God Is Good!

I'm going to try something here that I don't know whether it's going to work or not.  I'm going to post the 3 reasons that I love Jesus.

And I want to see how many different responses we can get.  So for any of my readers, I invite you to comment on the bottom of this posting and post your reasons you love Jesus.

Despite the fact that this might be a dark and rainy time in your life there are still sooo many things to be happy about.  Sometimes we need to force ourselves to look at the positives when our life for the moment is filled with gloom.

I would like for anyone that is reading this blog that might feel down to be able to view this post and look at how mich people have been blessed and have no choice but to put a smile on their face!  Awwww man that would make my day!

1. I am just thankful that He gave me a life to live.  A life where I have the freedom to make mistakes, have failures, and learn from them.  Because I know personally, if I was forced to follow Him, I definitely wouldn't have.  So I'm just in love with his ability to love an imperfect being like myself.

2. This man, lived a sinless life, went up on the cross for me....for everyone, died a humiliting and excruitiang death.  I mean come on.  That should speak for itself.  Took on the depths of Hell.  Wow.  He deserves all my praise.  He deserves all my love.  Thank you Jesus for dying, coming back to life, ascending to heaven, and coming back.

3. He's the ultimate Comforter.  He's there when I always need him.  When my close friends are miles away or are just busy with their lives and I need someone to talk to, I always have him.  He's omnipresent.  Everywhere at all times.  24/7 365/yr.  When I don't feel the best about my appearance, dealing with self-esteem issues, uncertain about life, or just angry.  I know that I can go to God in prayer and I will be comforted

I know this is a weird blog with no guarantee to work, but lets give it a try!  It doesn't have to be 3 reasons like me.  It can just be one!  Lets be a blessing to others!  

Love God.Love People

--MJA

I'll Make It

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not as all chippy as sometimes my blogs may portray me as.  Currently, I am a college graduate, unemployed and stuck in my parents house which is driving me absolutely INSANE (no offense to my parents).  It doesn't help that I look around and see successful preachers and I keep asking myself, How can I ever be that successful   These men of God have PH'Ds, leading choirs, singing while they are preaching, like MAN. How in the world would I EVER be able to do that.  Next thing I know, in the middle of a revival service, I'm just down....the complete opposite of a revival service.

One of my greatest issues/weaknesses is the need-to-be-needed.  The need to feel important.  The past four years I was part of a family, my UVP family (Messiah College's Gospel Choir) and for the last 3 years I was a selected leader part of that family as well as the choir director of my church choir.  However, that season has passed in my life, and I find myself just doing nothing.  No job, no life, no money. Just blah.  I feel like I went from the pinnacle of Mount Klakilaki (My made up mountain..don't judge me) to now the bottom of the grand canyon.  And no matter how much I try to climb through those walls to get into leveled territory I keep slipping.

The more I think about my future, the more I become nervous and become stressed out.  Will I ever direct a choir again?  Will I actually ever preach again in my life.  The foreseeable future is uncertain about that and that drives...me....BONKER$!!!

Where in the World Do I go from here?  Sometimes when I blog about struggles, I write that "I heard a still small voice telling me that it'll be alright" but to be honest.  I'm not hearing that right now.  Where I am right now, is I'm at a place in my life where I need to be.  I am in a place in my life where I need to be fully dependent of God.  Somehow I'm still able to pay my car note because money is literally coming out of nowhere.  Somehow I can be down in the dumps for the entire day, but out of nowhere something happens to lift me up.  Sometimes I feel abandoned by God, and I, like the great psalmist David cries out: Where are you Lord? Why aren't you listening to my prayers?  You know my needs, why aren't you supplying them?  Why am I still in this place in my life?? (An example of David crying out can be found at Psalm 22)

It's frustrating.  It's very frustrating.  But after going to revival I actually feel a little better.  After hearing the preacher preach, I do feel a little encouraged   Hopefully I can pass this along to one of my readers.  The preacher preached from Isaiah 43:2 & 5.  And the part that really spoke to me is the end of verse 2, where it says: "When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."  The preacher pointed 2 points of emphasis   The fact that the passage says "when" and the fact that the passage says "through".

