I Can't Hold It

Have you ever read something and instantly felt on fire.  The passage, that paragraph, that sentence you read makes you exclaim to the top of your voice (possibly within the confines of your head): "Yes!  This is what I'm talking about!" Or some similar phraseology.

Well, this is what happened during my nightly bible study with myself reading Acts 26: 24-32.  Here, Paul is in prison and making his appeal to Herod Aggripa who is like a governor of a province of the Roman Empire.  Here Paul is falsely prisoned as a trouble maker and is pleading his case.  Actually, pleading is a rough word, Paul is making his argument on why he is unjustly shackled.  Throughout this process he finds a ingenious way to witness by proclaiming Jesus all throughout his testimony.

Stop There.

Paul's life is so infused with his Lord and savior, Jesus' that he can't help but talk about it; there is no aspect of his life where Jesus cannot be found oozing in it.  It's ridiculous how passionate and fearless Paul was in a spot where he was persecuted for what he believed in.

Resume.

Verse 28 states as follows: "Then [Herod] Agrippa said to Paul, "You almost persuade me to become a Christian."

Pause.

Now it's pretty obvious that Agrippa (or Aggy) was being sarcastic.  Nonetheless, the truth is still present that Paul provided a very compelling argument supported by eyewitnesses and facts all in chapter 26.  It brings me to the idea that no matter how perfect we feel our argument is...No matter how infallible we feel like the evidence is, some people. just. won't. listen (at least not at that moment).  And you know what, it's ok.

One of the feelings I've been having recently is trying to learn it all.  Earlier in my life I was planning on becoming a lawyer and one of the characteristics of a lawyer is to anticipate every argument and rebuttal coming your way.  I mean, one of the ABCs' of law is to "never ask a question you don't know the answer to."  But I don't need to know it all, in fact even if I did, I still won't be able to convince everyone.  And that's. ok. What a load off my back.

Continue (here's the big point).

Verse 29: "Paul replied, 'Short time or long--I pray to God that not only you but all who are listening to me today may become what I am, except for these chains." (I switched translations on ya, aka this one was NIV).

Screeching Halt!

This is what hit me.  This is exactly what I've been feeling recently.  There has been an immense desire to spread the Gospel within me recently.  To be completely honest, I knew the feeling was there, I just didn't know how strong it was until I read this verse.  I want my brothers and sisters; aunts and uncles; friends and enemies to get to know Jesus!

I want them to feel peace when life around them feels pathetic;
I want them to feel loved when they are at their least lovable state;
I want them to feel joy so high that they can't even put it to words;
I want them to feel Jesus ya'll.
I want them to feel Jesus.

It's never driven me this crazy before.  Maybe it's because I'm in the process of switching careers within the next few days.  Maybe it's because I've found a church home and subsequently have become loyal to it (shoutout to Spirit & Truth Fellowship).  I can't explain it.  I just want everyone to know Jesus, my Christ, my God, my Jehovah.

I know this is an abrupt way to end this blog, but I Can't Hold It!

Thanks for reading!

I Can't Hold It - Byron Cage

Where Do I Go From Here? (Reprised)

The title of the first "blog" that I ever construed back in 2007 was "Where Do I Go From Here?"  A question that many of us continuously ponder from day to day, hour-2-hour, and minute-to-minute.  I thought I had it all figured out.  I thought I understood what I am called to be.  But the deeper I dig, the more confused I become.  The mantra that I held while I was finishing high school has not become any clearer now that I've been out of college and integrated into the adult life.  Wasn't this thing called life supposed to make more sense??

That's probably the reason I haven't been blogging recently; there are so many underdeveloped thoughts in my head that I can't get it out to form a complete thought.  Or worse, as I work on the process to compile a complete thought I end up spiraling into a wave of confusion.  It feels like my brain isn't able to fully process anything.  My humanly, finite brain isn't able and it's frustrating.

Sure I've tried to talk about it to others.  My relationship with my parents hasn't been stronger since pre-teen years.  But religiously, ever night, I spiral into this deep sense of establishing my worth.  When I say my worth, I don't mean it in the negative way because believe me, I know to whom I am.  I am a child of the Most High King and as that child, I know where I'm going once that one glad morning happens.

