Deserving

What do I deserve?  I recently caught myself, like I always do, complaining.  Complaining about my life complaining about my mind even complaining about other peoples' lives (crazy I know!) but then I just stopped myself.  Why?  Because a thought came to my head that made me realize: WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN?  I do understand that it is the "Christian Thang" to complain but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do my best complaining.  

This month there has been a plethora of changes in my life; positive changes in my life but for some reason I find that thing to complain about. Why?  It is because I ine'vitably ungrateful.  I'm reminded of the Deitrick Haddon Song simply titled: "Ungrateful" where the bridge says:

Lord forgive me..., I'm sorry...so ungrateful/When I Should Be Thankful/Please Forgive me..Lord I'm sorry/I Should be thankful, but look at me/I'm so ungrateful after all that You've done..

And that right there makes me ponder the idea, what do I deserve?  Why do I feel like I'm entitled to anything.  Anything that I have whether it is material, relational, or spiritual is a GIFT from the Lord.  Why can't I get it across my thick skull and stop complaining?  As a believer its frustrating to complain about little things.  Ok, you don't like me like I like you, so, I have to get over it.  Ok, I didn't get the gift I wanted, I have to get over it.  Ok, I didn't get the grade I wanted because I didn't work as hard as I could've (because you can always work harder), well, I have to get over it & then work harder next time. Ok, I don't the singing voice I want, I have to get over it & make it work for me.  Dear Michael, stop being ungrateful.

The high positions I have is nothing but a blessing from God and I even catch myself complaining about that.  Are you kidding me?  I don't DESERVE to be the director of two choirs!  I thank God every day that he gives me the opportunity to bless others and that those that follow me...follow me.  Paul said that for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  There hasn't been a more true statement in my opinion.  I am no better than anyone else out there.  Why do I get mad when I didn't get the promotion I feel like I deserved.  Or why do I get mad when I didn't get the girl I felt like I deserved.  Why do I get mad when I didn't get the recognition I felt like I deserved.  Or get mad because I can't hit the tenor note all the time because I deserve to do it.  I can keep going, it is ridiculous when I type it out.  Truth be told the only thing I deserve is to go to Hell.  But by the grace of God, sending his ONLY begotten son Jesus the Christ am I not destined for that eternal pit.

You know, for the first time I'm being completely honest.  All these things are things I've personally struggled with.  I'm sure I'm missing some of the other things I'm missing which is fine.  But if you are reading this, just remember to Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 107:1).

Forgiving

I made a blog a lil while ago about Forgiveness and whether we honestly forgive of which I came to the conclusion of yes and no.  This blog isn't going to contradict that one nor event talk about similar situations.  The reason this is being written is because there is a couple situations in my life where either me or someone close to me and yearning to forgive someone for a wrong they did to them.  Da' T.R.U.T.H. made a song called Forgiveness and I'm going to use specific parts of his song to shape my thoughts.

 (Chorus):

They say forgiveness is a choice

Disappointment and anger gives bitterness a voice

But I gotta swallow my pride and follow my God

Til I’m finished this course

The chorus to this song brings up the old wise tale that forgiving someone is totally up to the person that's wronged.  Well, I'm here as well as the Bible is here to tell you that that is a common fallacy.  We do not have a choice to forgive, rather it is something that is required of us.  To be able to legit forgive someone is admitting that you are no better than they and even more important, you are not greater than God.  Why do I say that?  Yes, you've been wronged, and hopefully the person acknowledges that, but even if they don't, holding on to the grudge is saying that all the wrongs youve done to other people phathom in comparison to what that person did.  And maybe in reality it does, but we are all humans and you NEVER know how much of your actions hurt others.  Furthermore, God forgives us for stuff we do ALL the time.  Jesus forgave those (aka us) that crucified him.  Our job as a Christian is to follow Jesus, right?  Then we have to forgive or else we aren't doing our jobs.

The 2nd Verse says (in part):

God knows what you’ve been through; He’s intune

But forgiveness is the healing for them wounds

So you gotta let it go, let it go

it’ll kill you if you let it grow

unforgiveness is a poison

I love the line, "unforgiveness is a poison" because it really is.  Once again I will reiterate, yes you've been wronged, but until you are able to forgive that "wrong" you faced will continue to haunt you.  You will never be able to get over what he/she did to you and most likely you will reflect that anger/hate on someone else and in the end, hurt future relationships.  How do I know?  Just ask me at a later time. As the T.R.U.T.H. said, "forgiveness is the healing for them wounds."

The third verse says (in part)

Love your enemies is part of growing up

Wanna hold a grudge, I know its tough 

But if Joseph the dreamer forgave his older bruh

And Christ forgives for all our sins

And likes to give life tho we aint go no right to live

My FAVORITE line in here is "love your enemies is part of growing up."  Not everyone is going to like to hear this (including myself), but holding grudges is a childish act.  Growing up and maturing is a process that in part opens your eyes to realize that we are all the same; we are all humans and we are all sinners.  And just by that categorization, we are ALL going to mess up.  The quicker you realize that, the quicker you need to forgive.  Besides, if it wasn't for Christ forgiveness, we all be dead right now.

