, is just telling you to let it go.  Why?  Because the will that He has for our life...the plan that He has for our life is what's best for us.  Not what our finite minds see in the present.

Ya know, as I'm writing this a simple phrase just keeps poppin into my head...God's got this!  

God's got this!

God's got this!

God's got this!

That's how I'm going to end this blog.  With the reassurance in my heart...in my mind that God is still in control.  God's got the final say.  Yes, I'm going to have my doubts.  Yes, I'ma have my questions.  It's all due to my human nature but guess what??

GOD'S GOT THIS!

What's Goin On (Part 1)

Soooo this is part 1 of a 4 part series of where I will take the job of a sociologist to find out what's going on between male and female interaction.  There are a lot of issues/complaints I've heard over the years from one side to the other, so now here's the chance to iron everything out.

For this part, I interviewed 14 ladies of different ethnicities and ages and I asked the vague question: "What are the top 5 things that men do that anger/frustrate you?" The vague question allowed a plethora of different answers.  The purpose is two fold: 1. To become a better man when I do get in a relationship, and secondly, to help men understand women and visa-versa in any way whatsoever.  I'm here to help!

Without further a due, I put together the five most annoying/frustrating things that we men tend to do.

The most complained issue (in at least 9 surveys) was: communication issues.  We men are notoriously bad at communicating things to our ladies.  Now this topic is a vague/overlapping issue within itself but we need to get better at expressing ourselves!  We need to be honest and upfront with women not shady and unclear (which I'm notoriously known to be).  A lot of the issue is that we are veryyyy slow to trust and very slow to make friends.  But once we have a woman we can trust, we gotta open up to them, we gotta trust them, we gotta communicate with them.  We need to understand our women.  One of the ladies I surveyed said: "...sometimes guys label us as overemotional, dramatic criers.  Which, for some of us is not even true, and other times it's just how girls know how to express themselves. It means a lot when a guy figures out how to communicate with a girl."  You see that, its just that simple step of just understanding the lady you are dealing with and how she communicates and work with her.  It's a relationship!  Give and take both ways.

The next most complained about issue is related to the first: emotionless.  Whether it's claiming to be emotionless or making our women feel like we are emotionless, this is a real issue.  We tend to hide our emotions because it's not manly to be emotional.  It's not manly to be vulnerable.  But let me tell you something men, it takes a REAL man to be vulnerable with himself and with his mate.  Our ladies want to understand us, to know what makes our hearts break and what makes us joyous. So let them! I know...I know...its extremely hard; I've been there.  But once you do, your relationship will go to a whole nother level..beyond sex. As one of the women surveyed said: "I hate when men pretend they don't have an emotional or compassionate side.  I don't see what's wrong with showing that.  I actually appreciate that.  No one (or at least I don't) need a man that doesn't have emotion."  You see!  They want a man that has emotion.  How fun would it be to take a scarecrow??

This next point really hit me hard as a man, especially as a black man, but the next point of annoyance is the fact that we are prideful.  Pride can bring out the best in us, or the worst in us.  Unfortunately it tends to bring out the latter.  Women expressed our prideful tendencies is how we are arrogant and cocky to name a few.  The bible states (somewhere) that pride comes before the fall.  When we get to the point where we feel like we don't need each other or other people, that's where the devil starts to tear apart relationships.  When it comes down to it, we do need each other.  I am a confident man sometimes, and unfortunately I can be cocky and arrogant.  That's something that is a work in progress.  There's a difference between being proud and being boastful because when it all comes down to it, it's never our doing, rather it's the Lord, who gives each of us men our talents and abilities doing.  One aspect of pride that one of the ladies stated is that we have a tendency to never admit when we are wrong.  That's a problem...let's fix it!

Fourthly, we are known to be disrespectful. Oh boy, that's a big one.  Disrespect can come in many different shapes and sizes, but when it comes down to it: disrespect is disrespect.  The media disrespects/objectifies out women enough, why do we need to aid in that!  Women are not objects that we obtain like I used to think (unknowingly).  They are human beings with a capacity to think, act, and learn.  They want to be loved and respected.  One of the biggest importance for men is that we want to be respected.  We HAVE to be respected, but let me tell you, in order to get respect you gotta give it.  One way that we disrespect them is by, "tryna get my number without asking for my name first."  Really!?  Can't ask the lady her name??  Come on men, use your God given head!