No, when I say my worth, I mean what am I supposed to be doing on this planet.  How can I be the best person I possibly can in the church, in the workplace, in my family, and with my friends.  If you have any answer besides the cliched one I welcome them.  In church I often feel, to take the words of a former substitute teacher: "lost-in-the-ghetto-sacuce."  At work I'm now changing mindsets and paths thus having absolutely no clue where it's leading.  With my family, I'm consistently trying to bring us all together by being more societal driven by fighting back our urges to be individual robots.  And with my friends, oh with my friends, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.  We'll leave it at that.

It's suffice to say that I'm lost.  It's not a coincidence that my recent studies have evolved around Job and the Psalms.  The theme of desertion is plastered throughout those pages along with the thought of whether God is really listening and if so, where is he?  Why aren't my ways his ways?  Why aren't my thoughts his thoughts?  I want to be like David- a man after God's heart but I don't feel it...

Remember.

Hope in God.

Trust.

Those are the three words that are continually echoing in my head.  Maybe it's because I just got finished reading Ps 42 and 43 where hope in God and remembrance with a dabble of trust are sprinkled in the literature.  God is present.  Jesus is alive and is coming back.  I look back and remember the sacrifice that my God made and all the wonderful works that he's done in the lives before, around, and in me.  Through that remembrance I find a hope in God. A hope that I'm not going through all of this confusion and questions for no reason.  Hope that there is a great plan because sometimes there doesn't feel like one.  One of the products of hope is faith (Hebrews 11:1).  The product of faith is trust.

Any time I think about trust, I'm always brought back to a Donnie McClurkin song that reminds us that we need to trust in God.  Remembering helps us hope which helps us trust..

I don't know if this is going to help anyone out there.  This could be something that I'm just going through that no one else is struggling with.  But if you're out there and reading this now, I want to remind you to just trust Jesus.  That's what I'm (trying) to do.

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all of your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Prov. 3:5-6

That my friends, is what I'm trying to do.  

Take care everyone,
-MJA

The Bastardization of Christian Worship Music

Have you ever had a friend (or maybe you're that friend) that tries wayy to hard to fit in.  This friend will at times bend his or her morals just to feel accepted, just to feel in the "in-crowd?"  I know that I've been like that at times and from experience, your popularity won't last very long. Either your popularity runs out because people realize that you are a phony, or you lose the drive continuously being something you're not due to its draining effect.

That is what's happened to Christian -- "God" Music.  What first started as an experiment of blending new music and sound to reach new generations, have lost, what Charismatic People call: "anointing."

Anointing.  That indescribable feeling when you hear an artist sing or play that you can just feel; that ministers to you.  Too many of our music is now lacking this.  Too many of our mainstreams songs are being made just to grab a buck.  While money is nice, the Bible reminds us that the love of money is the root of all evil. (1 Tim. 6:10)

An artist that produces music that is intended to impact a Christian-seeking audience (and also a Christian artist that wants to reach out to secular crowds) shouldn't have the primary motive of making money.  Our primary motive, in all that we do, is to glorify God and to draw people closer to Jesus.  And while peppering Jesus' name throughout a song might satisfy your conscious for a while, you are essentially turning Jesus' temple (which is everywhere) into a "den full of thieves."  Of which Jesus drove out. (Matt 21:13)

Some people might think that the title of this blog is kinda harsh and I would be inclined to agree with them.  However, as a worship leader who dabbles in artistry (bass player) as well as spent a good portion of my life directing choirs, I'm getting sick and tired of Jesus-music being made just for the money.  Or even worse just so that the artist can become famous.  Or even worse, the artist has become famous, has a loyal following, and has allowed the love of money get to their head which puts their lovers at risk.  So yes, I am annoyed thus the harsh title.

What happened to that music where you can listen to the first verse of it and just feel the Holy Spirit moving through it?  For example, I'm sitting in my bed earlier in the year watching the Passion Conference in Atlanta.  All of a sudden this woman starts singing, of whom I'd never heard of, but you may know her as Kari Jobe.  She sang the Revelation Song (which I'd never been too fond of).  Right when she starts singing the verse, I felt an instant shutter.  By the end of the song I was BLOWN AWAY because that song had anointing.

I will be the first one to admit that I'm an overly emotional black man when it comes to worshipping and I'm not ashamed.  But if you aren't feeling something by the bridge..Then maybe I'm just insane.

