You

Hey, it's me again.  The one that felt deserted.  The one that felt unappreciated.  The one that never quite seemed to fit in because my family raised him a lil bit different.  Just because you may not have liked my parents doesn't mean it has to go down on him.  I wanted to help out...I wanted to desperately get involved, to feel wanted. And yet you shoved me out.  And now you are surprised when you find out where I am. Who I'm trying to become? How God is using me??

I used to hate you.  I used to absolutely loathe your presence.  Every week I would dread that day were I would face your presence.  If it wasn't for my loving parents forcing me to attend you once or twice a week I guarantee you I wouldn't have visited.  When I was in your presence I felt judged, looked down upon, and used.  Yes, there were parts of you that I loved.  Parts of you that welcomed me, that loved me.  But, the nasty parts..the mean parts always seemed to overtake me...to consume me.  But yet...yet...my parents still forced me to go see to you at least once a week.  There were times where I would act like I was sick just so I wouldn't have to engage you.  Yep, I said it...I lied just because I couldn't stand your presence.  You were supposed to love me.  You were supposed to care about me..for me.  You were supposed to be part of my family.  I was supposed to be happy to be around you..at least most of the time. But, I never wanted to be near you....

Once I graduated high school I felt free!  I never had to see you again.  I never had to see you or any of your cousins again!  But wait...I went to a college that was based off you.  Why?  Why would I spend the next four years of my life learning more about you!?  I initially didn't know why God pointed me in that direction, but soon I would find out...

My first year in college I did everything to avoid you and your cousins.  I would never go visit you unless I was forced to because of my love for music or some older people required me to.  I enjoyed my sleep. (I am NOT a morning person).  I mean seriously, why would I wake up early to visit you when I didn't even like you.

My next year I dated a girl who was in love with your extended family.  Wow...it was contagious.  She actually got me excited to go meet your 2nd-cousin-twice-removed!  Once I entered into her presence...I felt something different.  I didn't feel judged...but I didn't feel loved either.  But my girlfriend was in love with your family.  So, naturally I kept going.  The more I went, the more I learned.  Your 2nd-cousin-twice-removed is a smart lady.  She really knew how to keep me interested...to teach me.  But soon I lost the fire to visit even her.  I eventually broke up with my girlfriend and was left in the same place...

But then, I saw something.  You was struggling...Here was my chance to feel loved...To feel wanted! I had the tools to help you.  Yet you refused me.  Once again you looked down on me.  After that, I never wanted to see you again!  You scarred me for my next year (Junior Year of College).  Until...

I was coerced to come meet another one of your family members...It had to be God that introduced us because once I met this beautiful relative, I felt loved.  I didn't feel judged.  I felt anew!  Even though I still was unsure about this Beautiful Monster, I kept going because I couldn't get enough of her!  She wasn't perfect, but then again, no one is. She, however, loved me.  And I started to love her.  She had one of the best brains I had ever seen and the rest of her body was great as well (it gets a 9 out of 10 if you know what I mean!).  I never thought I could learn so much from someone like her.  I've fallen in love with her.  Eventually, there may come a day when I have to leave her.  But I want to say that thanks to her, I've been restored and replenished.  I've been restored in my faith in God.  And I love your family, flaws in all.

Now, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for lying to you.  I'm sorry for hating you.  Before I just saw all of your flaws and denied the good in you.  Though you may be surprised where I am now, (aka trying to become an important part of your family) I hope that you continue to pray for me.  I just want to ask for your forgiveness.  If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am now. Thank You You!

To my readers, if you havent figured out who you is.  You is church.  That's my church journey in a quick snippet.