The last issue that I am going to address here that was expressed in at least six different surveys is the idea that we under-appreciate our women of God.  Just like I wrote my blog: Women are a gift from God.  We, I, need to start acting like it.  Whether its doing something as simple as putting the toilet seat down after we are done (which a couple people wrote down), or actually listening to what they are saying as opposed to just hearing.  We gotta appreciate them.  Yes, mentally portraying women falling in the toilet seat is a hilarious thought in my head (sorry I can't help it), it's still wrong.  We have a habit of trying to focus on the bigger issues instead of valuing the "smaller" things.  As one of the ladies said: "[We] seem to handle the tangible and visible things and forget other things that are just as important, but not directly in front of them."

Finally, this isn't something that was a trend, but I found a couple of women that noted that we as men have a habit of trying to fix everything!  Sometimes they need to just vent and express themselves.  It goes along with the whole "shoulder to cry on" aspect.  Women don't expect us to be superman even though it seems like they do after reading this.  They just want someone to care for them, to love and appreciate them.  Is that really to much to ask for?  Besides, women are a gift from God...let's treat them like they are: Queens of our lives.

I hope this helps men understand what women are looking for.  And I hope this assures women that at least this man is trying to become what you want him to be!  Work with me and I'll work with you!

*Next up, it's the brothas turn to vent.  What do women do that annoy/frustrate us??? This should be fun!

Spoiled Rotten

How many people have heard the term Spoiled Rotten.  Or Spoiled brat?  It is usually a name that an elder sibling gives to a younger sibling who seems to have an easier life/time that he/she had.  Maybe the younger sibling getting nicer stuff.  Maybe the younger sibling gets his or her own room.  Maybe the younger sibling gets a cell phone at a younger age.  You get the picture.  But, I'm going to make the argument that we are all, spoiled rotten brats.

Are you with me?  Ok, so this past week I was on an orientation (which was more like a retreat) to prepare for my next job which will be a Ministerial Aide if you didn't know.  It was basically a work-week long event where everyone that got a grant from the organization, MCC, went to leadership training.  There was a total of 10 of us there and we stayed in a Mansion!  Wait...it was a mansion, but it was also a Youth Hostel.  AKA all the guys (6) had one room and all the ladies (4) has another.  Here's the kicker, each room had exactly 1 outlet, beds that were as thin as toilet paper, and roofs that were ona a downward diagonal angle so head hitting was at a premium.  Throw in the fact that no one knew each other initially.  Soooo here's the scenario:  You are ina room with at least 3 other people, with only two available (two-pronged) outlets, the bed is incredibly uncomfortable.  Oh, and I didn't mention that you had to share a bathroom with any number of random people that was staying in the hostel and not all of them are exactly hygienic.

That sounds like a blast doesn't it!  Now, there are two ways to react to this scenario.  The first is what I call the: American way, which is simply complain about everything.  The second is to embrace it.  I'm not going to tell you which way I reacted but lets just say that the majority of people were Americans.  I too, am an American so I'm not knocking anyone for how they feel, but theres a slight problem with Americans that was illuminated to me: we are spoiled freaking rotten!

Since there was only two spots to charge our phones, we had to rotate our phones every night.  That provides a minor inconvenience, but how about the fact that some people...alot of people doesn't even have running electricity 24/7 like we did.  Sure our bed were egregious and some people snored, but at least we had a bed to sleep on.  The point is, we need to start appreciating the little things.  Appreciate the fact that you have a car, a bed, or even something as insignificant (to us) as electricity.

There are things that we have, that all of us has, that we take advantage on a day to day basis.  No, I'm not talking about our families (even though we do).  No, I'm not talking about our jobs (even though we complain about them 24/7).  I'm talking about God's grace.  God's grace to forgive us.  God's love towards us.

I cannot say this enough...How many people here, we offer up his/her only begotten son/daughter to die the most hirrd death, for people that doesn't deserve it.  For people that complain about every little issue, every little scratch on their arm, while when Jesus hung up on the cross (partly human), he didn't complaim (well he did say that he was thirsty [John 19:28-29], but thats nothing major).  As a matter of fact, amidst His suffer, the Icon had us on his mind when he pleaded with the Father to forgive us because we don't know what we are doing....Wow...that's true love from the Father and Jesus. (Luke 23:24)


When was the last time you told your mom that absolutley gets on your nerves (NOT MINE! :] ) that you love her?  That you appreciate her? And you GENUINELY meant it.  Mothers Day?  Come on people!  If women are a gift from God, mother's must be the winning lottery ticket from God.  Treasure, and appreciate them.  And that goes for the fathers too....and brothers, sister, uncles, aunt, friends...Let's throw enemies in there as well...  Oooo, I just made a boo-boo.  Yep, I'm serious, love your enemies and appreciate them.  Bless them that persecute them.  (That's not my saying, that's Jesus'!) (Matt 5:44)

What am I trying to say??? We are SPOILED ROTTEN!  We are blessed.  No matter how much you think you have, without Jesus you have nothing!  No matter how little you think you have, you still have more than someone else.  It can always be worse right?  Cherish your friends, your family, your God, and most importantly your car!  Tell your car that you love it...yup, I'm dead serious!  Ok, not really, but seriously.  Remember the rule: Love God, Love People.  Let's step up our game! Oh and by the way, we all survived that retreat closer than ever before to each other despite our minor inconveniences.