When you walk.  When you walk.  Not IF you walk through the fire. I mean think about it.  We will walk into the fire.  We will struggle.  We will be down.  So we need to prepare for it. We need to put on the full armor of God.  The myth that followers of Jesus won't struggle is asinine!  God does NOT taking away all of our sufferings   Sometimes, we need to suffer in order to become new.  A caterpillar doesn't become a butterfly with a snap of finger.  It has to eat, get fat, and stay ina tight, annoying cocoon until nature (erm...God) tells it that it's ready. Struggle isn't always bad.

The second point is through.  The fact that the passage says that you will walk THROUGH the fire.  You aren't going to get scorched   You will not become set ablaze.  Wow.  That's encouraging.  That though we will have to walk through the fire, we will survive.  We will make it like the Hezekiah Walker song.

Even though I get annoyed with myself.  Even though at times I feel like God has abandoned me.  Even though I don't know the future.  I know that I will make it.  I know that I know that I can Stand.  No matter what may come my way.  My life is in YOUR hands. (My Life Is In Your Hands) Mannnnn....I'm encouraged!  I'm being completely honest with ya'll, at the start of this blog, I was down.  But the more I wrote, the better I was feeling.  So, this blog in general isn't just to encourage you the readers, it also helps me express myself and answer my own questions.  So, I thank you for reading.  I pray that you've been encouraged as I have been.

God Bless You All!
--MJA

Created and Called for....Friends

I honestly can't believe I'm writing this, but this blog kinda is an advocate for my Created and Called for Community Class (CCC) at Messiah College.  Lets be clear, the class within itself, I am not necessarily advocating for, however, I am advocating for it's literal message.  We, as human beings, are indeed Created & Called For Community.

Whether you believe that the story of Adam and Eve was a literal or figurative story isn't a debate I'm trying to have here.  But, if you just take the lessons and what God said throughout the story, you would notice that God made Adam first (sorry ladies but don't worry, thats not the main point).  However, Adam was alone with all these animals and fruits and plants and cells and gooey stuffs (maybe?) when God realized that maybeeee something is missing.  Maybe, just maybe, man should not be alone. (Genesis 2:18)  In fact, it is not good for (man) [or people] to be alone.  So, he made Eve!  What does this tell me?  That we are created and called for community.  We are created and called to be around other people.  We are created and called to laugh with other people. It's part of necessary structure to stay alive.

I'm going to be honest here, this is a pretty simple blog to write, and basically anyone could've written this.  But for me, this is a personal blog post.  This is a blog post where I am thanking my multitude of diverse friends far and near for accepting me into their community and becoming part of mine.  I've been extremely blessed to have all types of friends; all different shapes, sizes, races, and genders.  And the amazing thing is that I know that although we might not always agree on everything, that when it comes down to it, they have my back.  And I wanna say thank you to them, for loving, cherishing, and just being there for me.

Awwww, wasn't that sweet...Ok, now back to business.

I personally think that it's important for everyone to have a set group of friends.  Now obviously, there are going to be friends that you "like" more than others.  There are friends that you will just naturally wanna be around with more than others (Unless you are me because I AM the exception to the rule...just kidding).  And that's great and peachy.  So, you may be like me where you have Childhood friends, Grade School Friends, Freshman of College Friends and other College friends.  And if you have those I pray that you continue to cherish them.  I pray that you continue to love them.  Friends, are just amazing.

But, what I've learned is that there is one sub-sub-sub category of friends, that just seemingly transcends months, years, and decades.  I'm talking about Spiritual Friends.  Friends that you have a spiritual connection with.  Friends or a friend that, every time you hang out, you just become closer and closer.  You can't seem to put your finger on it, but somehow it just happened.  Those friends in my opinion are the rarest to find and if you happen to find one, consider yourself extremely blessed.