A fellow blogger Dan asked me a question about Christian Bands, and how do I perceive them.  My response is that I have no problem with huge bands; from little garage bands to organs to orchestral sympathies.  If you were to look through my iTunes you would see a range of all different instrumentation; it doesn't matter.
For example: (another Kari Jobe example--you can see how much I like her)

I don't wanna take up too much space, but I can go on..and on with different musical styles.  I'll admit it, this whole anointing thing can be accused of being subjective.  Nevertheless, I believe that when the Holy Spirit is on a song, anyone that's in tune can feel it.  I'm not a big fan of Southern Country music such as the Gaithers.  I would be remissed, however, to say that their music doesn't have some anointin.

My God is not one of limits.  I'm not going to call out people of whom I feel have "sold out" to mainstream ideal of M.O.E. (Money over Everything).  I'm just a worshipper who wants some genuine new songs to worship to.

For all of my gospel loving brother and sisters, here's a gospel song that I feel when it's sang:

I would love to hear your comments.  Who knows I might need to write a Pt. 2.

This blog is written in concurrance with Michael Gungor's "On the Problem With the Christian Music Industry"

--MJA

Grace is Found Here

One of the biggest difference between Christianity and all of the other religions, belief systems, ideologies, or what ever you may or may not believe in is the fact that at the heart of it, we don't have to do anything to get closer to God.  We don't HAVE to prep ourselves.  The essential "religious" aspect of it was abolished on the cross.  Through Jesus' death and resurrection, we have an unlimited amount of grace.

The crazy thing is that all, (and I mean ALL) of are sins have been forgiven. Paul beautiful articulates it in Colossians 2:13-14.

"And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands.  This he set aside, nailing it to the cross." (ESV - emphasis mine)

Some translations, like the ESV, will use the word trespasses while others use the word "sin."  Irregardless, the point I want to emphasize is the past participle used in this verse.  Notice that it doesn't say that are sins are being forgiven now or in the present.  No, our sins have been forgiven.  Not only that, but ALL of our sins have been forgiven.

The word sin comes from the greek word hamartia which literally means to "miss the mark."  So anytime we sin, it plainly means that we have an end goal (whether we realize it or not) and we often miss that mark, thus we sin.  The absolute amazing thing is that the sins we commit unconsciously or even intentionally have been forgiven when Jesus was nailed to the cross.  I'm not saying that there isn't power in repenting and confessing our sins because that's for another blog, but I am saying that, Grace is found here.  No matter what you have done, knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally, has been forgiven!  WHAT!?

I'm not here to put down any other religions/beliefs but that to me, is what makes Jesus the Christ so unique.  I don't have to do anything but believe in my heart that he lived, was killed, most importantly, was raised from the dead, and is coming back.  That's it!

There is a danger point however,  it's that people abuse the "Grace Card."  But, that's for another blog.

For now, I just want you to realize the freedom you have in Jesus.  Not some, not most, not a bunch, but all of your sins have been forgiven.  You just have to believe.  That's all it takes.  All the grace in the world is found here.  There is more than enough grace to go around for everyone.

For my unbelieving readers: What are you waiting for?
For my already-belieing readers:  Isn't that notion amazing?  Sometimes I need to get a reminder of how awesome my God is and I hope it helps you out wherever you are right now.

Blessings,
--MJA

Rephrasing and Replacing. Case Study: God will never give you more than you can handle.

There is this one common Christian cliched phrase that over my life I've been guilty of reciting countless times to help people in theirs strifes.  Stop me if you've heard this one before:

"God will never give you more than you can handle."

This might sound harsh, but I vehemently disagree with the structure of the phraseology and I'll tell you why.

That phrase is the nice Christian way of telling the other people to hold on.  That they will survive and it is a perversion of the common bible verse Romans 8:28 which I quote often:  For we know that all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.

The problem is that we, as good intentioned Christians only look at half of Romans 8:28 and turned it into something catchy.  There's no doubt in my mind that the writer of this passage Paul (inspired by the Holy Spirit) said those words to encourage people, but I would argue that the most important part of the verse is the second half and not the first.

All things work together for the good of those that (a) love the Lord and (b) are called according to his purpose.  That's the key.  Countless times throughout the Old Testament God and other people inspired by God have mentioned that the wicked will fall.  That in the end the good will succeed when the promised Messiah rules (aka Jesus).

So, for my unbelieving readers, I do believe that God will allow things to happen to you that you just can't handle because you're not supposed to handle it alone.  You're supposed to trust in Jesus; to allow Jesus to take your bearings.  Yes, you must take a lot of the pain and suffering, but your comfort comes in knowing that no matter what happens, Jesus has your back!  All he wants is for you to love him.  That's amazing for me.

