Rephrasing and Replacing. Case Study: God will never give you more than you can handle.

There is this one common Christian cliched phrase that over my life I've been guilty of reciting countless times to help people in theirs strifes.  Stop me if you've heard this one before:

"God will never give you more than you can handle."

This might sound harsh, but I vehemently disagree with the structure of the phraseology and I'll tell you why.

That phrase is the nice Christian way of telling the other people to hold on.  That they will survive and it is a perversion of the common bible verse Romans 8:28 which I quote often:  For we know that all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.

The problem is that we, as good intentioned Christians only look at half of Romans 8:28 and turned it into something catchy.  There's no doubt in my mind that the writer of this passage Paul (inspired by the Holy Spirit) said those words to encourage people, but I would argue that the most important part of the verse is the second half and not the first.

All things work together for the good of those that (a) love the Lord and (b) are called according to his purpose.  That's the key.  Countless times throughout the Old Testament God and other people inspired by God have mentioned that the wicked will fall.  That in the end the good will succeed when the promised Messiah rules (aka Jesus).

So, for my unbelieving readers, I do believe that God will allow things to happen to you that you just can't handle because you're not supposed to handle it alone.  You're supposed to trust in Jesus; to allow Jesus to take your bearings.  Yes, you must take a lot of the pain and suffering, but your comfort comes in knowing that no matter what happens, Jesus has your back!  All he wants is for you to love him.  That's amazing for me.

To by Christian readers, I do believe that God will allow things to happen to you so that you just can't handle because you're not supposed to handle it alone.  If you've noticed, I kept the same wording here.  I don't know about you, but just because I do believe that Jesus has my back and understands my pain doesn't mean that I BELIEVE it at the time.

One of the most effective ways unfortunately for God to get to us, believers or unbelievers, is to tear. us. down.  Strip away our riches in order to strip away our pride.  That why the songwriting William Murphy continually asks God to empty him and that he wants more, more, and more of God.  It's at those moments, God has us exactly where we wants us.  Broken.  Bruised. And it's that moment where we realize more than ever:  I need Jesus.  I can't do this alone.

And when we get out of it, we thank God for the allowance of the trials and tribulations we have in our life because we see what it did for us.  So actually, I want to thank God for allowing me to take more than I can handle [on my own].

So I am proposing a rephrasing and replacing of the common cliche.  Now this new phraseology probably isn't going to become very popular because it takes the owness off of me and my selfish desires and puts it on God and his sovereignty.  Plus, it's a kind of depressing phrase.  But if you ever feel inclined to whip out a Christian phrase, how about you try this one:

Often, God will allow us to have more than we can handle on our own so that we learn to be fully dependent on him.

How does that sound?  I don't think I'll be using that as a pick-me-up anytime soon.  But it's the truth ya'll.

The biggest damage that the common cliche can do is when that former phrase is used by well intentioned Christians to comfort those in pain.  However, most people, do not want to hear little Sunday School phrases when they are struggling.  If I was a parent and I just lost my newborn kid, that's the LAST thing I would want someone to say to me.  God will NEVER give me more than I can handle?  Is that so? Well I can't handle this!  What justice is there in killing a newborn child?

There are countless situations that this common phrase, along with others, can do irreparable damage.  The reason why we, well intentioned Christians, turn to it, is because we don't know what else to say.  I mean what do you really say to the parents of the deceased?  I'll tell you.  Nothing.  Sit there are say nothing.  Sit there are show your support.  Hug them and let them know that they are loved. Even if you aren't one to empathize, all people in strife want is to know that they are cared for.

If you agree with me, great! Let's change our mindsets together.  If you don't, that's ok too.  I am not the authority on all things so you can let me know your thoughts below.  I would love to hear them.

Above all else:

LoveGod.LovePeople.

--MJA

Represent The Love

Today is my parents 36th Wedding Anniversary!

Ok now that that is out the way let me get to the real point.  If you know anything about my parents and their relationship, you would know that it is a weird one.  My mom says that her greatest mistake was ever marrying my dad.  With that being said, lets talk about that four letter word that can strike fear in even the toughest man's psyche: L-O-V-E.