The Biblical example of probably the greatest spiritual friendship is between the (apparent) heir to the throne, Jonathan and the actual heir to the throne David.  Now check this out, these two fellas were actually competing for the same exact throne!  Jonathan was the son of the current King Saul but David was the king God had foresaw.  Now lets be clear, Jonathan was a baddddd man.  He slew people by the dozens but he came across a thing that he couldn't even defeat.  Goliath.  And David was just a little shaped   My man Jon, the warrior, wasn't able to kil goliath.  But my boy David, was able to with a rock and a slight shot!  What!?

Now, David didn't really care about the glory.  But when he gave the head of the giant Goliath (see what I did there? Double G...ima stupid) to Saul, it was all a wrap.  And you know what Jonathan did? He could've been jealous that he lost his throne, but he wasn't.  He was happy for David.  And it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  A friendship where they had love, connection, vulnerability  loyalty, and prayer.  What more can you ask for ina friend! (For more info on this connect check out 1 Samuel 18-21-ish)

I am not trying to bash any friends here cuz I appreciate every single one of mine and I'm sure you do of yours, but when you find that spiritual friend do not...I repeat: do NOT let him or her go!  It's a great friend to have.  It's a great person to rely on...Now I'm personally not going to say who my Spiritual Friend is because this is a public thingy, and I don't wanna put alllll my life out there.  But he knows who he is, and he needs to know that I thank the Lord for his friendship and his prayers.

Welp, that's all I have for this post.  Do me a favor.  Send a text, facebook, phone call, tweet, airplane, shout over to your friends.  Let them know that you appreciate them all!  That's what I'm going to do! Until next time my brothers and sisters.

--MJA

Truth Is I'm Tired

I know that I said I wasn't going to blog for a while, but this has entered into my heart like a fire.  Like a raging, rushing river.  I'm just disgusted.  Epically Disgusted at what I've seen.  What I've read.  What I've heard.  We...are killing each other.  We are drawing people away from the Truth.

If I was to sum my Christian beliefs in a 4 Point Sermon, I would say:

1. Jesus Lived

2. Jesus Died

3. Jesus Rose

4. He's Coming

Am I missing anything?  Did I omit anything?  Where's my talk about the hatred of homosexuals?  Where is my debate about Abortion?  Where's my controversial decision to pray in schools?  Oh wait, that's not there.  You know why?  Because when it alll comes down to it, those ideas aren't that important.  The important things in my life all circle around those 4 ideals.

Firstly, I believe that Jesus lived on this earth.  He was the living example of how all humans should be, both male and female.  He was perfect in all ways, never sinning.  And you know what is the most important thing that he taught in his ministry?  To LOVE.  Jesus ate and drank with prostitutes and tax collectors (whom at that time were perceived as some of the most vile people).  He reprimanded the "religious" because they held all God's statutes but forgot about God's creation.  They didn't love each other or the others.

Secondly, I believe that Jesus Died on the Cross.  He died on the cross Just for me.  But wait, it wasn't just for me.  He died on the cross for everyone.  The Jew and the Gentile.  The Greek and the Hebrew. The Westerner and the Easterner.  The believer and the non-believer.  I know I've said this before, but Jesus died the worst death possible for the time he lived, crucifixion   And He did it when everyone deserted him, mocked him, and forsake him.  But he still Loved everyone!  When the robber on the side of him proclaimed him to be the Son of God he told him that the robber would go to heaven.  While he was up there giving his life, he thought of me...he thought of us.

Thirdly, I believe that Jesus Rose from the grave.  Why did He rise?  So that all those people that mocked him, would see who He really was.  He rose so that the unbeliever would believe.  I picture it as Jesus telling everyone, "I'm not dead!  Wake Up! I'm right in front of your face!"  He also rose again to combat the devil.  To tell the devil that this isn't your kingdom.  It's mine!  You think you can kill my savior?  You don't have any chance!

Most importantly, I believe that he is coming back!  It is my motivation to do what I do.  To say what I say.  No one knows when that day comes, but it is coming ya'll.