And now its time for me to call my parents to tell them that I love them.  Pardon me.

It's Time For A Wake Up Call

Calling all Christians!  Stand up!  Not Xtians, not christians, but Christians!  Oh you are standing?  I see you but I don't see you.  That's the problem.  We have a lot christians but no Christians.  But I mean, what does it mean to be a Christian? What does it mean to be a Christ-follower?  Does that mean I have to go to church?  Does that mean I have to be good/nice?  Sure, those things are nice, but there is an easier way to answer that: to be a Christian is to do simply one thing: to love.

I'm getting sick and tired of these "christians" out there.  If you allow me to speak bluntly, I'm tired of these people that say they are following the Lord's name, but aren't showing it.  Yes, Faith (belief) is what saves us. (Romans 5:1)  Yes, it really is that simple.  But when we believe in Jesus, when we follow him, we no longer bear our selves anymore.  We take on the name, the reputation of our Messiah.  And let me tell you, we have abused that privilege.  It is a true fact that we all have sinned.  It is a fact that we are all going to continue to sin.  But, there should be something different about you.  There should be something different about you.  How you walk, talk, not sulk (you like that?) people should see something in you.

But seriously, what does it mean to be a Christian?  It means to love.  To do everything in love.  Not lust, not anger, not spite, not hate, but love.  Why?  Because love never fails.  I'm tired of us that take advantage of the act that God did for us.  Let's go away from what he did personally in our lives.  But, have you ever stopped to think the magnitude of what the Lord did?  Wow.  God gave his only begotten son to not only die, but be crucified.  Which, at that time was the pinnacle, the worst death that could be given.  It's a slow, and agonizing public death.  And the only thing, God asked for, is for us to love.  Love God and love people. (Luke 10:25-28)

Why is that so hard?  I want to hate you.  I want you to pay for what you did to me.  What you did hurt me.  It scarred me for life!  But I can't....If I do, I lose.  I lose by hurting myself and hurting those around me.  It's easy to hate, it's incredibly difficult to love.  I'm that man in the mirror.  I'm that man that doesn't show God's grace, God's compassion in my everyday life.  I'm that christian.  And I'm sick and tired of it.

We did nothing, absolutely nothing, to deserve God's grace.  The wages (earnings) of sin (aka us) is DEATH (Romans 6:23).  Why aren't we living like we believe in that verse! When i see my brotha or sista hurting, I should not hesitate at all to help him/her.  But I do.  Because I'm selfish.  I only care about myself.  If I expend all my energy helping you, I'll have nothing left for myself.

My Christians, we need to get serious.  This is a wake-up call!  Stop taking this gift for granted.  We say we follow Christ, but do we really?  When someone trashes our reputation, do we turn the other cheek?  Are we trusting God will provide thus not envying our neighbor?

In reality, people should be able to tell you are a Christian without knowing your full name.  In reality, they don't.  Too many of us christians, are doing the exact opposite of what Jesus told us.  We are talking bad about our bosses, spreading rumors about our exes, trying to get with every pretty thing that moves on this earth with lust.   Come on people!

Yes, I do believe in the Triune God: God the Father, Son, Holy Ghost are all God.  Yes I believe that Jesus lived on this earth, was crucified, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven and is coming back again.  But people don't see what I believe.  My friends, actions do indeed speak louder than words.  In all things, I'm supposed to do in love.

One knock on Christians is that we are hypocrites.  And you know what, we absolutely are.  I am a hypocrite, I do believe that I should love all people, but I fail to do so.  I do believe that sex should be after marriage, but I personally failed to do so.  I do believe that Jesus is coming back again, but I fail to act like it.  But, the difference between me and an unbeliever is that I'm redeemed.  Yes, I fell.  I fell, I fell, and I will continue to fall, but every single time I will get back up.  I'm keeping mine eyes on the mark.  And I won't stop until I get there.  So, I'm not running away from that tag.  I am a hypocrite.  I will continue to be a hypocrite, but hopefully, over time, I will become a loving hypocrite.

