He preached out of Matthew 10:16-39 which is the end of the Jesus' Sermon on the Mount which is the greatest sermon that was ever written to my estimation. At the end of this "sermon" Jesus talks about persecution and brings the parallel that since he was persecuted and eventually killed, we as Christ followers should expect the same. It's the reason why Paul says in Romans that "to die is gain."
Pastor Woody dug even deeper on soo many levels but one point he hit was that the reasoning Christians should readily accept death is because we, as Christ followers, are already dead. Jesus commanded us to take up our cross, which was the ultimate instrument of death, and to follow him.
Wow. That got me to think if I was really willing to die. I know that I've said it before but is it actual reality? Furthermore, it got me thinking on Worship and worship songs. It made me think about how many songs I sing as a worship leader and if I was to put myself on the psychologist's couch, I honestly don't mean. Let me give examples of what I'm talking about.
From the Old Gospel Tradition: I Surrender All
I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
Do I really want to surrender everything to Jesus? No, I wanna hold on to my selfish tendencies, I wanna live my life My Way as the Frank Sinatra song says.
Urban Gospel: I Give Myself Away
Take my heart,
Take my life,
As a living sacrifice;
All [of] my dreams,
All [of] my plans,
Lord I place them in your hands.
Sure, it's nice to say that I'll give my entire life to Christ. That Jesus can have all of me but do I mean it to the extent of the lyrics? Probably not.
Contemporary Christian: From the Inside Out
In my heart, in my soul,
I give you control,
Consume me from the inside out.
Once again the selfish tendencies take over. I don't want to live entire as Christ. I don't always want to love my enemies. That's stupid. It's difficult. Meh.
Let me take it a step further. This sermon got me to think about the extent of what I believe. No, I'm not claiming any loss of faith on my end. But this has brought out a questioning side of me like none other. In some way or another I enjoy having some type of answer to any question theological or practical. But on my subconscious side, there are just some questions that I can't fathom no matter how much I BS it. Questions that I come to God as ask why? For the first time in my life, I'm completely humbled to the fact that I don't have the answers to some questions.
Let me give examples of said questions:
Why is there sin in the world? I mean fundamentally, God reigns over everything but decided to give us choice and one choice is sin. Why even give us the choice? That just made life more difficult and overly annoying.
Why do the most righteous people I know suffer? I understand that the world is going to persecute Christ followers but why would God allow us to suffer from diseases such as cancer. I already surrendered [most of] my life to Christ so why do I need to still suffer physically? It doesn't make any sense.
Why isn't the Bible completely historically accurate? If bible readers were to be honest, they would say that some weird stuff go on in the Bible. What's up with that!? The academic side of me is puzzled by it.
I can keep going and going.
It's ok. It's ok that I don't have the answers. That's what faith is for. Faith is believing and knowing that there is a reason to all the pain and the seemingly discrepancy tendencies of life.
I broke down. My life was shattered. I was humbled. I'm ready to be restored by Christ.
Last thing I'm going to say is that answers to the aforementioned questions are in my noggin but the doubt doesn't fully go away. So I don't want people to think that I can't answer those questions.
Blessings,
MJA
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