So what am I angry about?  I am angry that the "believers" aren't acting like it.  We seemingly don't have the urgency that we should.  Keep in mind that I am saying the "we believers" in a general tone because if one of us is failing, it looks bad on all of us!  We are too busy occupying ourselves with the politics of the body, politics of the mind.  We are killing ourselves....we are killing everyone.  I'm not even talking about a Physical death.  I'm talking about a spiritual death.

For me, you will never see me get into a heated debate about the "controversial" topics.  I personally am against abortion except in extreme cases.  I do believe that homosexuality is a sin.  It is a sin along with drukenness, audultry, gluttony and a host of other things.  When it comes down to it, I honestly don't care about the "controversial" topics. If I met a woman who had an abortion or a person that is attracted to the same-sex I wouldn't care.  I'm not going to turn away and judge somebody for their past.  I'm going to do what I'm commanded to do.  To love them.  To show them Christ's love through mine actions, through my words.

Wake up people!  We are driving generations (especially mine) from the Church in astronomical numbers.  I read in a recent book that ina a recent survey, 91% of young adults who are nonbelievers call christians judgmental.  Whoa.  Aren't we the ones that believe in Jesus.  And isn't Jesus the one that said on numerous occasions that He didn't come to condemn the world?  Why are we going around condemning everyone?  Why are we going around judging everyone?  What's up with dat! (For more information check out my pervious blog post "No Condemnation"

It's hard for me to find a church family as a believer because I go in alot of places and I feel a disconnect.  And it's not necessarily from the congregation, but it's also some times from the pastoral staff!  We are called to spread the Gospel.  To shed light on the world. Ahhhhhhh!!!

No more!  No more of it!  No more woman being turned away from the church because you found out she had an abortion.  No more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender men and women being turned away from the hospital because you feel like their sin is too great.  REALITY CHECK!  ALL sin kills.  The wages of sin is death people. As Pastor Woody said: "STOP ALL THIS HATIN'" Chill with the judgin and start focusing on the lovin'.  In theory, for the Christians, the Word should've changed you life.  Well......act like it! GAH!

We are in a war people.  The Devil is trying to tell everyone that us CHristians are judemental.  That we hate homosexuals.  That we are overly political.  But let me tell you that the devil is a LIAR!  Let's act like it!

Love

Love

Love

I Understand (Answers)

This post is part two from my previous post titled "I See You."  I would advise you to open two tabs and read each story simultaneously to  understand because this post is going to be the "answer" to the stories. The response that God says.  The response that the Bible tells us.  In the long run, my prayer is that someone is reading this that is going through a situation and one of these responses make them feel at least a little better...thats my prayer...

A.
     My son, why have you done this to your life?  Are you looking for something more?  Are you looking for answers?  I want you to realize that I'm hear.  I've been hear all along.  I've watched you tear your life apart. But I've also watched you succeed.  I've watched Satan just trample over your life, but I never let go of you.  I am what you need.  Humans are consistently looking for something...something greater than themselves when in reality, it's right in front of their face.  Look around..look at the sun, the stars (unless you are ina city), the cars...Just look at it.  I just need you to trust me.  Trust that I'm there for you.  Here's the thing, I won't make you trust me just like I'm not going to make you stop drinking.
     Realize my son, that you have people praying for you.  You mother, your father...everyone!  They love you to death...they just don't want you to see you hurt yourself.  You just have to honestly, believe in your heart you can beat this because you can.  I've made you stronger than any addiction!  I'm not promising that you will quit cold turkey cuz everybody can't. However, I can assure you, you are starting at the right spot: calling out to me for help.  I hear your call, and I will happily respond.  You just have to believe!

B.
     My daughter, no woman should have to go through what you went through.  No woman deserves it.  What your father did tore you down, down to the ground.  But let me pick you back up.

The problem that humanity has is that too often they define fatherhood and then place God in their definition.  They place God ina humanly context.  But it should definitely be the other way around.  God is the Great I Am.  He defines the perfect parent (mother and father). He's ever present, loving, caring, wise...etc. So we as humans err big time when we place God in that box.  