Despite the issues that they have had, despite the fact that my dad is a curmudgeon at all times, my mom still loves it.  At the same note, my mom probably doesn't communicate the way that my dad would like her to and the fact that she doesn't spend as much time home as he wishes at times, they still love each other.

It's hilarious to see what 36 years of marriage will do to a couple.  They know each other idiosyncrasies to a T but despite that, they both try to do things they aren't supposed to do.  No, I'm not talking about illegal measures, but little things such as pushing their bodies to limits it can't handle and then they yell at each other (my dad calls these, discussions).

Still despite getting on each others nervess (my mom's nerves more than my dad's) they still love each other.  It's crazy.  It's incomprehensible to me.  It's ridiculous that two people can be in so much love but rarely say it to each other.  A conversation that happens in the household is as follows:
Dad: I love you.
Mom: You Better.

Hil-a-rious.  I'm not going to lie, at times in my life I wasn't sure whether my mom really loved my dad but after recent events, I'm reminded that their mutual love runs deeper than I even imagined.

My dad has recently had his 3rd back surgery in 5 or 6 years.  Ever since the surgery my mom has been the general of the house.  She's making sure my dad doesn't do anything detrimental to his health.  She's protecting him, caring for him, and it's amazing to watch especially for me because I NEVER see that type of affection between my parental units.

The day my dad was released from the hospital he received shaking news.  For the purposes of confidentiality, I'm not going to disclose the news.  However, I will say that I've only seen my dad tear up once before that moment.  I didn't know what to do, but then I saw my mother provide the first ounce of wifely affection I've seen in my life.  She grabbed his hand immediately and talked to him.  That BLEW MY MIND.

That single moment has been running through my head on replay as a reminder that there was a reason they were married.  They were both my age at one time. They both probably had their doubts about relationships and life in general, but they made a commitment to spend their lives together and they are upholding it.  I'm blessed you guys.  I am an black male in an urban setting with both of my parents still upholding their matrimonial vows that they took over three and a half decades ago.

My mom might not be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman.  And my dad might not be the perfect 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9 man.  But praise the Lord they are trying!

They truly, in their own quirky way, represent the love.  I can only hope and pray that one day I may have a relationship as fruitful, but maybe not as weird, as theirs.  They have successfully modeled to me the idea of commitment.  The idea of a lifelong commitment.  If I do end up getting married to a beautiful soul, I will remember their relationship (at least I hope I do).

This isn't a fix-it blog.  Rather this is an encouragement blog.  To let my readers out there know that there is hope.  Let everyone know that vows and commitments are a real thing.  To prosper through the tough and weird times with you future or current spouses because you never know who's watching and looking to emulate.

With that being said, lets play a real lovin song!

I Don't Have An Answer.

Today I spent church in HBIC which was my church home for half of my college life and today I was reminded why I love that place. Pastor Woody is a crazy crazy man who has a lot of stuff to say and when he really wants to penetrate with his words, he can. And today he did that exact thing to me.

He preached out of Matthew 10:16-39 which is the end of the Jesus' Sermon on the Mount which is the greatest sermon that was ever written to my estimation. At the end of this "sermon" Jesus talks about persecution and brings the parallel that since he was persecuted and eventually killed, we as Christ followers should expect the same. It's the reason why Paul says in Romans that "to die is gain."

Pastor Woody dug even deeper on soo many levels but one point he hit was that the reasoning Christians should readily accept death is because we, as Christ followers, are already dead. Jesus commanded us to take up our cross, which was the ultimate instrument of death, and to follow him.

Wow. That got me to think if I was really willing to die. I know that I've said it before but is it actual reality? Furthermore, it got me thinking on Worship and worship songs.  It made me think about how many songs I sing as a worship leader and if I was to put myself on the psychologist's couch, I honestly don't mean. Let me give examples of what I'm talking about.

From the Old Gospel Tradition: I Surrender All

I surrender all,

I surrender all;

All to Thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all. 

