What do I deserve? I recently caught myself, like I always do, complaining. Complaining about my life complaining about my mind even complaining about other peoples' lives (crazy I know!) but then I just stopped myself. Why? Because a thought came to my head that made me realize: WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN? I do understand that it is the "Christian Thang" to complain but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do my best complaining.
This month there has been a plethora of changes in my life; positive changes in my life but for some reason I find that thing to complain about. Why? It is because I ine'vitably ungrateful. I'm reminded of the Deitrick Haddon Song simply titled: "Ungrateful" where the bridge says:
Lord forgive me..., I'm sorry...so ungrateful/When I Should Be Thankful/Please Forgive me..Lord I'm sorry/I Should be thankful, but look at me/I'm so ungrateful after all that You've done..
And that right there makes me ponder the idea, what do I deserve? Why do I feel like I'm entitled to anything. Anything that I have whether it is material, relational, or spiritual is a GIFT from the Lord. Why can't I get it across my thick skull and stop complaining? As a believer its frustrating to complain about little things. Ok, you don't like me like I like you, so, I have to get over it. Ok, I didn't get the gift I wanted, I have to get over it. Ok, I didn't get the grade I wanted because I didn't work as hard as I could've (because you can always work harder), well, I have to get over it & then work harder next time. Ok, I don't the singing voice I want, I have to get over it & make it work for me. Dear Michael, stop being ungrateful.
The high positions I have is nothing but a blessing from God and I even catch myself complaining about that. Are you kidding me? I don't DESERVE to be the director of two choirs! I thank God every day that he gives me the opportunity to bless others and that those that follow me...follow me. Paul said that for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. There hasn't been a more true statement in my opinion. I am no better than anyone else out there. Why do I get mad when I didn't get the promotion I feel like I deserved. Or why do I get mad when I didn't get the girl I felt like I deserved. Why do I get mad when I didn't get the recognition I felt like I deserved. Or get mad because I can't hit the tenor note all the time because I deserve to do it. I can keep going, it is ridiculous when I type it out. Truth be told the only thing I deserve is to go to Hell. But by the grace of God, sending his ONLY begotten son Jesus the Christ am I not destined for that eternal pit.
You know, for the first time I'm being completely honest. All these things are things I've personally struggled with. I'm sure I'm missing some of the other things I'm missing which is fine. But if you are reading this, just remember to Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 107:1).