     I can promise you that I am greater than your father.  I can promise you that I will never hurt your like your father.  I sent my only begotten son to die for you.  If I did that, why would I ever want anything else to happen to you? I love you. One thing you have to do, is you have to forgive...you have to forgive your father for what he did.  You want to know why?  Because it wasn't his doing.  Humans by nature do wrong, they miss they mark, you miss the mark on a daily basis.  PLease don't hold his sinful nature against him. (Romans 3:23)  Don't forgive him for his sake, you have to forgive him for your sake.  Can't let that woud fester.  Once you forgive him...the devil won't have that lock over your heart...that spot over your heart, you'll be able to trust again.
     Forgiveness is the healing to those wounds. (You've Got To Forgive..my sermon)  Just remember this promise: I will love you and hold you better than any father...better than any mother..you just have to let me...

C.
     My little girl what has you troubled so much? When I look down on you and see what you've become I can do nothing but smile.  You've made your mistakes, you feel like you've made the biggest mistakes ever but trust me you havent.  You may feel alone, you may feel like no one understands but you are mistaken.  Veryyy mistaken.  I am here!  I'm want you.  I love you!  You ask me about my grace and my love.  Let me tell you this, My grace is made sufficient for you, my power is perfected in your weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)  Often times I let my children his rock bottom, let them follow their own paths, fall at their own feet. But I never leave them there.  I'm right there to pick them up.  It's at those moments that they realize that I'm there, that I was always there.
     You may think your family doesn't care, that's not true.  You may think that they abandoned you.  But thats not true.  Many of the situations they just don't know what to do.  So they just do what they think is the best...that doesn't always feel like what they did is the best for you.  But just remember that their love probably didn't just evaporate...they want to love you..they just don't know how to.  Help them understand your pain...pray for them.   I do not condemn you.  I accept you scars, tears, and all.  Let me love you little girl...let me love YOU.

D.
My son, my son, my son.  Fathers leaving their kids is an egregious act of selfishness.  You might relate to my son Jesus who exclaimed out while he was being crucified: "My God my God, why have you forsaken me." (Matt 27:46)  I mean, I left him there to die on the cross.  Just for sinful humans.  I mean that was naive.  I'm sure that there aren't many human would do that, but I'm God.  Look at what I said to the abused daughter.  Please don't define me by humanly standards.  Think about what you look for in a father and multiply that by a thousand and that still isn't enough to express what I can be to you.
     You want confirmation?  How about the greatest confirmation...How about when your time on this life is done when I will tell you "Well done"  Well done my son. (Matt. 25:21)  You just have to trust me.  I know it's kinda hard to believe..just give me a try.  If it helps envision me as a mother.  I'm everywhere you want me to be and I'm everything you need me to be.  Real Rap.

E.
     You are a little different  You are in a different situation.  You want to help others.  You are the one praying for your mom.  It seems that your brother's untimely death just blind sided your mom.  She's afraid to lose you.  She drinks because she doesn't know what else to do.. She doesn't know how to grieve.  But my daughter, I'm right there walking along side of her.  You've come to the right place!      
    You've turned to the right direction.  Something like this however, she won't be able to fix herself.  She's going to need help.  She's going to have to accept her issues...her problems.  But for you, you have to grow up.  You have to experience life.  No parent initially wants to see their child leave the house in reality.  It's a scary thing, but eventually she'll manage.  It's like weening an infant from a bottle.  The difference is that you are still around.  You are only a Skype call away.  That's the beauty of it.  She probably won't want you to leave right away, but sometimes you have to take the initiative and go out on a limb and trust God to take care of her as well as yourself.  I have your back!  Just trust me.

So that's the end of this series.  If you have any questions or comments feel free to comment on it.  This post is just trying to help someone...anyone.   The most important thing we need to do brothers and sisters is pray for our family members that are hurting.  Because, the prayers from righteous people works! (James 5:16)

God Bless All My readers.