Do I really want to surrender everything to Jesus? No, I wanna hold on to my selfish tendencies, I wanna live my life My Way as the Frank Sinatra song says.

Urban Gospel: I Give Myself Away

Take my heart,

Take my life,

As a living sacrifice;

All [of] my dreams,

All [of] my plans,

Lord I place them in your hands.

Sure, it's nice to say that I'll give my entire life to Christ. That Jesus can have all of me but do I mean it to the extent of the lyrics? Probably not.

Contemporary Christian: From the Inside Out

In my heart, in my soul,

I give you control,

Consume me from the inside out.

Once again the selfish tendencies take over. I don't want to live entire as Christ. I don't always want to love my enemies. That's stupid. It's difficult. Meh.

Let me take it a step further. This sermon got me to think about the extent of what I believe. No, I'm not claiming any loss of faith on my end.  But this has brought out a questioning side of me like none other. In some way or another I enjoy having some type of answer to any question theological or practical. But on my subconscious side, there are just some questions that I can't fathom no matter how much I BS it.  Questions that I come to God as ask why? For the first time in my life, I'm completely humbled to the fact that I don't have the answers to some questions.

Let me give examples of said questions:

Why is there sin in the world? I mean fundamentally, God reigns over everything but decided to give us choice and one choice is sin. Why even give us the choice?  That just made life more difficult and overly annoying.

Why do the most righteous people I know suffer? I understand that the world is going to persecute Christ followers but why would God allow us to suffer from diseases such as cancer. I already surrendered [most of] my life to Christ so why do I need to still suffer physically?  It doesn't make any sense.

Why isn't the Bible completely historically accurate? If bible readers were to be honest, they would say that some weird stuff go on in the Bible. What's up with that!?  The academic side of me is puzzled by it.

I can keep going and going. 

It's ok. It's ok that I don't have the answers. That's what faith is for. Faith is believing and knowing that there is a reason to all the pain and the seemingly discrepancy tendencies of life.

I broke down. My life was shattered. I was humbled. I'm ready to be restored by Christ.  

Last thing I'm going to say is that answers to the aforementioned questions are in my noggin but the doubt doesn't fully go away. So I don't want people to think that I can't answer those questions.

Blessings, 

MJA

It's Your Life

I once heard this quote from a very influential man of whose name I can't remember for the life of me.  It goes as follows:

"No one has as much grace for your life as you."- Unknown Preacher-Man

Ever since I heard it, it has been stuck in my head forever.  I use it when I talk to anyone and everyone that will listen because of the validity it portrays.  If I was honest, it took me a while to process the full meaning of this line and have come to the conclusion that at the heart of it, it's stating that no one can live your life.  No one has the ability to live your life.  No one has enough patience to live your life.  In simple words:  It's Your Life.

One of the worst Worst WORST things that I believe any Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jew, Atheist, Agnostic, or human in general can do is start off a sentence with these six words: "If I were you I would..."  Here's the thing...You aren't me!  You absolutely do not live my life.  There is no way you can fully feel what I feel.  You don't deal with the intricacies of the daily seconds of my life.

Regardless of how much empathy you think you possess, there is no way empathy can enable you to live my life.  Empathy only allows you to feel what I feel for that moment (s) in life.

Let me be clear, this is not a response to what anyone has said or done to me; it's just a thought that's come over me my brothers and sisters.  The most well intentioned person can do irreparable damage just by uttering that phrase or like-minded phrases.

Whenever you are facing any decision in your life where the two roads seem equally muddy and none look like the less traveled one, the best thing I can give you is an over-flowing fountain of prayer.  I can give you advice in the form of the examples of what I've done in my life enduring a similar situation but I can not equate your life with mine.  You have to live your life and I have to live mine.

What you can do for yourself is ask God for help.  The book of Proverbs talks about Wisdom and gives wisdom of feminine personification.  Wisdom and discernment is attainable in any situation when you ask for it.  The Psalms remind us that God will give us the pleasures of our hearts. (Psalm 37:4)  If it's something that our heart earnestly yearns for and if it is to give God glory, God will give it to us.