With that being said:

Parents, It's time to start loving your kids.  Men it's time to start appreciating the fairer gender!  Women, its time to start loving your men!  It's time for the real Christians to stand up!  Take your spot in the world.  Let Jesus shine in your hearts.  Let the Gospel ooze from your pores.  Let the great commandment flow in your veins so that when you donate your blood, the reciever will jump up for joy because he/she felt Jesus' love in your blood! (A lil too much?  Ook)

But in all seriousness, we, Christians need to take our place in society.  We need to stand up and show the unbelievers what true love is.  No disrespect to my non-Christian readers.  But I really do believe that Jesus is the only way, truth, and life (John 14:6). So, I better live like I believe it, ya heard me!

Women...are a gift from God

There is something remarkable about women... especially Christian women.  I love ya'll!  You come in all shapes, sizes, personalities, shades, hair color and you are all distinct in your own way.  And it is my definite belief that there is a special someone out there for every single one of you.  Now if you look back at my previous post: Singleness is a Gift From God, you will see my view on singleness and how it is indeed a good thing.  However, I believe wholeheartedly in the creation story and when, in Genesis 2:18, God said, "it is not good for man to be alone."  We are relational beings.  We need to be around people that love and care for us.

Especially men.  Men...(especially but not limited to)black men are some of the most prideful beings you will ever meet (generally speaking of course).  We want to be supporters for our women, protectors, and providers, and when we aren't able to support them, it tears us apart inside.  It's like we lost part of our manliness.  One of the major problems with pride is that it makes us delicate.  I guarantee to you, the more prideful the man is, the more he hurts when he feels like he lost some of his manliness.  The bigger the pride, the harder they fall.  Now I'm a believer that God knew what he was doing when he created us, so naturally, he made out significant others compliment us.  For the most part, opposites attract.

Thankfully, with all these prideful men going around, God made the woman...the strong woman.  Women, you are stronger than you ever imagined.  Just the natural pains you go through monthly, the pain of waking up in the morning and spending a long time with your body, the pain of how you dress sometimes killing your feet.  I have nothing but PROFOUND respect for women.  I don't know how you handle childbirth...I can't imagine doing that!  AND on top of that, you deal with us men.  Us prideful men that, to be completely honest can act like babies quite easily.  Sometimes our significant other end up becoming more like our mothers (which is a hugeeee issue by the way) and our wives/girlfriends at the same time! Amazing!  For me a woman is the only being, capable of making me go to my knee to ask a question.  To put it simple, women: you are our weakness.

It's no wonder why the number of womanizers compared to the manizers is disproportionate.  We want ya'll...we NEED ya'll.  Don't lose faith in us.  When you have a man that is proving to you that he's trying to become a better man, whether its "of God" or not, try to stay a little longer.  The importance is that the man feels like its worth it...that you are worth it.  Never forget that!

But to my brothas, I need to be real with you.  We need to step up. Pride comes before the fall remember? (Proverbs 16:18)  We need to be willing to stop feeling like we need to be Superman.  It's ok to be Clark Kent!  No one will look down on you for making less money than your woman.  No one will look down on you unless you let them.  Love your woman, love your mate, love your best friend.  If you are in a serious relationship and you trust your lady, don't keep shutting her out. (Ohhh boy do I need to hear that!)  Be open and honest with her.  The amazing thing is that women have this power..this switch in their brain, where they automatically become Super-Woman...but also they, can become Miss. Delicate, Compassionate.  AND DON'T...I MEAN DONT, take advantage of her.  Whether that means cheating on her, abusing her, whatever-ing her.  This is God's daughter...God's princess...treat her like it!

I didn't forget you my queens.  You need to stay by your man!  Encourage him.  Even when times get rough.  If you love him, and care about him, and he's trying..stay with him.  Stay with him until you feel like you can't stay with him any longer...and then stay with him.  I told you, we are delicate beings.   We don't like being told we were wrong, but we need to be told.  Choose your moments to be delicate and choose your moments to be strong and pushy (not in the bad way).  You'd be surprised how much your words mean to us.

I'm just a young, Christian, black man that just got out of college giving my point of view.  I love...looooveeee.....looooooooooove women.  You are just sooo interesting!

Now a couple of disclaimers:

• I am writing from a heterosexual man's perspective since I am a heterosexual man.  Therefore, I will be focusing on a man-woman relationship because that's where my "expertise" is in.  I am by no means homophobic, I'd just rather not try to talk about something I don't really know.
• I am generally speaking in this blog.  There are exceptions to every rule where, say the man is the Strong/Delicate one and the woman is the prideful one.  In that case, just reverse everything; where I said man put woman and visa-versa.

It Has Changed My Life!