I See You (The Stories)

A.
I see you....young man.  You've come from a pretty privileged lifestyle.  You've never experienced a truly rough moment in your life financially.  You've now grown up and have your own job, your own life, your own career...your own money.  Life is good.  You somehow thought that money would make you happy.  I mean it seemingly made your parents happy all their lives right?  But for you, you was looking for something more...You have even more money than you can spend.  But you need something more.  So you turn to alcohol...then drugs.  Eventually you find yourself so caught up in a cycle of addiction that you start getting angry. Angry at God for allowing this to happen.  "God, if you make me stop drinking I promise I'll serve you forever."  But it hasn't happened...Why hasn't it happened.

B.
I see you woman.  Your dad abused you when you was younger.  Not only did he abuse you sexually, but verbally and physically as well.  Before high school he could be described as an absentee but present father.  He was working all the time.  Never reaching out to talk to you, to teach you about his love.  Never to appreciate you.  But now little girl has all grown up into her high school body, and now he's no longer an absentee but present father.  He's an always present, always thirsty man.  A man of authority in your life that made you do horrendous things.  Things that you'll never forget forever.  It haunts you that you can still remember these things.  "Why did this happen to me!"  You fall in a cycle of clinical depression that drives you up the walls.  You have a hard time trusting any man in your life so why would you trust God the Father...why?? What hope is out there...

C.
I see you...Scared little girl, that's entering this big scary world.  With no direction.  With no hope. With no support.  I mean there is direction and hope but you don't see it.  You have loving parents.  You have a family that has done everything to prove their love to you in the past.  But now you've grown up.  Made some mistakes you regret, and now you have to live with them.  You feel like everyone has turned their back on you.  Those close to you act like they still love you, but do they really?  Do they really care about you?  Cuz if they did, they wouldn't have abandoned you at your weakest hour...at your weakest moment.  Then you turn to God, and you question Him...."How could you let this happen.  I've heard stories about your love and your grace but how could you let this happen to me!"....So you continue through life....

D.
I see you bro.  All your life you wanted to have confirmation.  Confirmation that what you was doing was the right thing.  Confirmation that you was good at sports.  Alll you wanted to hear was the man in your life say: "good job son."  But you never heard it....And you grew up hating your dad for it.  You didn't grow up with a father...you had a mom.  And sure, your mom tried, God bless her soul she tried and did an excellent job filling that void...but it just wasn't enough.  You go through your life angry at the world.  Angry at everything.  You've learned to turn that anger into productivity, but that anger still resides in you.  You reach out to other "Father" figures, but its not the same.  And now you here a preacher to tell you to call God your Father.  Are you kidding me???  Trust God, whom you've never met before.  Nah man, you trippin....

E.
I finally see you girl.  You grew up with a single parent.  And for he most part you are fine with it.  But there's a kicker to it.  Your mom is an alcoholic and extremely possessive.  There were two of you, but your bother died when you was younger and ever since then, she hasn't been the same.  She doesn't want you to go off to college.  She doesn't want you to grow up and leave her.  She's afraid of losing you...afraid of being alone.  So she guilts you into staying.  She makes you stay.  But you know that you have to get out.  You have to leave.  You've been out of college for a while and you see your friends moving on in life.  Jesus, why won't you just cure her of her loneliness and help her let me go.  It drives me crazy with her mood swings due to the alcohol.  I can't keep living like this!  I'm calling on you to help my mom.  Will you help her...please???? I pray for all the time.

These are just the stories that you may or may not be able to relate to.  I don't expect anyone to relate to any of these stories 100% but I expect most people to relate to some aspect of the stores.  This blog is about what I see, through my humanly, finite eyes.  The next blog post is going to be my attempt to describe what God sees and how God wants to help.

Football Injuries

I'm afraid.  I'm can't front.  I'm scared to death.  I can't be on of those people, one of those people on stage, one of those people writing blogs, one of those people that just seem to have all the answers.  That seems to coast in life.  That has that strong shoulder to lean on.  Sometimes, I gotta get vulnerable. Sometimes I just..gotta be honest.