To by Christian readers, I do believe that God will allow things to happen to you so that you just can't handle because you're not supposed to handle it alone.  If you've noticed, I kept the same wording here.  I don't know about you, but just because I do believe that Jesus has my back and understands my pain doesn't mean that I BELIEVE it at the time.

One of the most effective ways unfortunately for God to get to us, believers or unbelievers, is to tear. us. down.  Strip away our riches in order to strip away our pride.  That why the songwriting William Murphy continually asks God to empty him and that he wants more, more, and more of God.  It's at those moments, God has us exactly where we wants us.  Broken.  Bruised. And it's that moment where we realize more than ever:  I need Jesus.  I can't do this alone.

And when we get out of it, we thank God for the allowance of the trials and tribulations we have in our life because we see what it did for us.  So actually, I want to thank God for allowing me to take more than I can handle [on my own].

So I am proposing a rephrasing and replacing of the common cliche.  Now this new phraseology probably isn't going to become very popular because it takes the owness off of me and my selfish desires and puts it on God and his sovereignty.  Plus, it's a kind of depressing phrase.  But if you ever feel inclined to whip out a Christian phrase, how about you try this one:

Often, God will allow us to have more than we can handle on our own so that we learn to be fully dependent on him.

How does that sound?  I don't think I'll be using that as a pick-me-up anytime soon.  But it's the truth ya'll.

The biggest damage that the common cliche can do is when that former phrase is used by well intentioned Christians to comfort those in pain.  However, most people, do not want to hear little Sunday School phrases when they are struggling.  If I was a parent and I just lost my newborn kid, that's the LAST thing I would want someone to say to me.  God will NEVER give me more than I can handle?  Is that so? Well I can't handle this!  What justice is there in killing a newborn child?

There are countless situations that this common phrase, along with others, can do irreparable damage.  The reason why we, well intentioned Christians, turn to it, is because we don't know what else to say.  I mean what do you really say to the parents of the deceased?  I'll tell you.  Nothing.  Sit there are say nothing.  Sit there are show your support.  Hug them and let them know that they are loved. Even if you aren't one to empathize, all people in strife want is to know that they are cared for.

If you agree with me, great! Let's change our mindsets together.  If you don't, that's ok too.  I am not the authority on all things so you can let me know your thoughts below.  I would love to hear them.

Above all else:

LoveGod.LovePeople.

--MJA

Represent The Love

Today is my parents 36th Wedding Anniversary!

Ok now that that is out the way let me get to the real point.  If you know anything about my parents and their relationship, you would know that it is a weird one.  My mom says that her greatest mistake was ever marrying my dad.  With that being said, lets talk about that four letter word that can strike fear in even the toughest man's psyche: L-O-V-E.

Despite the issues that they have had, despite the fact that my dad is a curmudgeon at all times, my mom still loves it.  At the same note, my mom probably doesn't communicate the way that my dad would like her to and the fact that she doesn't spend as much time home as he wishes at times, they still love each other.

It's hilarious to see what 36 years of marriage will do to a couple.  They know each other idiosyncrasies to a T but despite that, they both try to do things they aren't supposed to do.  No, I'm not talking about illegal measures, but little things such as pushing their bodies to limits it can't handle and then they yell at each other (my dad calls these, discussions).

Still despite getting on each others nervess (my mom's nerves more than my dad's) they still love each other.  It's crazy.  It's incomprehensible to me.  It's ridiculous that two people can be in so much love but rarely say it to each other.  A conversation that happens in the household is as follows:
Dad: I love you.
Mom: You Better.

Hil-a-rious.  I'm not going to lie, at times in my life I wasn't sure whether my mom really loved my dad but after recent events, I'm reminded that their mutual love runs deeper than I even imagined.

My dad has recently had his 3rd back surgery in 5 or 6 years.  Ever since the surgery my mom has been the general of the house.  She's making sure my dad doesn't do anything detrimental to his health.  She's protecting him, caring for him, and it's amazing to watch especially for me because I NEVER see that type of affection between my parental units.

The day my dad was released from the hospital he received shaking news.  For the purposes of confidentiality, I'm not going to disclose the news.  However, I will say that I've only seen my dad tear up once before that moment.  I didn't know what to do, but then I saw my mother provide the first ounce of wifely affection I've seen in my life.  She grabbed his hand immediately and talked to him.  That BLEW MY MIND.