For those of us that are dealing with tough decisions, I "advise" you to take it to God in prayer.  For those of us that are in the business of having to constantly give advice, I beseech you to refrain from uttering those consecutive words.  If you really want to help that person, pray for them, listen to them, be present for them, and above all else, love them.

Remember It's Your Life.  I can walk with you side-by-side but I can't live it for you or else I might have to pull out my hair..

Be safe out there.

--MJA

Losing My Promised Land

Ya know, I was interacting with my Bible earlier tonight as part of my normal routine and on the agenda was to read Exodus 3-4.  In my head (sorry God), I was thinking: greatttt I get to read the story of Moses again...yayyy.  I thought that I knew the story from head to toe, but once again the Lord opened my eyes to a small but rather important detail that I've always skimmed over.

Chapter 3 is when Moses is "called" to saved the Israelites from Pharaoh's captivity and as God was knighting my man Mo, he kept brining up excuses and excuses on why God must've picked the wrong person.  The largest excuse was that he couldn't lead because he had some sort of speech impediment ("slow in tongue").  Some biblical scholars suggest he had a stuttering problem.  But that's besides the point.

Here is Mo' telling God all the reasons that he, being God, selected the wrong person to lead Israel out of captivity.  Let me say this again with added embellishes.  Here is Mo' tellin GOD all the reasons he being the [all-knowing] GOD, selected the wrong person to lead Israel out of captivity.

Pause.

This sounds wayyyy to familiar to me...

UnPause.

Moses' fear of leadership stopped him from receiving one of the biggest blessings.  He let his fear of public speaking (which happens to be the greatest fear in American adults) stop him from doing his task.  Not only that, God essentially told him that everything was going to be alright; God promised to have his back!  WHAT!?  And Moses was still afraid.

Eventually God gave up.  He was tired of Moses' bickering and doubt so he told him that Aaron, Moses' brother, would be the speaker with Moses being the mouthpiece for God.  So, God spoke, Moses spoke to Aaron, and then Aaron spoke to the people.  All that nonsense all because Moses was afraid to speak in front of people.

That tidbit of information really got me thinking about how many great opportunities have passed my grips because I was afraid.  Or that I didn't trust that my God is greater that my minor disabilities of sorts.

Yes, Israel was saved and historically more people remember Moses than Aaron.  It did indeed work out.  But, how much different, maybe even better, would it have been if Moses didn't let his fear consume him.  Maybe he would've lived to see the Promised Land instead of dying right before it happened.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to let my fears, doubts, and lack of trust prevent me from seeing the promised land.

If I am to be honest, I'm still going to have fears.  And at times my fears will seemingly drive me away and I may lose a bit of my Promised Land.  But, I'm glad God revealed to me this tidbit of information because it has vastly changed the narrative for me.

Thanks for reading you guys/gals!  I hope this encourages you not to let all your fears conquer you and that you don't lose a slice of your Promised Land!

--MJA

It's A Beautiful Day in The Neighborhood

If you are around the age that I am (20s - 30s) you would remember growing up to a very familiar theme song:

Would You Be Mine;

Could You Be Mine;

Won't you be My Neighbor

Ok. Ok. Let me admit part of me really just wanted to post this video for childhood flashbacks, but there's a serious reason for this song.  It's surrounded by the element of a being a neighbor.  In Luke 10: 25-37 Jesus introduces us to the Parable of the Good Samaritan.

This is a very familiar passage and if you haven't read it before, I advise you to.  But to give a brief synopsis:

A lawyer approached Jesus asking him the requirements for eternal life.  Jesus cleverly asked the lawyer what does the law state (the Old Testament).  The lawyer responded from a passage found in Deuteronomy 6:5 & Leviticus 19:18 which said: "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength  and with all your might, and 'your neighbor as yourself.'"  Then the lawyer asked Jesus who his neighbor was, to which Jesus told him the parable:

A man was walking along a road and was robbed by thieves who robbed him, stripped him, and left him half dead.  As he was laying half dead, a priest saw him but walked on the other side of the road, another religious man  saw him, looked at him, and then passed on the other side, but, a Samaritan (whom Jewish people hated) saw him and had compassion on him.  So, the Samaritan fixed up his wounds and took him to an inn.  The next day, the same (hated) Samaritan payed the innkeeper to supply housing for the man.