My future...what's going through my head can be summed up in one word: Doubt.  In football, when a player gets injured the team is required to post their injury and their status for the upcoming game.  There are four choices the coaches have: Probable,  Questionable, Doubtful, or Out.  The Probable status is understood to opposing players/coaches as to say that the player has a 75% chance of playing.  For each category, the chance of the player goes down 25% (Questionable = 50%; Doubtful = 25%, Out = 0%).  Basically, if you are a couch, and a player has anything under a probable....maybe a questionable, you assume that they aren't going to play.

Why am I bringing up football injury talk.  Well that's bascially how my brain has been envisioning my future since November.  In November I was sure...ABSOLUTELY sure thatt I was going to go to Law School, pass the Bar and become a lawyer.  But once December came in and I had my little tête-à-tête with Abba, my confidence in my future became a probable.  I knew that I now wanted to be a Pastor, I didn't necessarily know any of the critical details, but I knew what I wanted to be in the long run...a Minister of the Gospel.

Then came the Spring Semester of my Senior Year at college.  Mine eyes were illuminated to more than one thing but with that illumination came more messyness.  I started to learn more about the "profession" that I was gonna embark on.  The training I would need...The struggles of those in said "profession."  The questions...the uncertainty about being in the ministry because lets be real, what are the chances of me being the next Pastor Woody Dalton let alone the next Bishop TD Jakes...not veryyy high.  So I had to think of a way to make money...Enter PARALEGAL.  But that made my situation even more messy cuz now I had to get even more training.  So, I went from going to school for 3 years, getting my JD (Law Degree) and working on being a lawyer, to getting my Paralegal Certification & Master's of Divinity.  Yeah....the success of my future had now moved to the Questionable Phase.

Now, I've finished the summer (basically).  Finished with my internship at Harrisburg BIC Church (which I highly recommend for those in the area).  Came out with soo much more knowledge about Pastoring and what it really means to be in the Ministry.  Had a plan to take a Semester off and go to Seminary (PBU possibly) in the Spring and just chill in the fall/winter.  Welllll lets just say unforseeable, but great, circumstances have slightly altered my plans....DOubt.

And here I am, in High School my stress outlet was competitive Golf.  In college my stress outlet was choir, more specifically Directing Choirs.  And now I have lost all of it.  I feel like a college graduate...a college graduate that lives with his parents...A college graduate without a job....A college graduate that quickly loses money because of debt....A colllege graduate that can no longer express himself...A college graduate that has lost his stress reliever...A college graduate that feels like a bum.

At moments like these, I can't help but to doubt.  To question.  To think about whether their really is a plan for my life. Am I just aimlessly wandering around this life wasting each day changing plans...What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm reading all the "good" books, I'm talking all the "good" talks.  But I'm still wandering...I mean reallly God!  You said you have my back!  You said that you have a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) ...But I see all my friends being successful.  Having jobs lined up.  Having lives.  Having money.  Moving away from their parental units homes (no offense to my house).  And here I am...doing nothing!  I am worthless.  Unworthy of the gifts you gave me.  I'm just wasting them! AJDNMFHSM,MD!

But it's at that moment...The moment that I had shut down my computer at 1 AM on Sept. 4, 2012, that I heard a still small voice in my ear saying: "I got this." My God!  I'd just gotten finished reading about when Jacob wrestled with God and told Him: "I will not let go until you bless me." (Genesis 32:26)  And at that point, God blessed him.  I'm reminded that God comes in right at the right time.  That realization was sooo amazing that I had to Boot up my comp again and just blog about it.  Honestly, I don't know how many people are going to read this, but I'm encouraged!

Don't get me wrong my peoples, I still have doubts.  To be completely honest, my life is still in the Doubtful status.  The nights are still going to come, but in the morning, I'll be ok.  Why?  Because I know that it'll never reach the Out status until my life on this earth is done.  I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to Press toward that Mark.  Ima keep trugging (Yes, I just made up that word.) forward.  Trusting God.  Knowing that I got put in these weird situations.  But I am embracing these situations.  Besides it isn't all bad, I got a family that supports me, AND I have a lady in my life that has my back.

That plus God over all of them being my North Star.  I'm golden!