Who Am I?

Today in church my spirit was revived, it was lifted because after over a month layoff I got to direct.  Granted it was only one song, it was however one of my favorite songs: He Reigns (Our God Is an Awesome God).  And lemme just say, I LET EM UZE ME!  And at that point I was at my spiritual heightness.  I was floating on my Spiriutal cloud-9 of sorts.

Then the sermon came.  And it was an atypcial sermon were Pastor Woody did an exercise.  He taught the church the Spiritual Disciple of the Lectio Devina.  This is just a fancy way to teach us to how read the scripture.  How to read the scriptutre prayerfully.  This discipline has 4 steps:

1. Read the scripture slowly and prayerfully a couple times through.
2. Mediatie on it, focus on what God is trying to tell you about the scripture.  Realize where it hurts, brings you joy, etc.
3.  Talk to God about it.  Tell Him specifically what was on your heart.
4. Be still. And just listen to what God has spoken to you.

So, the pastor read a familiar passage taken from Luke 18:9-14 which is the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.  It reads:

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable.

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: 
'God, I thank you that I am not like other people-robbers, evildowers, adulteres-or even like this tax collector. 
I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

But the tax collector stood at a distance.  He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 
'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

I tell you that his man, rather than the other, went home justified before God.  
For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those how humble themselves will be exalted."

And after the Pastor took us through those steps, he gave the congregation a chance to say what God was speaking to them.  A couple of people spoke and talked about God's love and another person talked about Humility.  And these are all great great things.

What hit me personally however, was the fact that for far too much in my life, I've been the Pharisee.  The Holy Spirit had convicted my soul.  Troubled my Spirit.  Made me feel soo...dirty.  And it was right at that moment where I realized that I needed to confess.  I needed to apologize, and I needed to repent.

People tend to come to me to talk about various things. And one thing I pride myself about is that I don't judge them.  I try my hardest not to judge them.  And I get the feeling that they sincerely believe that, and its true.  I'm not a judger.  However, there are those times when I pray where I thank the Lord for not putting me in certain positions.  Certain situations.  And it is in those moments where I unconsciously start to feel like I'm better than them.  I start to gather the "Holier than Thou mentality."  The scary part is that I don't even realize it.  And to that I say: Who am I?

Who am I?  Who am I to say that your sin is worse than mine?  Who am I to thank God for not doing A,B,C when I'm sitting there doing X, Y, & Z.  In God's eyes, no sin is worst than the other.  Because when it all comes down to it, sin kills.  For the wages of sin is death, but the Gift of God is everlasting.  I thank God (literally) that Jesus came down to be my penal substitute.  He took the blame that I should've.  I should be on my way to Hell in a hand-basket!  Like seriously....WHO THE HECK AM I?

So, I just need to repent for my wrong thoughts.  For my Holier Than Thou Mentality.  I pray for everyone that has done ABC but I also need prayer for my sins XYZ.  And you know the weird thing, some people may feel like XYZ is worst than ABC.  So really...WHO AM I?

I am a sinner.  But Jesus saved me.  I am lost.  But, Jesus found me.  I am a screw-up.  But, Jesus redeemed me.  "Amazing Love, how can it be, that you my king would die for me!"

If you are out there and you can relate.  I challenge you to be still.  To talk to God.  To ask the great Forgiverer for forgiveness.  To ask Him to change your hearts.  Because we all have skeletons in our closets.  I wil not cast the first stone! (John 8:2-11)