Epiphany

I just had an epiphany.  I've been writing about the whole "woe is me" narrative to the point that I'm tired of it.  I haven't really been relaying it to people cuz I'm tired of it.  Why do we, as Christians, constantly try to keep everything in control?  Because it feels safe.  The problem is that this "safe" feeling is only temporary because every good thing comes to an end.  And when it comes to an end we all try to do 2 things: Run to God and/or Run to our friends/Family (humans).  Do we typically remember to praise God during the happy times?  Do we typically remember to thank Him for all he is doing during those happy times?  Maybe if we did, when the storms come and go (best believe they will go!) we wouldn't be so shaken.  Maybe its just me but being sad and down is time consuming and exhausting!  Not only are you exhausting yourself but also the people you go to.  So I'm determined.  Determined to not let the little things bother me.  I will not only Praise You in the Storm, but I will praise You in the good times.  I need to trust that You have my best interests and that You know more than I.  It's a hard thing to do...ya know...to let go and let God.  But it has to be done. 

Ahhh I love these moments.  Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for me.  I'll never understand why you did it but I am thankful that you did.

That's all for now.

-MJA

It's A God Thing

I know that its been a while since I've posted, but a lot of things have been going on with the end of J-Term and the beginning of the Spring Semester that I've been slightly overwhelmed, but I'm back!

I head a sermon on January 30, 2011 at Enon Taberbernacle that really made me think.  It was titled, "It's a God Thing" and the primary basis of it was that God has his hands in everything that we do.  

Have you ever had one of those instances that something amazing or spectacular happened that you know that there is no way you could've done it?  No matter how big or how small this accomplishment was, God had His hands in it.  Sometimes I just have to give him PRIASE!

*I, I gotta praise...I gotta praise and I gotta let it out...I got a praise*

I don't know what you, as the reader is going through or what miracles He has pulled you through but what I DO know is that everyday he does something amazing in my life which is waking me up in the morning.  Yes, sometimes I don't feel like gut I am getting out of bed because I'm a lazy, grumpy, human being, but, I am blessed that he woke me up.

For some people waking up is not a miracle, some people may need more evidence, and what I have to say about that is that God works on HIS time, not our time.  He doesn't have to prove Himself to us, and we should NOT expect things just because we ask for it.  He knows our life and our needs better than we THINK we know it.  He is OMNIPOTENT, ALL-KNOWING, and ALL POWERFUL.

There has been a miracle in my life that happened on monday during the United Voices of Praise practice.  Today was the first day for auditions and I honestly didn't know what to expect.  Fall Semester's turnout was really good, I would estimate about 75 people were there.  This rehersal had an astounding 88 people in it.  I told the choir that I never thought I would see a number bigger than the Fall Semester but praise the LORD I did.  And it wasnt from anything that I did.  I would love to boost my ego claiming that it was my doing or even the choir's doing in persuading people to join with their performance but in reality....IT'S A GOD THING.

There have been performances that I've been nervous because not enough people showed up in my opinion, but guess what? We still rocked it.  Why?  It's a God Thing.  So, anything concerning UVP, I am no longer worried about because I know that He has his hands on this choir.  Originally, I was quite nervous about the studio session that we will have ina week but I'm not now and you already know why......BUT if you don't know I'm gonna let you know....

IT'S A GOD THANG!!

Boasting by Lecrae ft. Anthony Evans

I was listening to the song, Boasting by Lecrae tonight and just a deep feeling hit me. The Chorus goes:

If this life has anything to gain at all

I count it lost if I can't hear you, feel you, 'cause I need you

Can't walk this earth alone

I recognize I am not my own, so before I fall

I need to hear you, feel you, as I live to make my boast in you alone

This song talks about the yearning, the need for a Jesus.  I just realized how much I need him in my life and how I am thankful for all the figures that he put in my life.  No matter how small of a role you may feel like you have in my life, you've been put there for a reason and I am thankful for you.  Everyone goes through ups and downs in their lives and sometimes don't realize the players that are involved.  These players can impact you perceivingly negatively or positively, but the important factor is that they impact you in someway.  I really wish I could've appreciated everyone that has been in my life fully at the moment that they was in my life but since that moment has passed, I am making it open that I appreciate you.

I just want to apologize to all the people that I've hurt in the past with my actions/words along with the people that are presently hurting due to a fault of mine, and lastly I want to apologize to the people that I will hurt in the future.  No one deserves to get hurt, and I know that I'm not going to be able to always control who i hurt, but I want you to know that I do love you and I do care about how you feel and I would NEVER purposely hurt someone.  Love you ALL!