Narcissism.  That one word has been the ruler of my life, unbeknownst to me.  Yes, I loved to help people, but only if it helped me in someway.  Whether it would keep them out of my head...it was all about me, me, me.

Then I came to Messiah College and became a history major (who would've ever thunk?) where I can honestly say that mine life has changed and my eyes have been opened.

History, if the one secular study that is unselfish.  It forces the reader, the 'interacter', the historian to get out of his or her shoes and enter into someone (whom is usually dead) else's'.  It is an amazing practice that everyone, but especially Christian need to focus on.  It's not about me.  It's about you.  It's about them.  Being a history major has taught me to empathize with people. To challenge myself to put away judgements and ill misconceptions.  To just look at the person and to love them.  All we need is love right? I mean that's all people are looking for, to meet someone that won't judge them, but to care for and about them.

Besides, Jesus' greatest commandment was a two part ordeal.  Part A: Love God.  Part B: Love people.  You can't love God and not love people since in the beginning God created us in his (or is you believe God is a female, her) image.

Reading a document that was written well before my time is an exciting ordeal!  I can to read someone else's thoughts! A psych major's dream!  INterpret their words, bring past events to life!  But all that has to be preceded by understanding what they went through, their context.

I want to thank the Lord for placing me at Messiah College.  But most importantly, putting me in the midst of wonderful and caring professors in the History Department.  There are no words that I can say that will express the deep gratitude I have for you.  To them, I pray that they continue to inspire students.  Coming into my freshman year, if you would've told me that I would've been transformed in mind, body (yes body) and soul by the HISTORY department, I would've called you a liar!

To everyone that is/was a history major.  I hope you have/will have similar stories to mine.  I hope that you are able to gather the great virtues that this discipline gives: empathy, caring, understanding, compassion, listening, and most importantly: love.

To everyone else...What are you waiting for!  Sign up and get yo history degree!  Just kidding (kinda).  I hope you find the joy in whatever you do.  The Kingdom has a place for every single one of you and your abilities.  Don't let them go to waste.  If God can use a terrorist like Paul, a murderer like Moses, and a adulter like David, he sure can use me and you!

Just as the body, though one, has many parts, but all it's parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ~ Romans 12:12

Complacency

Complacency.  What are the words that comes to mind when that word is uttered?  Is it being comfortable? Or maybe its being predictable.

Brother and Sisters, complacency is one of the worst things that can happen to us as Christians.  We should never feel comfortable.  Something should always be bothering us.  There's a world going to Hell in a handbasket and we are the only ones that can stop it.  And what are we doing, just talking about it.  What am I doing? Just talking about it.

Here me out, I'm not trying to be an "Evangelical" but I think we are all called to be evangelicals in some sense.  It's our job, our duty, as followers of Christ to allow God's love and grace to permeate through our lives.    Ooh grace.  Grace is such an amazing thing because unlike any other thing, it has a rider: undeserved.  We did nothing to earn God's s grace, the Lord gave it to us.  He gave it to us by doing the one thing that I'm almost positively sure no man or woman in their right mind would every willing do: he gave his ONLY begotten son to die.  Not just any death, but death on the cross.

And what do we do?  Get comfortable in our situations, our lifestyles and get into a cycle.  Cycles are very dangerous because its in our comfort zones that the enemy loves to hide...and lurk.  It's those times were we are on cloud nine, when all of a sudden something ridiculous happens and it knocks us off our pedestal.  And if you don't believe me ask around.  I know that there are some witnesses out there!

We are at a constant war.  Unfortunately this war is never going to end until the Son comes back and creates a new heaven and earth.  With that being said, the last thing we need to do is get comfortable.  Literally our hearts should ache everyday if we really want a heart like God.

I don't mean to be a debbie downer, but I was just listening to Matthew West's The Motions (if you've never heard it just youtube it, it's worth your time!) and I felt bad...like reallly reallly bad.  What would happen to the world if we didn't just go through the motions of being a Christian and actually lived it out? I mean, what really is a Christian?  What does it look like? (That's for another day!)  What would happen if we gave EVERYTHING. My..my...my...it would be an amazing thing.

I am going to be the first to admit that it's hard.  It's hard living, and even more, the pressure of being a Christian is ridiculous!  But somebody has to do it...why not you...why not me.  Whatever to the gung-ho Christian...the Christian that, when asked the question: "Whom shall I send?  Who will go for us." He or she replies: "Here I am. Send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)

That's something we all need to work on.  I challenge myself to break beyond the barriers of complacency.  I don't want to give the devil ANY place to rest in my soul, in my heart.  Cuz I know what can and will happen if that takes place.  Complacency. It just sounds sooo calm and good. But is it really good??