At the end of this parable Jesus asked the lawyer who was the victim's neighbor to which the lawyer would've reluctantly replied, the Samaratain.

Wow, that was a longer synopsis than I expected, but what really stood out to me was what my Study Bible called: A Collection of Attitudes.  This looked at the the 5 characters of the parable and how they reacted to the situation.

To the lawyer, the wounded man was a subject to discuss.  This is was just a parable to discover the definition of a real neighbor, the lawyer wasn't there, it was just a topic.

To the thieves, the wounded man was someone to use and exploit.

To the religious men, the wounded man was a problem to be avoided.  They didn't want anything to do with the man, they just walked on the other side.

To the innkeeper, the wounded man was a customer to serve for a fee.

To the Samaritan, the wounded man was a human being worth being cared for and loved.

To Jesus, all of them and all of us were worth dying for.

Wow.  What a collection of attitudes gleaned from this parable.  I'm not here to lecture anyone of the negatively depicted attitudes and neither was Jesus.  The who point of this discuss can be found in verse 37 where Jesus tells the man, "Go and do likewise."

Who's our neighbor?  Anyone & everyone but especially those that are going through hard times be it finically, emotionally, mentally  and any other -lly you can think of.  We as believers should be drawn to those that are hurting, not run away from them or just casually walking on the other side.  We are called to go.  So we should go!

So, Would You Be My; Could You Be My; Won't You By My Neighbor!

Our Motivation

I have a question to ask: why do you do what you do?  I mean seriously, why do you do what you do? Why do you help out your family member?  Why do you help out your friend?  What's your motivation?

Recently I've had to do some serious gut-checking to realize why I do what I do.  In the 14th Chapter of Luke, Jesus is once again blowing the Pharisee's minds (aka the religious-know-it-alls) and he hit them with a challenge: "When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid." (12)

Lets be honest, who would you rather invite to a nice lunch with you?  People that you know that have your back?  Or people that you don't know?  Now you might stop me right there and say that the logical response is to have the meal with someone you know and I would wholeheartedly agree with your response.  But if I was to come back with the infamous one worded rebuttal of "why?" what would you say?

Overall better conversation? Ok, that's a fair response.
Overall better enjoyment? I would even accept that response.

But a response that most people would not readily admit because it may be in your subconcious is a great motivation to dine with people we are cool with is because we know that they have our backs.  Say you "forgot" your wallet and your with your girlies, I'm sure you have that one or two friends that would take care of you citing you to pay them back but you never get around to it.  I mean that's what friends do right?

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with one friend taking care of another.  In fact, as the song says, "that's what friends are for."

Let me ask you a question, when was the last time you did something for someone that you knew didn't have the means to pay you back?  This person not only didn't have the means to pay you back, but probably won't ever pay you back.  For some of the readers I know that you may not have to think too far back in your memory deposits, however for others, you may have to think too far.

Forget dinners, lunches, or meals.  This little statement that Jesus makes has huge ramifications.  The loudest yelling one being: WE SHOULD NOT GO THROUGH LIFE DOING THINGS JUST TO HARVEST A BUNCH OF KARMA CHIPS.  Sorry about the whole "caps lock" thing, but I need to get this point across [mostly to myself].  In the 13th verse Jesus tells us that when we have a gathering, to invite those peeps that can't pay us back.  Why?  The reason is simple, it's a blessing to be a blessing.

Now I'm not telling you to go out and invite every blind person you know that's not named Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder and take them out to Outback.  I am reminding you however, that we need a constant reshaping on how we treat others.  We are all living this rough path of life together and we all fall down.

So who are you going to help in this next month?

Be blessed ya'll!
--MJA