I'll Make It

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not as all chippy as sometimes my blogs may portray me as.  Currently, I am a college graduate, unemployed and stuck in my parents house which is driving me absolutely INSANE (no offense to my parents).  It doesn't help that I look around and see successful preachers and I keep asking myself, How can I ever be that successful   These men of God have PH'Ds, leading choirs, singing while they are preaching, like MAN. How in the world would I EVER be able to do that.  Next thing I know, in the middle of a revival service, I'm just down....the complete opposite of a revival service.

One of my greatest issues/weaknesses is the need-to-be-needed.  The need to feel important.  The past four years I was part of a family, my UVP family (Messiah College's Gospel Choir) and for the last 3 years I was a selected leader part of that family as well as the choir director of my church choir.  However, that season has passed in my life, and I find myself just doing nothing.  No job, no life, no money. Just blah.  I feel like I went from the pinnacle of Mount Klakilaki (My made up mountain..don't judge me) to now the bottom of the grand canyon.  And no matter how much I try to climb through those walls to get into leveled territory I keep slipping.

The more I think about my future, the more I become nervous and become stressed out.  Will I ever direct a choir again?  Will I actually ever preach again in my life.  The foreseeable future is uncertain about that and that drives...me....BONKER$!!!

Where in the World Do I go from here?  Sometimes when I blog about struggles, I write that "I heard a still small voice telling me that it'll be alright" but to be honest.  I'm not hearing that right now.  Where I am right now, is I'm at a place in my life where I need to be.  I am in a place in my life where I need to be fully dependent of God.  Somehow I'm still able to pay my car note because money is literally coming out of nowhere.  Somehow I can be down in the dumps for the entire day, but out of nowhere something happens to lift me up.  Sometimes I feel abandoned by God, and I, like the great psalmist David cries out: Where are you Lord? Why aren't you listening to my prayers?  You know my needs, why aren't you supplying them?  Why am I still in this place in my life?? (An example of David crying out can be found at Psalm 22)

It's frustrating.  It's very frustrating.  But after going to revival I actually feel a little better.  After hearing the preacher preach, I do feel a little encouraged   Hopefully I can pass this along to one of my readers.  The preacher preached from Isaiah 43:2 & 5.  And the part that really spoke to me is the end of verse 2, where it says: "When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."  The preacher pointed 2 points of emphasis   The fact that the passage says "when" and the fact that the passage says "through".

When you walk.  When you walk.  Not IF you walk through the fire. I mean think about it.  We will walk into the fire.  We will struggle.  We will be down.  So we need to prepare for it. We need to put on the full armor of God.  The myth that followers of Jesus won't struggle is asinine!  God does NOT taking away all of our sufferings   Sometimes, we need to suffer in order to become new.  A caterpillar doesn't become a butterfly with a snap of finger.  It has to eat, get fat, and stay ina tight, annoying cocoon until nature (erm...God) tells it that it's ready. Struggle isn't always bad.

The second point is through.  The fact that the passage says that you will walk THROUGH the fire.  You aren't going to get scorched   You will not become set ablaze.  Wow.  That's encouraging.  That though we will have to walk through the fire, we will survive.  We will make it like the Hezekiah Walker song.

Even though I get annoyed with myself.  Even though at times I feel like God has abandoned me.  Even though I don't know the future.  I know that I will make it.  I know that I know that I can Stand.  No matter what may come my way.  My life is in YOUR hands. (My Life Is In Your Hands) Mannnnn....I'm encouraged!  I'm being completely honest with ya'll, at the start of this blog, I was down.  But the more I wrote, the better I was feeling.  So, this blog in general isn't just to encourage you the readers, it also helps me express myself and answer my own questions.  So, I thank you for reading.  I pray that you've been encouraged as I have been.

God Bless You All!
--MJA