That single moment has been running through my head on replay as a reminder that there was a reason they were married.  They were both my age at one time. They both probably had their doubts about relationships and life in general, but they made a commitment to spend their lives together and they are upholding it.  I'm blessed you guys.  I am an black male in an urban setting with both of my parents still upholding their matrimonial vows that they took over three and a half decades ago.

My mom might not be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman.  And my dad might not be the perfect 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9 man.  But praise the Lord they are trying!

They truly, in their own quirky way, represent the love.  I can only hope and pray that one day I may have a relationship as fruitful, but maybe not as weird, as theirs.  They have successfully modeled to me the idea of commitment.  The idea of a lifelong commitment.  If I do end up getting married to a beautiful soul, I will remember their relationship (at least I hope I do).

This isn't a fix-it blog.  Rather this is an encouragement blog.  To let my readers out there know that there is hope.  Let everyone know that vows and commitments are a real thing.  To prosper through the tough and weird times with you future or current spouses because you never know who's watching and looking to emulate.

With that being said, lets play a real lovin song!

I Don't Have An Answer.

Today I spent church in HBIC which was my church home for half of my college life and today I was reminded why I love that place. Pastor Woody is a crazy crazy man who has a lot of stuff to say and when he really wants to penetrate with his words, he can. And today he did that exact thing to me.

He preached out of Matthew 10:16-39 which is the end of the Jesus' Sermon on the Mount which is the greatest sermon that was ever written to my estimation. At the end of this "sermon" Jesus talks about persecution and brings the parallel that since he was persecuted and eventually killed, we as Christ followers should expect the same. It's the reason why Paul says in Romans that "to die is gain."

Pastor Woody dug even deeper on soo many levels but one point he hit was that the reasoning Christians should readily accept death is because we, as Christ followers, are already dead. Jesus commanded us to take up our cross, which was the ultimate instrument of death, and to follow him.

Wow. That got me to think if I was really willing to die. I know that I've said it before but is it actual reality? Furthermore, it got me thinking on Worship and worship songs.  It made me think about how many songs I sing as a worship leader and if I was to put myself on the psychologist's couch, I honestly don't mean. Let me give examples of what I'm talking about.

From the Old Gospel Tradition: I Surrender All

I surrender all,

I surrender all;

All to Thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all. 

Do I really want to surrender everything to Jesus? No, I wanna hold on to my selfish tendencies, I wanna live my life My Way as the Frank Sinatra song says.

Urban Gospel: I Give Myself Away

Take my heart,

Take my life,

As a living sacrifice;

All [of] my dreams,

All [of] my plans,

Lord I place them in your hands.

Sure, it's nice to say that I'll give my entire life to Christ. That Jesus can have all of me but do I mean it to the extent of the lyrics? Probably not.

Contemporary Christian: From the Inside Out

In my heart, in my soul,

I give you control,

Consume me from the inside out.

Once again the selfish tendencies take over. I don't want to live entire as Christ. I don't always want to love my enemies. That's stupid. It's difficult. Meh.

Let me take it a step further. This sermon got me to think about the extent of what I believe. No, I'm not claiming any loss of faith on my end.  But this has brought out a questioning side of me like none other. In some way or another I enjoy having some type of answer to any question theological or practical. But on my subconscious side, there are just some questions that I can't fathom no matter how much I BS it.  Questions that I come to God as ask why? For the first time in my life, I'm completely humbled to the fact that I don't have the answers to some questions.

Let me give examples of said questions:

Why is there sin in the world? I mean fundamentally, God reigns over everything but decided to give us choice and one choice is sin. Why even give us the choice?  That just made life more difficult and overly annoying.

Why do the most righteous people I know suffer? I understand that the world is going to persecute Christ followers but why would God allow us to suffer from diseases such as cancer. I already surrendered [most of] my life to Christ so why do I need to still suffer physically?  It doesn't make any sense.

Why isn't the Bible completely historically accurate? If bible readers were to be honest, they would say that some weird stuff go on in the Bible. What's up with that!?  The academic side of me is puzzled by it.

I can keep going and going. 

It's ok. It's ok that I don't have the answers. That's what faith is for. Faith is believing and knowing that there is a reason to all the pain and the seemingly discrepancy tendencies of life.

I broke down. My life was shattered. I was humbled. I'm ready to be restored by Christ.  

Last thing I'm going to say is that answers to the aforementioned questions are in my noggin but the doubt doesn't fully go away. So I don't want people to think that I can't answer those questions.

Blessings, 

MJA